Not good enough for promotion

[Jammylou]

So currently in middle management role.
Promoption opportunity has come up for more senior management. Would mean managing multiple teams.
I have done well in middle management....or so I thought so. I've has some challenges but it's never affected my work or motivation.
Discussed possibility of applying fur role with 2 Seniors managers i know well including my own line manager.
They immediately questioned why I would want to move...hinting that my resilience or people management skills aren't robust enough. They basically said it's a tough job and in not so many words said I wouldn't cope.
This has left me feeling extremely low today....like I'm not good enough.
Yet the current Senior Manager who is moving on is very unpopular due to poor people skills.
I now an questioning my own abilities.
I receive very good feedback from my own team and our stakeholders.
Should I find out why they feel this way about my skills ?
Should I progress it or just leave it and accept middle management is as far as I'll go.

Did you not question why they felt this way at the time of the conversation?

I would definitely re-visit it but on the basis of if im not ready now, they what are my development needs, can they suggest mentor etc.

The one Manager was in a rush so had to go the other said peope skills/managing challenging conversations (I've had 2 staffing issues over past year( and handled them relatively well overall)..
A while ago I disagreed with how they were handling a situation affecting my team and the poor communication coming through from the management team to me about the changes.......since then they are constantly questioning my resilence/people skills.

Are the managers you spoke with the same managers who will be hiring? If not, and assuming you don't need their endorsement, I would apply anyway. You have nothing to lose and, if unsuccessful, at least you might get feedback from a more neutral source.

They don't want to have to replace you, I bet. So they are trying to put you off, not because they don't think you can do it but because you are pretty good where you are.

My partner said this but I just think they think.im not up to it. It's left me questioning everything I've achieved.

No itscrheir Manager hiring who has actually given me very good feedback in the past.
The role I was interested in is same role they have just heading up a different area. Same role they do.
Thing is I really do trust one of them she is very honest with me generally and has been a strong advocate of mine in the past.

Honestly the big difference I see between middle managers and senior is that the latter have to be far more brutal. Maybe they think you’re too team focused. There’s a hint of that in your post. What were your challenges?

Don't beat yourself up. There's all sorts of reasons decent people don't get promoted. If your team like you and your stakeholders that's a positive.

I think if you want a promotion don't let those comments put you off. If you don't get it I'd look to change companies as I think your skills would be valued elsewhere and often if you get feedback like you have it is caused by a lack of initiative by senior managers to develop the generation of leaders.

If they think you may need additional people management experience why don't people at your organisation give you the mentorship and opportunity to develop those skills? It sounds like the senior management team don't have those skills themselves or see investing in people as hard work so would rather post an advert and bring in someone from outside who may or may not be able to do what they say they can.

You have the rest of your life ahead of you. It sounds like you're empathetic and care about being good at your job so I'd find a company who values that instead of working for a load of fob off merchants that want an A* team but don't want to put any effort into investing in their staff.

They wanted to move a key team member out and replace with an under performing one (under a restructure). Neither wanted the move but they needed to put this underperforming person somewhere and wanted me to manage them out. I disagreed this as felt it would severely impact my teams performance.
Myself and manager had some rather heated conversations over this. She said I didn't see the bigger picture and was too team focused and questioned my resilience. She questioned my style of communication however I felt hers was not the best at the time.
We are back working OK but haven't felt relationship has been the same since.

I bet it's because you are too good at your job! They don't want to lose you!

Same Managers were fighting over me being in their team 1 year ago.......it is ever since I dared to disagree with them.

I think the writing is probably on the wall.

Time to move on? Find a company that aligns with your values. This lot don't sound very nice.