I think my work colleague is having a nervous breakdown - what can I do to help??

[littlemissbossy]

I work with a guy who is really nice and has only been in our team (of 3) for three months. He has confided in me that he has suffered from depression in the past and that he's not altogether happy with the job he's doing now (he was moved from another team). Today I found him in the photocopier room in a terrible state, what I can only describe as hysteria. He's not coping with the stress and I really believe he's having a nervous breakdown. He's begged me not to tell anyone... but I'm very concerned he might do something IYKWIM. Am tempted to speak to the boss but at the same time I feel I would be betraying his confidentiality. Help! what would you do? I feel like crying myself

Does your workplace have an occupational health unit? If so, you could suggest that your colleague refers himself to them.

No unfortunately. It's a smallish company. I think that's why he doesn't want everyone to know. I am SERIOUSLY worried. He looks terrible.

Can you suggest he seek help outside of the company?

I would not betray his confidentiality. It could that the routine of going to work is helping him keep it together. Don't want to jeopardise that.

Or just talk to him over coffee?

Is there a nice person in HR you can approach? I had a similar situation with a colleague (who also happens to be a great friend) recently. I picked a friendly face in HR and confided in her and she very sweetly assured me it was her job to deal with it, and did. Said friend has recently had 3 months off work, seeing a therapist 4 times a week, and is now back looking radiant.

Has he seen his GP, could you offer to go with him?

Message withdrawn

Thanks for your advice ladies. Am now at home. Before I left, things got worse, he told me he wished he was dead, was thinking of ending it all. I quietly arranged to meet one of the bosses (we don't have HR or anything like that) on my way out and told them I was very concerned about him and could he keep an eye on the situation without letting anyone know. BTW didn't tell the boss about the problems that X has with the job just that he wasn't himself. I felt I had to say something. I also sent him a text to say I think he should go see his GP and that he can call me anytime at home if he wants a chat. Hope I did the right thing. You can't ignore these things can you?

It's so hard to know what to do in these situations, but I think you've done the right thing by alerting management. They are the right people to be dealing with this, not you. Tho I'd say your colleague is very fortunate to have someone like you looking out for him. Many others would have just ignored it. Hope it works out well for him.

Thanks for that lilo
He's actually just phoned me on his way to the car, says he's feeling a little calmer and decided to go straight home instead of to the pub

Although it's very difficult when someone has confided in you to break that trust - the very fact that he's told you all this means he's reaching out for help (especially if he's not known you for long).
If you feel that someone is likely to do harm to themselves or others then you are correct to refer it elsewhere IMO.
You are being a great friend, no matter what.

Ah wisteria, think I'm going to cry again.. sod it, I'm opening the wine

Hold on - will join you (settles down with bottle of Wolf Blass)

Wisteria, of all the wines - I'm also drinking Wolf Blass, Presidents Selection Chardonnay 2005, already on the second glass. BTW had a message from colleague he says he feels ashamed for having depression - it's an ongoing problem but he is receiving therapy so at least that's something. Enjoy your evening

Do do do do - spooky music but mine is cabernet sauvignon! DP just got back from playing golf in Glasgow...apparently it was work so might have to spend some quality time with him now..
Re: your colleague, it's very common to be ashamed of having depression, IME moreso in men. If he is having therapy already then that is great but therapy can very often make things more painful at first and consequently far more raw and on the surface IUKWIM; all you can do is try to be there for him but try not to let it bring you down as you are not his therapist. Hope you have a lovely weekend and try to remember that the problems are his, not yours, it's easy to feel responsible for people that have confided in you, but not always healthy for either you or him. (I'm on 2nd bottle - but am having to share now -well that's my excuse)

Thanks Wisteria, you're right it's not my problem but you've got to help people haven't you? anyway the wine has definately eased the problem and I'm signing off for the night as my DH has just walked in (just back from London, we live in North Yorks). Have a nice evening.

I would say I am concerned and that there is help out there and sell it to him that if he talks to his boss then work pressures at least could be alleviated. Nothing to be ashamed of ect, also that by not asking for help he is potentially going to suffer more detriment to his health.

LMB - just a quick one, we live not too far from you but Derbyshire/ Notts border. Of course you have to help - if you're that kind of individual (I am too) but I just wanted to make sure you didn't take sole responsibility..... I have done that too much in the past and it always gets messy! Hope you have a super duper w'end and drink lots more wine!!

Wisteria - drank toooo much last night and suffered for it this morning LOL

hmmm, me too - then did same again Saturday and Sunday (such a responsible mother). In my defence though the children were at their Dad's all weekend so 'tis allowed.
Let me know how your colleague got on over the weekend and if you're ok!

I'm fine thanks for asking
Colleague went out on the 'p' last night and called in sick today

• glad ur ok anyway.