Full time work after 18 years! I have some stupid questions to ask...

[QuaintBeaker]

Haven't worked full time since my second baby was born 18 years ago.
I was a sahm for a long time, then my ex left, then i spent some time at uni retraining. I've worked part time for the last couple of years.

Youngest is now 12 and I'm applying for full time jobs.

But... it feels overwhelming.
How do you do it??? How do you manage the summer holidays? How do you find time to make dinners and keep the house clean and tidy?

I can't leave my youngest with his older brothers for various reasons (I'd rather not discuss why but it is a matter of safety).

I guess it's the holidays that are worrying me the most because I can't get my head around how to organise 6 weeks of childcare (or how to afford it)

Any advice gratefully received

A mixture of annual leave 2 weeks, holiday clubs one or two weeks, play dates, friends and family. There are lots of schemes for children of parents on low income.

Dinners-cook for a few days and freeze so cooking a few times a week only and other days meals from freezer which were home cooked. One day something easy to microwave or oven cook.

Keeping home tidy- accept that your home will not be as tidy as when you were SAHM. Fairy liquid quick bathroom clean once a week, deep clean once every 3/4 weeks. Hoover, wash clothes, general upkeep once a week on a rota either in the morning or evening. If it's all kept until the weekend, you won't feel like you have had a weekend as you will be busy!

Good luck😊

Well done on choosing to go back to full time work.
You have to be organised and plan ahead. Rope your kids into assisting with housework and meal prep. Get supermarket deliveries or click and collect, and plan your meals for the week so you don't have to think about it each day.
Use annual leave and parental leave (unpaid) to cover holidays as much as possible.
With regard to childcare, I know you said there are issues with leaving your 12yo with older siblings but be aware that getting childcare for that age and older is difficult, plus they won't want to be baby sat. Holiday clubs are probably your best option. There will come a point in a year or two where you may have to leave your youngest at home. Is there any way your older kids could be elsewhere during the holidays (or move out)?

For summer childcare you can check your local YMCA and other charities Holidays and Food program, I think here many of them cover teenagers, the do sport clubs, camping, water sport activities etc. If there are special circumstances your child may get a free place otherwise the pay is 25-40 pounds a day.

Thanks all. I have ADHD and organisation is NOT my strong point, so I'm going to have to have some stern words with myself and get it sorted.
Good idea with getting some housework done in mornings and evenings so that my weekend isn't totally taken up with that. It sounds so obvious, but it's useful for me to have pointers like this so I can try and incorporate it into a new routine.

One of the problems I've had previously with holiday clubs is that they don't quite cover my current full working days, so i need someone to drop him off and pick him up.

He can spend some time with his dad, but i know he won't want to do it full time. Although obviously he won't have a choice if it comes down to it.

I did some training a few weeks ago and was out of the house every day and I was just like, how do people DO this???
It feels impossible although clearly it isn't because tons of people do it all the time

We are in the very very early stages of looking into supported living accommodation for the eldest, but i have no idea how long that might take.
If he has his own place then I'll be able to leave youngest at home with his other sibling

I will agree with that 12 is an awkward age for holiday activities lots are just aimed at primary kids. There are some, usually the more themed ones so like dance, drama, sport etc but I have actually found this sort of age harder to cover than younger as whilst my 13 year old can stay at home fine for an hour or 2 I work long days out and about. We managed it by faving a rock solid plan of clubs/summer camp/leave/grandparents and the odd work from home day

Yeah he does love sport and I've been scoping out potential day camps for that.

I feel bad asking people to have him so I'm going to have to get over that 🤣

Our local uni does a sports one that goes up to 15 I think 🤔

Admin job in a school or is that unlikely to pay enough?
X

Lone mum, always worked full time, at one point had 5 part time jobs to pay the mortgage. No help used the same childcare options everyone uses, nursery, the holiday clubs and childminders.

Do you have a job offer? Can you Work from home at all? You have ADHD, so once you have started and settled in you can see if they have any policies or occupational health schemes where you can get help / advice. Good luck.

Lower your standards!

Good luck.

Summer is actually the easiest as there tend to be a range of holiday club options. Kings Camp works for us as 8:15 to 6pm - and even my 15yo likes it.

I start saving as soon as the summer is over… then book in the early bird period (Christmas time).

I keep my annual leave for Christmas and Easter and the inset days- that’s when it’s trickier to find other options.

also - slow cooker and a rice cooker - get dinner sorted so it’s pretty much ready when you get home.

In my previous job I took 2 weeks unpaid each year to top my holidays up (parental leave)

In my current job I get more generous holidays anyway, plus I “buy” an extra week. That helps a bit.

You need to factor in travel time and commute into you day and try and reduce work hours down to minimum. WFH or flexi is ideal but not realistic in a customer facing role. What hours will you be out of the house? If you can start at 9 or 7.30 and finish a later or earlier.

you need to be strict about not staying late. I speak and a child of a workaholic mother. Factor in fun time too. One weekend a month can be a house catch up maybe with a pizza evening.

I keep on top of washing and the kitchen and living areas clean and tidy during the week. If I am
Super busy I don’t iron and just hang stuff up and iron if I need it. Try and do wash evenly even dried and put away. I have a great tumble dryer.

can you have a day off in a few weeks time when kids are back at school to take stock?

have a look at the organised mum on social media. It never worked for me but the idea is to do certain jobs a certain days. I struggled though as the first thing she said was after the kids are at school when you get home then you can sort the laundry 🤦‍♀️

for dinners I cook double and freeze on a Saturday and Sunday,
Sundays is a roast, bbq or lasagne and does two nights, we usually have pasta two nights (make double), freezer meal one night, and then a ready meal one night or jacket potatoes etc l.

I would get the children being more useful for pocket money right away to learn life skills and take the pressure off you a little. So 12 year old tidy up sitting room each evening, hoovering. Middle one making a salad and prepping veg for dinner, putting away shopping? Older one making a simple supper a couple of times a week pasta & sauce, jacket potato in the oven with chilli from the freezer or a stir-fry, and cleaning the shower. I knew a family who had the same dinners Monday to Friday as it saved planning and the kids knew how to help, that might be a good start.
For child care I arranged reciprocal childcare with a school mum, so I covered bank hols and weekends for a nurse and she looked after my child on her days off. Sports club activities that I could drop off at 8 and pick up at 4, it meant changing hours at work but that was doable.
Would a neighbour be able to look after the 12 yr old after a sports club?
I used grandparents for half days, as they struggled with all day.
And parental leave.
It's a hard slog, good luck with the job hunt, get your kids to understand why you need their cooperation.

It will require a level of organisation beyond what you’ve had so far being at home.

Definitely need to sort it so the 12-13yo can be home alone. It sounds like it’s an elder siblings behaviour that’s the issue rather than the 12yo, that needs addressing as society/ clubs etc are definitely based on young teenagers being somewhat self sufficient. No employer will take kindly to the idea you have to be home at 3:30 for a secondary schooler.

Agree with getting the kids to pitch in. You’re a team. Give them a day each to change their beds & show them how to use the washer for it. Supermarket delivery arrives = everyone puts it away. They can make their own packed lunches. Whiteboard for things they need / notice has run out. Shared calendar for events and knowing where everyone needs to be. Meal plan with options they can make or at least get started before you get home. Jacket potato, beans & cheese is a perfectly acceptable midweek meal. Add some salad & fruit and you’re winning. Protein yoghurts are great cheap snacks for teens.

Eldest is autistic so it's not quite so simple, but as mentioned before I'm looking into supported living arrangements for him.

Definitely agree about getting them all to help out. They do all their own laundry already, and will sometimes cook but I'm going to start having regular days when they make dinner I think.

I don't have a job offer yet but I have 2 interviews lined up and I've been shortlisted for another one. My commute for 2 of them will be around an hour, but I'm hoping i can work maybe 8-4 so I'm not massively late home in the evenings.