Sickness - how much do I have to tell my manager

[user529076]

I returned to work recently after a long term illness, my manager knows the reason I was off and that I suffer with fatigue now due to my illness.
I don't like talking about my illness as I get quite upset and anxious talking about it and I told her that but she keeps questioning me and telling me I have to tell her. I don't trust her and think she's just wants to gossip.

I think you need to tell them enough to keep you safe and supported at work

1. If you want your employer to make reasonable adjustments for you because of your condition, then by definition you will have to tell them how it affects you.

1. Your employer has a duty of care whilst you are working for them, so they are quite likely concerned and want to ensure they are doing all they can to keep you well.

1. If she gossips then you should put in a grievance. That would be gross misconduct in a lot of places. If you wanted to try and head that off at the pass, then ask her, "Can you reassure me that anything we discuss will remain confidential?"

Ultimately, it will do you no favours to not tell them anything.

That’s awful! Whilst it would be sensible to tell her anything that would affect your ability to work it sounds like she knows the basics and does just want the gossip.
I’d be telling her IN WRITING that her prying is causing you stress and stress is increasing your fatigue and affecting your health. Ask if she would like to invite occupational health in if she’s so concerned about the ins & outs of your health.
I hope things improve for you soon.

I think next time she asks you, I would just tell her that you're happy to share any information that is relevant to facilitating your return back to work, however you don't feel comfortable sharing more than that because it's a very personal matter to you and you value your privacy. If she keeps pressing, I would just reply by asking why she needs to know. If she keeps going, just keep asking why it's relevant...!

Why would anyone want to gossip about somebody’s illness, not least a manager! I think she is asking to show concern and ensure that you are being supported properly.

I don't like talking about my illness as I get quite upset and anxious talking about it and I told her that but she keeps questioning me and telling me I have to tell her.

Were those her exact words "you have to tell me details about your illness" or is that your interpretation of what she's said?

If you're feeling very anxious and exposed, having to reveal details that you prefer not to, then it's appropriate to say something like

"I'm a very private person, and I don't find it easy to talk about my illness, but it would really support me in my recovery if you can do xyz for me" i.e. give details of adaptations that are straightforward to implement and within the affordability scope of your employer.