Close to a work breakdown

[NotCoping54]

I do not know what to do. Work has always been a bit stressful but lately it has been a lot worse. Now even on good days I seem to be stuck in a constant fight or flight mode, pressure in chest, struggling to breathe. I'm questioning every decision I take, worried it will be a disaster and I'll get fired. The company has a history of getting rid of people on a whim.

I've not slept in weeks. It takes me ages to fall asleep, I take sleep gummies and listen to sleep hypnosis then if one of the DC wakes me up I have to start all over again and it can take hours in the middle of the night. The sleep I get inbetween is really light, the sleep score on my smart watch every morning is awful.

This morning at 4.30 I logged in as I had to check I hadn't missed anything on a project.

It can't carry on like this, but I can't change jobs right now for a variety of reasons and can't go without a salary. My only option is to carry on but just not let the stress affect me. How do I do that?

@TheGander thank you, I doubt I will get any help this year. The appointment on 18th December is only an assessment and then we’ll be in to Christmas which is likely to delay anything else. You’re right my job isn’t worth it but I’m trapped as everything I want to do is minimum wage and I can’t afford life right now let alone a pay cut. I at least hope I can set DS up for a better life than I’ve had.

I am sure you can but your value as a parent isn’t just monetary value. I’m not ignoring how stressful it is to be short of cash but please keep in mind that your son needs you. December isn’t so far away for your appointment, hang in there.

@TheGander thank you for your kind words, it means a lot.