Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Flip

Original poster

I cried at work today - that is not very professional is it?

20 replies

ceebeegeebies · 02/05/2012 21:00

Fortunately it was only to my manager and no-one else was around but I am still My manager was gobsmacked as I have worked for her for 10 years and never cried!

All because of a stupid manager who is 'bullying' me (don't like to use that word as it is so strong) and today, the manager had a go at me on the phone over such a minor issue that it was ridiculous but it was the final straw with me - particularly as there was a definite inference that I had deliberately sent them something that wasn't theirs apparently just to spite them .

I know I need to be more assertive with this manager so am trying to think of phrases to use when the manager makes me feel like something they have stepped in!

OP posts:

WidowWadman · 02/05/2012 22:22

If you are under so much stress that you can't hold back the tears then that's a very serious issue that needs to be addressed.

You say you don't like the word "bullying" - and indeed, bullying is very strong, but if you're being reduced to tears over a minor issue, then I think maybe you should have another think about this behaviour and what it constitutes, also start a diary to record such instances.

Is the manager you cried in front of the same as the one who is bullying you? What are the reporting lines? Can you talk to your manager, informally, about what's going on?

mrspnut · 02/05/2012 22:27

I spent monday, tuesday and wednesday last week in tears, so much so that I left on wednesday at lunchtime for the week.

I just felt like absolute shit, not helped by one member of our team that has been really rude to me since I started and our manager not being there because there is a pending investigation.
I came home on the monday and opened champagne and took it into the bath with me. Tuesday I drank some more wine in bed and on wednesday I bought chips and curry sauce on my way home and watched the previous week's episode of Glee.

Things have been better this week but HR have been fantastic as has my TL.

I would speak to your manager about what's happening to you, they may be able to intervene or at least support you to deal with the situation. It's in their best interests to have a happy productive team so they will probably gladly help you.

Pickgo · 03/05/2012 00:42

Me too. I cried at work today for the first time.
I'd stayed at work late last night, have a cold and earache, came in this am to see a note left on my desk by my lovely boss saying he'd had to search my computer for some files for an hour and couldn't find them. - As though its my fault! It was the last straw and I had to go out as I could feel my eyes welling up.

I know what you mean about the 'bullying' thing. I don't like to say I feel bullied because I always think I don't let people bully me. But when you are to some extent in their power (ie as an employee) then its very hard to stop. I've got no higher power to go to - he owns the co.

Needless to say I'm looking for new job.

Up the workers! Don't let the bastards grind you down! [grin

PerryCombover · 03/05/2012 00:47

Gosh, I hope you are all okay.
It's often really good to have a cry, even just as an expression of your frustration

BiddyPop · 03/05/2012 12:46

I managed to hold mine until I was walking down the street to the car park - and I had 3 of the local winos very kindly asking me "is everything alright luv?"

Micro managing stupidity recently got to the stage where, despite me saying I couldn't stay beyond 5 for a meeting he agreed to have it, and then was 25 minutes late starting it and wouldn't even finish it at 4.55 when someone else came in as they needed him to go through something before the next meeting at 5 that HE also had. I was so late that I stupidly pressed send on a half drafted email (to the head of the organisation and 2 of the 5 reporting to him) that then made me look like a fool as well as being late for DD - on top of a very bad month of stresses here and at home.

There are likely to be 2 spots opening up in the coming month working for other managers -and I am seriously considering both of them even though I previously would have stayed put soooo happily.

And then, HE will be the one left in the lurch and looking even more stupid to the outside world.....HA!!

SlantyBaws · 03/05/2012 12:53

Oh me oh my I just wanted to come and add my name to the list. My boss made me cry last week and I felt like such a fool I had to leave the office, go home and weep into my pillow.

And has he apologised? Has he fuck.

Bastard bullies. We all work so hard and we put up with this.

Rant over.

ZenNudist · 03/05/2012 17:02

Is this the crying thread? I cried at my big boss today and had a teary moment with my people manager. Im completely lacking in confidence since I returned from work on maternity leave. I've 'gone backwards' since before I left and am struggling to prove a case for promotion. It looks as if I am going to have to really shake up my work life just to stand still. I'm unrealistically hoping to do my job, get promoted and still get home of an evening to see ds.

I know what you mean about not looking professional. It's almost like the crying makes me cry more as I'm so mortified to be crying. Also being upset makes it harder to deal with a situation effectively.

mirry2 · 03/05/2012 17:16

I'm another one who cried at work for the first time ever and feel mortified about it. I was going over first draft of a report I'd written with my boss, who is known for pick pick picking at every thing just wouldn't stop nitpicking - eg why hadn't I finished one section; what was the problem; what was so difficult about it; it doesn't look difficult etc etc and every time I said it was only the first unfinished draft so in the end I said look there's nothing more i can say, it's not finished, you know it's not finished, you asked to see it before it was finished-- and I started welling up - and he immediately apologised and it was only when I was on my way home, bereting myself for being so silly that I realised that actually he was a bully and I don't want to work for him anymore. Luckily for me I'm starting a new job next month so won't have to work for him again.

Original poster

ceebeegeebies · 03/05/2012 21:02

Aw thanks ladies for sharing your stories and making me feel better

No it isn't my manager - my manager is just lovely and would never do that. I did speak to her yesterday about it and her exact words were 'who do they think they are upsetting you like this' along with a few choice names

I still feel embarrassed though as my manager always commends me on my unemotional nature and then I go and blow that reputation by crying

Anyway, the 'bullying' manager rang me today about something and was as nice as pie

OP posts:

stretchmummy · 03/05/2012 21:12

At my work you can barely get to the loo because its full of people having a good old sob. Only been there 4 months but thinking its only a matter of time till I join them....Like most women I cry when I am angry, not sure why it would be worse than bawling someone out or perhaps hitting them..which a bloke might do.

emsyj · 03/05/2012 21:17

Oh I had a terrible job a few years ago where I used to cry all the time - as stretchmummy says, mostly out of anger. I once blew my top and started wailing at my supervising partner and he had no idea what to do, so he just silently backed out of my office and gently closed the door. Ah, happy days!

Sounds as though you work with mostly nice people in a nice environment, but with one nasty person. I'm sure this can be sorted out. Chin up, I'm hard as nails normally but even I have bawled at work, tis nothing to be ashamed of.

BlueRinse · 03/05/2012 21:28

Can I join in?

I haven't cried yet but I am sure I will do at some point!

missingmumxox · 03/05/2012 23:54

I haven't cried recently, but am I allowed to join in? I have in the last week have 2 contractors cry on me, and I didn't mind at all, both are good and knowledgeable people in their field but where clearly stressed and justifiably upset.
both had been shouted and bullied by clients, into doing something they where not happy about, and neither thankfully had backed down, (we are medical working with safety critical people so backing down on our findings could be dangerious)
I didn't find it unprofessional at all, they had both kept their head when dealing with the client and their actual employer seems to be having a corporate meltdown, they are worried about their jobs, they don't know where they will be from day to day, they have young children and childcare issues to address, and neither has close family to fill in the gaps of childcare as one is from Africa and the other her family have moved to Spain.
So unless its something you do every 5 minutes, get a box of tissues (I carry a box in my bag, I seem to have that effect on people) and cry it out, and then regroup.

Acer76 · 04/05/2012 00:16

Me too, I did it today, when I phoned, because of being so upset at her reply ( it's on another thread) but cried when I have returned home from work before, because I loathe them and the job and I don't want to feel this way in 3 or 6 months time ( so sad about the contractors) :(

IndigoCat · 13/03/2013 22:41

I'm glad I found this thread today, I cried at work and feel rubbish for it. 2nd time in two months - cant be right?

SimLondon · 14/03/2013 22:07

Also feeling this today - didnt actually cry at work, came v.close and almost burst into tears on the chap behind the counter in the corner shop at lunch-time when he asked me if I was ok.

GinAndSlimlinePlease · 14/03/2013 22:14

Oh gosh. I've cried twice in the last week. And frankly, I'm pleased it's only twice.

LadyWidmerpool · 14/03/2013 22:31

I've been sent home in a taxi by my lovely boss after getting upset due to stress. Twice.

NuttyNewDog · 15/03/2013 00:47

If it makes anyone feel better, I've had 5 people sobbing on my shoulder at work, 3 of them men!

I found I got less emotional once I was in my forties but now I'm menopausal I'm either angry or crying.

sallysparrow157 · 15/03/2013 01:09

I have visibly cried 4 times at work (and I am a hard arsed bastard looking after poorly babies and not crying about it (ok, crying about it at home, in the pub and in morrisons car park but not at work!) type person).

Once because someone told me they were disappointed in me (I was being flippant cause I felt stupid for not knowing the answer to what he was asking, many moons ago when I was very junior, he and i sat down together later and he told me about the things he found hard to learn and how he had learnt them)

once (this was the only one that upsets me) locked in a room after a nasty unfair and untrue letter from a two-faced bitch,

once being given a very much needed 'pull your shit together' chat, but after a night shift (I appreciate that one every single day as it has made me so much better at my job)

and the last one - a lovely but socially awkward boss giving me some very kind and constructive advice but it was after the last handover of a run of night shifts, poor bloke felt awful and I felt awful for making him feel awful when he was genuinely trying to be nice!

Flip