Can someone talk some sense into me please? Driving myself mad

[BitCoinBillionaire]

I’ll preface this by saying that - astonishingly - I don’t actually suffer with anxiety so god alone knows what my brain is trying to do to me here

I’m in the civil service and have been for 18 months. Some weeks ago I applied for a job in another department as an external applicant and amazed myself by getting it. I started on the 1st June

I’ve put everything into this role. It’s casework I suppose and it’s quite repetitive , with tasks that need to be spot on

I had a couple of weeks of training which involved another staff member showing me the cases, progressing to me doing them with him doing a final check before submitting. I wrote copious notes and have followed these to the letter with each case. The guy training me was very nice etc but I was constantly having to ask him WHY I was doing something as he was just focussed on the HOW and he’d be clicking all over the place .. I had to almost ‘bring him’ to how I need to be trained

Anyway, all good and I’ve been working really hard and flying solo now for about 4 weeks

I got an email on Friday morning from the specific manager on that specific ‘workflow.’ Perfectly nice and pleasant email etc but pointing out I hadn’t completed two pieces of ‘housekeeping’ on some specific cases and asking me what further training I required , where she could help , offering to talk to me next week and detailing what I hadn’t done (nothing earth shattering I hasten to add but still… needed to be done)

The reason I hadn’t done these two things is because I was never told to - and it’s not something you’d intuitively know to do. The guy training me never mentioned it - and he probably wouldn’t because you’d need to be in a specific case requiring this housekeeping to apply it - you could go through 20 cases before you got one of them.

So I’ve not ‘missed it’ through being sloppy or forgetful. I’ve missed it as didn’t know to do it

I went back to her and explained I wouldn’t have known to do that, apologising and saying yes please, I’m keen to learn what this is and how to apply it. She’s yet to come back to me as she went out of office on Friday afternoon and won’t be back until Tuesday

So… my issue. Logically, I can read the email and it’s pleasant and offering help. I know I’m in the early stages of my training on just one small part of the whole procedures. I say to myself ‘ you can’t know what you don’t know’

But I’m so cross and upset. I feel I’ve let myself down and I’ve tried really really hard to get my work right and be as diligent as I can be. I’m upset I wasn’t shown this and that people may think I’ve missed it due to being sloppy when I haven’t

Tomorrow I will approach the guy who trained me - or maybe another colleague - and I’ll just ask him to fill me in and explain it to me so I know going forward.

But why am I feeling like this? Been thinking about it all weekend. I don’t want to be seen as incompetent

Oh and then my brain went in a spiral and I joined the union in case this is the first step in them trying to manage me out! My husband just stared at me when I told him that bit!

So .. thoughts? Even if it’s just to tell me that I’m an idiot and you have second hand embarrassment for me

When you start somewhere you want to make a good impression. Unfortunately you did everything right only to be pulled up as the guy did not train you properly. So not your fault, but looks like it is.

Just explain to the manager you were not taught to do X and Y and you will do those going forwards. I would go through all the steps he taught you with her to make sure he didn't leave anything else out!

You are overthinking, but understandably. You've been at your old job for a while, probably knew it in detail, and felt perfectly comfortable with your colleagues and bosses. This is a new job, with new people, neither of which you know well enough to feel confident yet.

Please don't panic - if the bits you missed aren't in every type of case, then there's no way your boss can expect you to know about them yet. The next time you see them face to face, I'd explain that this was the first case that needed this type of housekeeping, and ask if they have time to quickly run through a few questions (maybe asking about the reasons behind some of the processes, highlighting the fact that you weren't told, without coming straight out and saying so?)

They'll form an impression of you over time and if you are conscientious and hardworking they will see that. Distract yourself for now and put your effort into maintaining positive relationships.

@GeorgeMichaelsCat Yep that’s it exactly. He’s a nice guy but he’s was always having to prompt him about why we were doing something, what I was checking each document for exactly and asking him to slow down a little so I could
make notes

I want to make it clear to her that I was not shown these things without slating him in any way of course!

This has happened to me a few times in the admin role I started a few months ago. It’s very difficult to demonstrate and remember to show the new person everything, particularly if the person showing you is not a trainer or coach. I would just say something like “Oh we didn’t come across this scenario in my training, thanks for taking the time to show me. Any other things I should be aware of.” Makes your point without being critical of the guy who trained you.

But yes it is hard to be “told off” for something that isn’t your fault !

I do what sounds like a similar role and also train new starters. I think you’re overthinking and contrary to some other posters I don’t think this is due to your trainer ‘not training you properly’. In my role there are fixed steps that you will need to do in every case to get from A to Z. However there are always anomalies or things that come up very occasionally that you may not specifically mention in initial trading training. You literally can’t cover every eventuality. I also think if you do try and cover every eventuality in training the new employee just gets totally overwhelmed and forgets stuff things they need to do every time as opposed to mentioning something that comes up once every 6 months or even less.

Just say you weren’t told but that you’re now aware and will do whatever it is going forward. There really is no drama. You’re new. You won’t get everything right. If you’re a perfectionist like me I do understand how it feels to get something wrong particularly through no fault of your own. You just need to let it go and not overthink.

Is training really dependent on one person, who may or may-not be good at training / the job? Isn't there a manual.

Tomorrow I will approach the guy who trained me - or maybe another colleague - and I’ll just ask him to fill me in and explain it to me so I know going forward.
You don't need to do that, it is one small cog. What you need to know - from boss - is how the whole system works. You need training from the whole company / department, not individuals.

Whoa! You are overthinking this. Stop worrying.
The meeting you’ll have will be useful and helpful. It’s your forum too as part of your development in the role. Don’t be afraid to speak up.
They’re not going to sack you!
Breath!
Come back and tell us how you get on. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

It isn’t one individual that trains everyone but you’re allocated a ‘trainer’ and they spend some days with you showing you the ropes. We work remotely so this is over Teams doing screen sharing

And yep, this little aspect just didn’t come up. Think adding a code to a specific type of case… well, we didn’t encounter this specific case in training so when I came across it ‘solo’ then I would have had no idea this code needed to be added

So it’s not a blame thing really - I’m just frustrated with myself more than anything and god knows why! It’s not my manager either who’s flagged it to me - it’s the manager who deals with this specific workflow and of course she has to tell me!

Like I said, perfectly pleasant and wanting to lock in more training for me. Also attached a spreadsheet for me to fill in and indicate how confident I felt on each little bit - something not just for me I hasten to add! There is a whole bunch of new starters recently and she wants to know where everyone is in terms of how they’re feeling about training and what gaps need plugging so she’s put this together so she can see at a glance who needs what

So I logically know this isn’t a me thing. I know it’s a training gap

I’m clearly just weird 😂

Did you move into the CS from teaching by any chance? I’m asking because in teaching I’ve experienced almost this exact situation only I got very sharply told not to make mistakes like that in future and to ask if I didn’t understand something…I understood it all perfectly well, but you can’t ask about something you never knew existed! However I don’t think this is necessarily the standard response and perhaps other areas of employment are a bit more tolerant of having actual humans working for them.

It's about pitching, isn't it? "Oh Bob forgot to tell me that, easily done" and move on.

I left one company after many years and started at a new one. I found it very hard as no one knew I was any good. At the previous company I had a really good reputation, at the new company it felt so odd to start from scratch.