Workplace bully being promoted, WWYD?

[Basafish]

I started a new job a few years ago. It was weird from the outset and to cut a long story short the colleague supposed to train and supervise me was a controlling bully. It took me about a year to wake up and realise the problem wasn't me, during which time I became ill from stress. I talked about some issues to our line manager in my first appraisal, but she did nothing, and then got promoted to a different team. Tried again in next appraisal with the new manager, she also did nothing, until I reported a new specific incident to her. This was informally resolved ie no records, which only lasted until that manager also got promoted. I made another report via HR when manager 3 started and was assigned new duties. Now she's being promoted to be manager's deputy, so will likely have power over me again, which is making me incredibly anxious. I now feel I wasn't believed. Manager 3 has called it a difference in working styles, but she never asked for the full story or to see my evidence. There were no consequences for the bully. Is there anything I can do? Talk to manager again? Just suck it up? I've been looking for another job for 4 years.

What has the person actually been doing to be a bully?

This.

Sorry, I edited it before posting for length, so first incident, after one month in job, she was away one Friday and redirected any urgent emails to me. Didn't say what I should do, but then again it didn't seem likely there would be something urgent. (She persistently acted like things were more urgent than they were). I got one email from a potential supplier, clearly not urgent, and not something you would expect to be answered immediately, so I sent a nice holding response. The following week, in our one to one meeting I mentioned it and she went crazy that I hadn't told her first thing Monday. By itself it's no big deal, but this became a repeated pattern, of her giving vague instructions, then I would try to apply common sense and get it wrong. If I asked questions about tasks she would accuse me of not listening. She also told me I had to send a meeting request every time I had a question. She never let an opportunity slip for pointing out a mistake, even if completely inconsequential. She used to create pointless work, like cutting and pasting adresses from one spreadsheet to another for no reason.
The single incident I reported to manager 2 was that she was trawling through our email files, we had a shared inbox by then looking for emails that I might have misfiled - she created hundreds of folders and sub-folders. I could go on but you get the gist.

So you never raised it formally (as a grievance or complaint) but think the org should have done something?

What does the company bullying and harassment policy say?

They say they will not tolerate any form of bullying or harassment, but as is normal I think, they encourage you to speak to your line manager first, which is what I did. Line manager 2 sent me an email acknowledging I raised an issue. She arranged a meeting between the 3 of us where we went through our jobs and confirmed who did what. There was no written evidence of that meeting though. And as soon as she left I was back to square one, as we had no line manager for 3 months. Line manager 3 also sent me an email acknowledging I made a complaint and then separated us, by giving me a different job. It didn't seem necessary to go down the full greivance route at the time, but I didn't anticipate that anyone would actually promote this psycho.

I’m not sure this screams bullying to me. Definitely some incompatibility in communication styles. Manager could do better at making themselves understood but then I wonder if you could articulate better too? For example if you should have replied immediately to the suppliers request and told your manager when the enquiry came in but you didn’t think you should, did you ask for some clarity for the future as there is a big gap there between your judgement and their expectations. If this happens a lot I think you may need to take some responsibility and not blame your manager who you perceive as “psycho”.

I don't think you've understood the situation. As I said this was the FIRST incident, and you are right, it does not by itself constitute bullying. And yes, I was very apologetic at the time and resolved to do better. I had a whole year of apparently getting things wrong and constant low level criticism. I asked several times if we could have written processes and she said our work was too complex (it wasn't) After a year I had learnt the job and I knew it was all bullshit. She continued to try and undermine me, so I took it to our various managers as they came and went.

Even with your updates I’m not seeing anything that could be classed as bullying? Just seems to be a difference in opinion about how to do the job.

Can you move to a different team?

Three different managers have thought there was nothing to it…you gave a vendetta against this person. She might be difficult, but not a bully, you might need to get a job somewhere else if you are that incompatible with this colleague and cannot work with her

There was no written evidence of that meeting though.

If such a thing happens again, you can create evidence:
"Just to confirm, these are the points which were agreed in the meeting. <list points>"

It does sound like a difference in working styles more than anything. I like sunflowers- I know others don't. Our shared mailbox isn't used much, so it isn't an issue for us.

If you are having to ask for things again and she just says you weren't listening- whether or not it's true, you still need to be told again. Make sure you take notes. If there are points you don't understand, say so, go over that again. If it's a repeated process, convert it into documentation the whole team can use.

We all have to work with people who don't seem to think as we do. You have to find ways to work with it

That's the problem with workplace bullying, it's often very subtle, and it's situation dependent. ACAS has a good guide. I've tried for other positions several times, but no luck.

I don't see this as bullying to be honest, just two incompatible colleagues with different ways of working.

I'm going to guess you didn't join a union in all the time this has been going on?

Yes I am in a union actually and have been for 6 years. I was in discussion with them about what to do when I was given the new job so it wasn't necessary to pursue.

So you need to contact them again if you feel you're being bullied and no-one is doing anything about it.

It’s clear to me, she has very high exacting standards and you have not managed to work out how to meet her expectations. She has been trying to manage you out, by making life uncomfortable for you. She can’t fire you because you technically don’t fall into the category of ‘poor performer’ but clearly is not happy with your performance, she wants you to resign.

she is highly driven and this is why she has been promoted.

You've hit the nail on the head, not getting the written outcome of that meeting was my biggest mistake, because it was supposed to clarify our working relationship.
Your advice is only good for dealing with a normal person, but not one who is abusing their power. I've trained lots of people in different jobs. It's not unusual for people who are new to make minor mistakes, they are learning opportunities, not an excuse to yell at someone.

What a load of bollocks.

Its true people like this can do well on paper and therefore get promotions but its a tale as old as time to have a manager like this in some posts.

This kind of behavious is death by s thousand cuts, the OP is being subject to micromanagement and passive aggression and trawling through someones emails is a waste of time and poor management.

I had a colleague like this OP but worse. Luckily she wasnt promoted because people knew what she was like, but it is unbelievably frustrating and it usually takes a while to work out. She ran many new starters away and she was extremely unprofessional. Would accuse me of mistakes that she made, or accuse me of doing something wrong because she couldnt cope with new or modernised ways of working. She would definitely claim to have "high standards".

Go back to trade union for support.

Sometimes bullies are promoted so certain people or teams can be free of them. The bully may try and ‘recruit’ you as an ally. Document everything and go to your manager/union as soon as something happens. Unfortunately events that happened years ago are not likely to be taken into consideration.

I had a bully like that. It was like she desperate to catch me out. She'd make mistakes and blame them on me. She'd tell me to do things one way then do them another way herself. She'd send rude aggressive emails and shout at me in front of 60 people. The directors, all other people in my team, the MD and all other seniors never ever had any issues with my work, character etc and thought I was fantastic. She literally wanted me fired?!

It went on for years until the HR lady witnessed one of her appalling outbursts and told the director. She'd got so used to acting that way she did it in front of HR FFS. Director asks for my side, I tell him the whole sorry saga. He then responds with 'I've spoken to her and it won't happen again'. 🤷

We were kept apart but I still had to see her. She only got demoted when she hit 'reply all' to the whole company when writing a nasty email to a very popular man.

Yeah I can see why you feel bullied, I think I understand the kind of person you are talking about, get a new job, this isn’t going to get better and you’ll just get a rep for being a moaner.

I too can see why you feel bullied and as someone else has said, it is death by a thousand cuts. Unfortunately, this type of bullying is subtle and has plausible deniability which is why none of the managers want to get too involved in it. It won't change so best advice is to keep your head down, focus on doing a good job, document everything (try communicating more via email) and keep looking for another job.

And don't expect other colleagues to have a clue about what you're experiencing since they are not the target, they just won't see it or if they do, won't bother about it. It's tough but on the plus side, you've been in the company a while now so have a solid reputation.