Agony Uncle Danny Dyer shares his "wisdom" with the readers of Zoo Magazine

[squeaver]

not sure if you can read this

Bloke asking for advice on how to get over a girlfriend is told "cut your ex's face then no one will want her..."

I'll second that

That's not even funny. (You know, some things can be funny and offensive. But this is just... weird)

WTF surely there is some sort governing body for Journalism to make a complaint too that horrific!
I can't believe someone would think thats an acceptable thing to say and the ZOO would be some utterly stupid to print such a thing.

Good old Danny
DH gets all his relationship advice form Uncle D. He is a gem

Fucking hell. I always knew he was a twat - didn't quite realise to what extent.

Fucking hell. That's not even remotely funny, not even in a "that really shouldn't be funny but it is" kind of way. I am literally sat here like this

Also he is advised to go out on a drinking binge and smash anything that moves.

Fine advice

Don't think the PCC would handle something like this because a complaint has to be from an individual directly affected by the article

how long before someone comes along to tell us we have no sense of humour and it doesn't count because it's irony?

Well, clearly it's set up as not genuine advice. So I can ignore that in the same way you might say to a mate 'aw, go and rip up all his clothes and throw them out the window'. You wouldn't expect them to actually DO it. It would be a joke.

But 'cut her face' - just does not scan well. It is just so weird. And not funny. Maybe 'steal all her make-up' or something. But cut her face???

Oh come on, we've all done it haven't we Lollipop?

(steal all her make-up would be mildly rankling, too of course, but not in the same league)

Lol at 'steal her make up'

It isn't even remotely funny, just offensive.

And it's not even really Danny Dyer. Just how the "Danny Dyer" character may react. A bit like those fake "Famous person's diary" entries in the Guardian magazine. It's clearly fiction on all levels.

mrsr well yes, I have had some rather wild nights out, I admit.

These days a wild night is when I get a pepsi refill at the Harvester. Perhaps I could liven things up and smash up one of the bread rolls!

Or snap a chopstick in two?
That'll show her

Just so you know, I'm going to start a thread in chat about this too.

I googled zoo magazine, if you scroll to the bottom of the page theres a report abuse - one of the options is glorifying violence. I reported it. Doubt I'll hear anything tho.

Good idea Squeaver, it might get hidden away in this section.

I've been trying to think myself into the mind of a 20ish bloke who thinks this is really hilarious and I think I've worked out why it disturbs me.
It is funny, and it would make you feel better if you were a bloke who had just been dumped, because while you might not really be going to cut your ex's face you know you could.

if it said for example, 'get a dinosaur to eat her' that would not be funny at all, because obviously you couldn't. But men are usually bigger and stronger than women and anyone can get hold of a knife. So it reminds you 'never mind, eh, women are still the weaker sex and you're still a big strong man'.

yuck yuck at the revolting mindset which produced this.

It's not funny because that's exactly what some men do do to women who have dumped them.

Acid is another preferred method to keep the bitches in their place.

Oh, oh, are you sure then that this isn't actually taking he piss out of Danny Dyer? I.e 'this is what that dickhead would say'. Would make more sense if that was the case. Had assumed it was actually written by DD (well, in the same way that Alex Reid 'writes'/takes credit for his column in Star). Maybe would have to read the mag to get the context...

Adair, that's what I thought.