Offered a new job but pregnant, freaking out!

[mrsbee2be]

Ok so after many interviews I was finally offered a new job Friday afternoon that I really really want, it's a fab opportunity & I can really see myself in the role, but I've recently found out I'm pregnant, around 9/10 weeks (having scan on the 27/3/16) and really need advise on what to do.
I've verbally excepted and would need to resign from my current job which I've been in for 10 years on Monday morning, so I can start with the new job in 4 weeks. I'm now totally freaking out, what do I do about the pregnancy thing?! When do I tell them? I've already negotiated a 4 day week. Will they still want me if I tell them my news?
And should I really start a new job quite intense job while pregnant or stay where I am for an easy life? I'm very sick & tired as it is, will I cope in a new job?

I know my new manager professionally and have done for a year or so and she seems very approachable, I felt comfortable talking to her to negotiate on hours, do I owe it to her to be honest and let them know upfront?

Why are you leaving your current job?

Have you considered what you will do for money as if you move you may not get any maternity pay

how long will you be on maternity leave?
If you really want this job and are happy to start and then take a break, go for it.

you don't need to tell them you are pregnant, but they don't pay you maternity leave, and I am not sure if they have to keep your job open while you are off

I'm leaving my current job as although I love it, my employers are unsupportive and pile work on me but won't increase my hours, I do a FT job in 3 days, never had a rise, and recently someone else has been employed and negotiated a higher wage then me for a lower position if you get me.... It's the final nail in the coffin! Plus I really need a new challenge and keen to get into a different specialism which the new position offers me...
In terms of maternity pay, my currently company don't have a maternity policy just SMP, and yes I won't get mat pay in the new position but would prob qualify for Maternity allowance so I'm really not loosing out financially am I?

Also thinking I would start mid April, leave at 38 weeks (hopefully) and then say I'd come back after reduced mat leave at 6 months.... It may make it more acceptable?
I really really want his opportunity but I now feel dishonest not telling them now, do I wait until I get the offer in writing and then say or tell them nearer the start time?
Or say I can't accept the position as I know I'm pregnant and hope they love me enough to say it's ok please come on board?

From what you've said, and the financially neutral maternity leave, I'd take the new job.

I would take the new job, sounds like it's what you want and need

I wouldn't commit to a shorter maternity period at the moment, as you don't know how you will feel after the birth

"I now feel dishonest not telling them now"

Why do you think they need to know now? They are certainly not allowed to withdraw a job offer because of pregnancy so why tell them? What do you expect them to do with that information?

Tell them after you've started in a few weeks. No reason for them to know earlier.

I would tell your new manager, and the whole story particularly that you know you won't get maternity pay which will tend to mean a shorter maternity leave. Say that you know you can do a good job and want to work with her company and with her in particular, but you don't want to make problems for her. You would rather withdraw than spoil what could be a great long term working relationship.
Lay it on thick and try to make an ally.
Then go home and email someone so you have a dated record that you told them. I don't think they can legally withdraw the offer, but they may try.

This happened to someone I line manage. she took the new job, told us about pregnancy at the point you make might normally (for her was 12 week scan, although I guess might be earlier if needed preg related time off. She was embarrassed and very apologetic but I think she did a brave thing. 10 years on she still works for us.

They can't withdraw the offer and you get the same maternity protection as anyone else (ie have to keep you job open). As you say you won't be entitled to SMP but may qualify for maternity allowence. I would go for it

Same thing happened to me last year- I took the job and told my manager during my first week (I was 14 weeks then). I felt really guilty and a bit embarrassed for some reason but everyone was lovely about it and my manager was really supportive. Didn't qualify for occupational maternity pay, just MA, but like you I knew this and so could budget for it.

I'd take the new job if you really want it- congrats on both the job offer and the pregnancy!

I was in your position exactly and didn't take the job. It was slightly different in that I didn't really really want it and was pretty comfortable in my existing position though.

A word of warning though - I told the new employer about the pregnancy and they were initially supportive but then suddenly changed and gave me a lot of stuff about needing to know my 'plans' re. maternity leave and did I know that flexible working wouldn't be an option and it would all make my settling in period very 'complicated' etc etc etc. I think if they could have withdrawn the offer they would have. They knew they couldn't (and actually said as much) but I think they would have made my life difficult and it all left a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't want to take all that on when I was pregnant so stayed put. I have no regrets.

If you really want this job, take it and don't tell them about the baby until you have to (not til about 24 weeks I think). I told the employer before even family knew and then they made me feel like a 'problem'. It wasn't very pleasant. If you are already in the job you can prove yourself before they know and if push comes to shove you can pretend you found out late in the pregnancy.

Take it. It's hard looking off a new job once baby is here (trust me). You're not being disloyal. It's a risk any company takes when hiring women, and a decent company wouldn't let that be a problem.

I think I would fess up now.
It would be very difficult for them to retract the offer.

Sorry I didn't mean to say that I think you should tell them now, just that I would.
But I'm crap at secrets like this, that's all.
Congratulations, it will work itself out.

Take the job as you obviously want it. Tell your employer's after you've started and don't feel you need to take a shorter maternity to compensate.

There are legal protections in place for pregnant women and you shouldn't give them up because you feel guilty. There's nothing to feel guilty about.

Thanks for the replies and advice...
It's tricky as yes I know I don't have to tell them but morally and due to the set up of the job, small team and sort of knowing the manager, I do feel it's the right thing to do and that's because I really want it so much and it's such a great opportunity for me, I've beat a lot of candidates and one of the reasons I was given it was the manager really believes in me.
I think I'm going to go with one episodes way if thinking, and sort of bluff them, I'm not sure if its right to accept but really hope they'll still take me (even though I know they can't not) I just need to work out my timing of this whole conversation but think I will be waiting for my offer in writing before I make a move!!
As for the maternity leave 6 months is fine for me, new job is 30hrs full flexi so I'm hoping I can donate a bit of time to my husband he'd love it!

Also to add, where I am now a colleague started with us then announced she was 16weeks and had no idea, (which we later realised wasn't true as she l'd stuck a pic of a clear blue on Facebook) everyone was pretty pee'd off and took a very long time to like her.
So what I'm getting at is I don't want to be that new girl that nobody likes!!!

you cant escape from that attitude op. which is why employers cannot discriminate

"I do feel it's the right thing to do"

Why, though? How do you think it would be helpful to them to know now rather than in a few weeks? What difference do you think it will make to them?

And as for this from Frazzled : "I think I would fess up now", well words fail me. "Fess up"? As if getting pregnant is doing something wrong!

I did this. Interviewed when I'd just found out, got an offer and accepted, started very soon after, then told them at 12 weeks or so. I had nothing to lose as I was out of a job. It all worked out, even though though the first year was spent 7months finding my feet and then 7months forgetting all again . Still here years later. I was not joining a team though and they hired a maternity cover, so not much scope for hard feelings.

Yes Flowery it's the right thing, for me, that's how I feel.... I've been headhunted, given a bloody good opportunity and as I said know my new manager so in this situation I feel it is the right thing to do, I'd feel guilty otherwise.
Plus how the hell am I going to manage a month of new starter meetings & greetings without a colleague who can cover my back while I disappear to puke!!

However had I be going somewhere new & didn't know them, I'd be mega secretive and kept quiet, I guess you just have to read the situation and go with what you feel best?

I just don't understand how/why having this information will be helpful to them, that's all.

I agree with flowery (not that she needs my validation )

Pregnancy is a normal life event and not something that needs to be felt guilty about or 'fessed up' about.

" Its a risk any company takes when hiring a woman "
This is an outdated attitude imho. As I understand it, now a woman could take 2 weeks off for ML (or 4 weeks if a factory worker) and then pass on the remaining 50/48 weeks to the other parent. Therefore, it should now be seen that both men and women can take a year-ish off for ML (which is actually a small amount in the course of a career).

I wouldn't tell them until you have signed contracts - it should be irrelevant to them so why do it? I also wouldn't make rash promises about ML because you feel guilty (which you shouldn't). You might not know how you feel and find that actually you would like more time with your baby.