I’ve been working on a zero hours contract for a big company for several years now and it’s really starting to affect my mental health. Work has got a lot more competitive in the last few months as new staff and more freelancers have joined, and there’s more of us competing for less hours.
I get good feedback from senior staff but whenever I make even a tiny mistake I totally crumple inside and think that’s it for me, they won’t book me for any more work and I will lose my house. Especially when they have so many freelancers they can use.
I’ve had a lot on my plate due to family issues and today was very stressful. A senior person came over to ask me a question and I started looking up something on my computer to show him, related to what he was asking, whilst he was talking. In hindsight it was rude - I was in a bit of a flap as he suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
I almost immediately realised the rudeness of not maintaining eye contact or appearing I wasn’t listening, and that made me jumble up my words as I was feeling anxious that he was thinking the same. I’m sure he gave me a funny look and I now can’t stop panicking that he thinks I’m rude and an idiot and that I’ve further jeopardized my chances of more work.
Long story short I feel I can’t have an off minute, let alone an off day, without putting my income at risk - and this has turned me into a nervous wreck due to the pressure. I looked at photos of my kids during my lunch break today and couldn't stop crying as I felt so worried that I’m not giving them a secure future.
Because of this I’ve been applying for permanent jobs in recent months (including at the company I’ve done zero hours for) but despite having some interviews I have gotten nowhere. This is even for jobs with a significantly lower salary than what I’m earning zero hours.
I only have £1K in savings as my wages don’t stretch to much once everything is paid for. I can’t cut any expenditure like holidays because we don’t take them.
Help.