Very negative colleague

[Elevenerife]

I have a colleague who a number of us share an office with.

i am struggling with how to deal with it and it’s getting me down.

Nothing is ever good enough, there is always a reason to be unhappy. I also find them to be very manipulative in the way that they handle themselves. It’s hard to pin point, but most of their moans feel very directed towards me, but when I’ve challenged this, I’m made to feel like a villain.

Manager has not been effective in handling it and I tend to just stay very quiet- this doesn’t resolve it and I’m still miserable. It can be consuming sometimes.

looking for advice on how to stop ruminating so much and how to handle people like this.

When they are complaining, contradicting and so on, close the conversation by making a neutral remark like "Yes, I suppose it could be seen like that." Don't challenge, it gives them more ammunition. "Yes, you have a point." "Yes, that's one way of looking at it" "Yes, I see what you mean" - or any vague reply which acknowledges what they've said without agreeing or disagreeing.

How long have you been there? If it’s miserable all the time could you consider a transfer to another department, work from another location or similar

This is really helpful actually. I currently dont reply so as to not affirm. But this comes with its own issues.

Thanks

A number of years and it’s been miserable the whole time when it comes to this dynamic. I enjoy my job and the rest of the team, but this is grinding me down. It’s not really possible to move location and I don’t want to move departments. I think they’re one of life’s moaners and they like to make everyone else as miserable as them!