I am sorry you've been put in this position. In my city, at least years ago, it was possible to get a smear at the sexual health clinic - terminology varies, but a place anyone can turn up and register in addition to their GP registration and which does contraception, sexual health and, it turns out, smears. Worth looking into. Also, in Scotland, when you have a smear what happens is you are tested for high-risk HPV variants. If negative, nobody ever actually looks at the smear. (I was surprised, but it's because the correlation between cervical cancer and those variants is so strong.) You can get a self-administered test for the high-risk HPV variants from chemists; might be worth doing to give yourself peace of mind if in fact you don't have any and wouldn't be getting your smear looked at anyway.