Adam Kay

[AsTreesWalking]

Anyone hear Desert Island Discs this morning? He's quite an interesting fellow, who resigned as a doctor in obstetrics because he couldn't bear his grief over deaths of babies and mothers.
Imagine my surprise-disbelief- to hear that he and his husband have 2 babies under a year old from 2 surrogate mothers. And he actually said that he hopes the children will forgive any mistakes they will make...

His books are pretty misogynistic, so not an enormous surprise.

Agreed.

I agree with you, @TheCountessofFitzdotterel His sexuality is completely irrelevant.

Someone mentioned above that Adam Kay quit medicine because he could not cope with mothers and babies dying when he worked in obstetrics. I find it interesting that, as a medic, the responsibility/pressure/guilt in that situation was too much for him, but now he CAN cope with the risk of women and babies dying when it comes to buying a baby (two babies!).

His responsibility as a "commissioning parent" is different in kind, not in degree, from his responsibility as a doctor. But money creates the illusion of consent, and he can wrap himself up in that lie.

As other posters said, surprised but not surprised. Disgusted.

The main difference I see between Adam May and the famous women who also use surrogates is that he claims he left his job because he couldn’t bear the sadness of losing babies and/or mothers. BUT when it came to him wanting something that he couldn’t have ‘naturally’ he was fine for 2 separate women to potentially become one of those sad cases that he left his job to get away from.

And I am not excusing the women who have used surrogates either. I know one famous woman (can’t remember which unfortunately) who has used a surrogate has openly said that she couldn’t spare the time and the stress that a pregnancy would put on their body. So how important was actually having a child then?

No one is entitled to be a parent, life is unfair and unfortunately some people can’t accept this.

Here's an interesting fact about the delightful Dr Adam Kay:

'The Mail on Sunday can reveal that, while he worked for the NHS, Kay wrote parody songs with his colleague Dr Suman Biswas that were performed at the Edinburgh Fringe.

The duo released an album called Fitness To Practice in 2004 including the song Your Baby, which features the lyrics: 'Your baby has Trisomy/ You shouldn't have kids at 53/ He'll have severe mental retardation/ How would you feel about a termination?'

The next verse says: 'A bit of a mong your baby/ Your baby has trisom, it's what he will die from/ Your baby's got trisomy.''

From www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10506277/amp/This-Going-Hurt-author-Adam-Kay-sang-vile-songs-Downs-syndrome-baby.html

100% this, he's a raging misogynist.

He reminds me of someone I knew as a student who was similarly uncompassionate (if that's a word??). He openly admitted that he wanted to be a doctor for the power trip and the intellectual challenge of the exams. Helping and healing people had absolutely nothing to do with it and I thought of him many times as I was reading Adam Kay's book.

I wouldn't have finished the book if I wasn't reading it for a book club, I really hated it.

If you want to know what a sensitive, caring human being he is, read the lyrics to songs such as 'Your Baby', 'Menstrual Rag', or 'Nothing at All'.

Ah, all of the above have also been called out on here. Fair dos.
The hypocrisy/double standard there rise I can see, I guess that's why he has kept it quiet until now.
I did offer to be a surrogate once (not for money), as I couldn't bear to see the pain someone was going through. Perhaps that has coloured my view. I am aware that altruistic surrogacy is rare compared with commercial and the arguments regarding my body/my choice - as with sex work - don't work for those who have no choice and are vulnerable/exploited.

Unpopular opinion but surrogacy as a choice is a bit gross? | Mumsnet
Another Kardashian ksurrogacy | Mumsnet
Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra Surrogacy | Mumsnet
FFS re. Hilaria & Alec Baldwin and normalisation of surrogacy | Mumsnet
Rebel Wilson has had her first child via surrogate | Mumsnet
So upset by commercial surrogacy | Mumsnet
To feel uncomfortable with celebrity surrogacy? | Mumsnet
Nicole Kidman has another baby | Mumsnet
Surrogacy makes me very uncomfortable | Mumsnet
Sarah Jessica Parker expecting twins through a surrogate | Mumsnet

There have been many threads about those dreadful women as well. He's just the most recent person to talk about it.

If none of the other options work for them, then they can't become parents. You can't buy and sell human beings.

Well you can, but you shouldn't.

Do you genuinely disagree with that? You support the buying and selling of human beings?

I wouldn't have finished the book if I wasn't reading it for a book club, I really hated it.

I chucked his book on the fire, (fortunately I hadn't actually paid for the steaming pile of misogyny) I wouldn't even contemplate putting it in the charity bag. Nasty, misogynist man.

His books were dreadful, and as a midwife I would have hated working with him.
So misogynistic and dismissive of women's rights generally.

Fuck me Adam

just because it rhymes it doesn’t make it ok

and as for ‘you shouldn’t have babies at 53’, well yes, that’s biological reality for you

shall we try another one? How about ‘two men can’t make a baby’

I did offer to be a surrogate once (not for money), as I couldn't bear to see the pain someone was going through. Perhaps that has coloured my view. I am aware that altruistic surrogacy is rare

And where does the child figure in this supposed 'altruism'? Being used as a tool to assuage an adult's pain, there is nothing altruistic about that.

Children are not commodities.

I really didn't like the way he spoke about women in this book. I hated it.

This piece of work?

https://www.stlyrics.com/songs/a/adamkay26036/menstrualrag1115742.html

https://unherd.com/2022/02/adam-kays-dangerous-misogyny/

'Women are reduced, consciously or not, to a series of stinking and repulsive orifices with imbeciles attached to them. The misogyny — the dehumanisation I am sure kills women — is relentless.'

I imagine he views himself as a saviour, with desires to spread his genes to save womankind

That's the one. If I got a bit of Adam Kay on the sole of my shoe I'd have to throw the pair away.

On DID, AK seemed self absorbed and unpleasant

I’d love him to have explained the mystifying decision to put two women through childbirth, so he could have a baby

Er, money? The women weren't forced into giving birth. If the couple wanted children, then there aren't many options.

Agree. Dh is a Consultant he read Kay’s book and watched the TV series, his verdict was “Yeah he was never going to make it, didn’t have what it takes”. And Dh was also actually pissed off at Kay’s attitude towards his patients, when he comes across that sort of shit at work (which is very rare), he calls it out immediately.

Yep there's been threads on them.

I find this guy particularly repellent due to his books. I tried to watch the TV version but had to stop because I found the tone towards women so utterly awful. It's rare I will have such a strong negative reaction to anything on TV.

This is so not a surprise to me. And I didn't know he was gay.

Awful man. Hates women.

Me too i couldnt stand him in the book. Condescending and full of self importance.
But the TV series i found moving and great actors.

So you can have anything you want as long as you can pay for it?