can we have a bolleaux management / business speak thread please. coz I've got a cracker!

[hatwoman]

message from IT re downtime:

"If there are any major issues with a mission critical deliverable, please let us know immediately so we can try to mitigate any issues."

I am only just picking myself back up off the floor.

oh that's wonderful!

I must save that to put in the email the next time I have a day off / the robot breaks / the ceiling falls in.

LOL must have taken them a while to come up with that one

I love IT departments.

My personal favourite was when the Board started talking about cost-cutting as "going for the 'low hanging fruit'"

Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes. (A past editor of Watchdog. I kid you not.)

Um does that translate as 'if you have a problem, please let us know so that we can sort it out'?

but Blu "major issues with a mission critical deliverable" is a much cleverer way of saying "problems"

Yes, i like 'mision critical deliverable'. And it does separate it from 'time intensive non-deliverables', aka pratting about on MN.

It translates as "anything but the complete collapse of the business will be ignored with a shrug, unless you get a Board level director to come and give our boss a roasting"

I had the unfortunate task of working in IT for many years. They will have written it that way because they really ARE all into Star Trek!!

'Mission critical deliverable.' Excuse me whilst I pick myself up off the floor for too much!!

pmsl at the "time intensive non-deliverables" now I know what to tell my boss I've been up to when I've been mucking about...

Have we 'pushed the envelope' on this yet?

Nope, we have to do a "deep dive" on it, to see what the mission critical non deliverables are

My personal favourite, and one I've used when I'm really bored, 'navigate the dashboard'.
Chuffin' love that, it's such a pile of pants!

That's blue sky thinking for you...
(or not)

...but is it blue sky or just horizon gazing?
(You can tell I've built a career on a pile of $hite without actually knowing what I'm on about)

Let me find a window of opportunity to navigate the dashboard.

at this IT haven of corporate billsh*t, we socialise new ideas!!

'Issues' twice in the same sentence too. Tut

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I Get emails from our IT dept like that.

I think DP is a breath of fresh air at his work. He is dyslexic so keeps IT updates inordinately brief.