Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Flip

Original poster

childless female work colleagues think I am a skiver

21 replies

vickibee · 08/11/2011 07:09

because I had to leave work at lunch following a call from school to collect my Ds only 4yo. Had comments like can't be bad getting afternoon off, are you going to go shopping? etc

He had a real high fever and I need to stay home today so what snidy comments will I get on my return?

Both ladies are in their 50's and live with parents, childless and invest all their effort into slating others cos they have nowt else to do.

I know they are eing unreasonable but I am a sensitve soul and hate conflict of any type

OP posts:

EdithWeston · 08/11/2011 07:24

They are be being bitchy, but presumbly they're the ones picking up the slack for your absence.

The best way to counter this is to make sure the hours you make up (or the pay you have lost) is just as noticeably to them. And to reduce the bitching, I recommend going out of your way to thank them for anything extra they needed to do when you have to leave at short notice.

Original poster

vickibee · 08/11/2011 07:36

mine is a stand alone position and my in tray just builds up when I am off. I just have to work twice as hard on my return. through lunch etc..

What upsets me most is their lack of understanding for what is a difficult and unforeseen situation.

OP posts:

SageMist · 08/11/2011 07:40

They are bitching teasing you, but it probably means nothing to them, so you need to find ways of countering this.

You could ask them what they think you should do in your situation.

Or you could reply with a sarky comment such as "yes I'm off to buy a Rolls Royce, look out for it in the morning".

This kind of thing is often part and parcel of office "banter" and you should try not take it personally. However, if you think that what they are saying is crossing a line, then you must talk to your boss about their behaviour.

Original poster

vickibee · 08/11/2011 07:46

you are prob right I am over sensitve coupled with feeling guilty about letting work down. I need to get a grip

OP posts:

EdithWeston · 08/11/2011 10:13

I hope your DS is feeling better!

Stay as calm and as professional as you can at work. The friendlier you are, and the more diligent you appear, the less such unnecessary comments will be made. Comments back only work if they are clearly good humoured banter, and nothing that could possibly be seen as escalation.

I've taken it that this is a one off. If it becomes persistent or pointed, then it would be quite a different matter.

Original poster

vickibee · 08/11/2011 16:24

he is much better today thanks, his fever has gone and he is left with a cough. Can he go to school with a cough? he has been fine all day playing indoors and generally cheerful, maybe a bit pasty

OP posts:

rookiemater · 08/11/2011 17:48

I wouldn't be bitchy or funny back. I ( if I was brave) say something like "That's a strange thing to say, you know that I am off to pick up my son who is sick don't you ?"

Tomorrow if they say anything lather and repeat " I had to leave early because my son was sick. He is now a bit better we are very relieved" The temptation is to be sarcastic or cowed, but don't be either and they will run out of steam.

Yes absolutely children can go to school with a cough, particularly if dosed up with a wee bit of Calpol beforehand.

smackapacca · 08/11/2011 19:15

The best advice I can give is to follow the correct procedures. There are procedures for dependents being sick; there's procedures for Annual Leave; parental leave etc etc...

As long as you're playing by the book don't worry.

I am the only Mum in the office (and I'm team lead), so I make sure if my child is sick then I follow procedure; if one of the other team members has a car disaster I follow procedure...

You get the picture? No favours/special treatment regardless of whether anyone has giving birth!

bananafanana · 08/11/2011 19:36

I was having a conversation about this with a friend the other day complaining about a bloke in the office with kids. She wanted to take her Birthday off but couldn't because he had the week off for half term. He's also the only person who can have three days off between Christmas and New Year because 'he's got kids'. I can understand how she feels. It does grate a bit.

If you spend a day at home, you're going to have to work the next 7.5 lunchtimes to make up the time. Are you honestly going to do that?!

I actually hate standard office hours. We work flexi which is much fairer all round. You just have to make up your hours over the week.

smackapacca · 08/11/2011 22:06

Banana - someone is authorizing that annual leave. It's not fair. Nobody should be treated differently/favoured unfairly whether or not they have kids.

Managers need to take more responsibility in this instance to make sure he isn't the only one who ever gets that time off.

Original poster

vickibee · 09/11/2011 06:38

no I will need to take a days unapid leave for TUesday and try and catch up the 2 1/2 hours when I left early. It was a genuine unforeseen emergency and I had no other option.
My male boss who has three sons was far more understanding and has emailed me to say not to worry and hope he is better soon. His son was ill revently but his wife is a SAHM so it did not impact on his work apart fro going in the car to collect him

OP posts:

FellatioNelson · 09/11/2011 06:45

Would they leave in a hurry if they got a call to say one of their parents had had a fall and was in an ambulance? Of course they would.

They sound like jealous, bitter and twisted old spinsters. Ignore.

I think it's the same reason some nuns used to beat and verbally abuse children in convent schools. All that pent up disappointment at a dull life with no sex.

Original poster

vickibee · 09/11/2011 07:03

yes I do find it unusual that both ladies have necer left their childhood home and socialise with OAP's. Cheap I guess but very dull.

OP posts:

WhollyGhost · 09/11/2011 07:09

You need to take a day's unpaid leave and also catch up on the 2 1/2 hours you missed?

That doesn't sound right.

Original poster

vickibee · 09/11/2011 07:20

parental leave is unpaid isn't it? I know people in public sector who have more generous policies but in private sector this is the norm. Unless anyone knows otherwise?

OP posts:

meglet · 09/11/2011 07:36

I'd would have had to take flexi (and make the time up over the next couple of weeks) or unpaid if I had done that in my old public sector job. These days I take unpaid. There was a good link to the direct gov site yesterday detailing emergency leave and parental leave.

WhollyGhost · 09/11/2011 07:43

I thought that it would be either you make up the 2 1/2 hours of emergency leave

you take a 1/2 day's leave

It seems unfair that you are having to work a full day for free, at a stressful time

Original poster

vickibee · 09/11/2011 08:08

I am not too bothered re unpaid leave it is one of those things.
I am so envious of people who have relatives who can help out at shoret notice. Mine live nearby but are unwilling to help at all. Hey Ho just accept it and carry on. I think it is because my Mum is old fashioned and thinks I shd be a SAHM like she was. Get disapproving tuts and comments from her too. You just can;t win?

OP posts:

Melindaaa · 09/11/2011 08:12

they are just teasing you, lighten up. Next time reply with a wink that you are off to get your nails done.

WhollyGhost · 09/11/2011 09:16

I think you should take smackapacka's excellent advice

play it by the book you'll feel less resentful and you'll know you have no reason to feel guilty

And use Fellatio's line on them when you get snidey comments - what would you do if your parents were in an accident/taken ill etc.

teddyandsheep · 09/11/2011 20:42

As a mum and also a director in the area I work in I would advise you take it in your stride - don't start quoting the HR manual or getting defensive. I think it is just part of the banter of the office. Try and rise above it.....

Flip