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Original poster

Surrogacy makes me very uncomfortable

795 replies

HermioneKipper · 14/09/2021 23:34

I was listening to Giovanna Fletcher’s podcast with H from Steps and hearing them talk about him using a surrogate for his twins made me feel very uncomfortable.

It’s essentially renting a woman’s body to buy a baby.

I understand the woman must’ve consented but she was paid and it doesn’t take into account the risk she was putting her body through. Pregnancy and childbirth is a huge strain on a woman’s body and she risks serious injury giving birth that she’ll have for life.

Even more so as she had twins which is even more dangerous.

And the babies taken away from their birth mother immediately. Who knows what harm it does to them.

It feels akin to the black market of buying and selling organs.

I know I have children so perhaps don’t have the right to comment but it doesn’t sit right with me.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 14/09/2021 23:36

her choice
no one is forcing you to do this - or listen to podcasts about it.

Bells3032 · 14/09/2021 23:37

If you're not comfortable with surrogacy then don't become a surrogate. What other people do with their bodies is up them.

Fyi in the UK you cannot pay someone to be a surrogate.

Original poster
HermioneKipper · 14/09/2021 23:37

Is it a choice though if poor women are doing this to make money for their families?

OP posts:
Original poster
HermioneKipper · 14/09/2021 23:39

Yes I know you can’t pay someone in the UK, which is why he said he went to America to do it. The laws are also different there. Eg rights over the baby before it’s born etc

OP posts:
Imcatmum · 14/09/2021 23:39

I hate to point it out because it's not a competition, but women use buy male genetic material too. I think you're wrong that a baby suffers without its mother. A baby can be beautifully cared for and loved and bonded to anyone with the right intentions. Humans are not so delicate.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/09/2021 23:39

I believe in the uk its illegal to pay someone to be a surrogate

SoundBar · 14/09/2021 23:39

YANBU but you'll be cancelled for saying so.

Just because men will pay for it doesn't make it ok

MyPatronusIsACat · 14/09/2021 23:40

.

Surrogacy makes me very uncomfortable
Original poster
HermioneKipper · 14/09/2021 23:40

Yes @Bells3032 this is true. I wouldn’t be able to do it for someone. I’m interested in other peoples views on the subject

OP posts:
ImNotDancing · 14/09/2021 23:40
Biscuit
DoucheCanoe · 14/09/2021 23:41

Lots of women on here feel the same.

Many of these women are disadvantaged and agree to surrogacy through desperation.

NiceGerbil · 14/09/2021 23:41

I agree with you OP.

This thread will kick off. And there's unlikely to be any accord at the end. Very contraversial topic.

You're very brave!

Lockheart · 14/09/2021 23:42

Oh good another thread on this topic, how original.

Please remember that there will be women who have been surrogates on this site and there will be parents on this site who have had their children through surrogacy.

MyPatronusIsACat · 14/09/2021 23:44

@NiceGerbil

I agree with you OP.

This thread will kick off. And there's unlikely to be any accord at the end. Very contraversial topic.

You're very brave!

Brave? PMSL! Grin What a joke!
Gohaveanap · 14/09/2021 23:46

Yes, it’s yet another example of purchasing female bodies. Just because some women think they are actively choosing it doesn’t mean it’s not part of a systematic oppression of women. It’s highly correlated with poor, or drug addicted women who feel they have little choice.

Original poster
HermioneKipper · 14/09/2021 23:46

I’m honestly not trying to start a bunfight. I haven’t thought about it too much before until I got to thinking after I listened to that podcast which I generally quite like.

I guess it really made me think because I’ve also had twins and the pregnancy was absolutely horrendous and I was extremely ill. I also lost a lot of blood during the birth and they were worried. I also have some ongoing issues from the pregnancy. I felt terrible for the woman who may have dealt with similar but then would have to immediately give up the babies following the birth

OP posts:
Whattheschitt · 14/09/2021 23:47

It's like anything though, it's open to abuse. I imagine the majority of people who are surrogates or use a surrogate are doing it purely for giving the gift of a baby to a family. However you are right, you will always unfortunately encounter situations where people's finances will dictate the situation and that will be the motive behind it.

It's the way of life.

Lollipop567 · 14/09/2021 23:48

My best friend used a surrogate (her sister) as she’d had many late term miscarriages and just couldn’t carry a child. She is the most amazing mother, her son has always known what happened and is really close to his aunty. It’s completely different to paying someone far less fortunate. Surrogacy isn’t black and white.

Doyoumind · 14/09/2021 23:48

I agree.

I know lots of women feel they are doing it for altruistic reasons but I think it can actually be associated with issues over self worth. Where payments are allowed, it's pure exploitation.

ArtichokeAardvark · 14/09/2021 23:49

I'll put my head above the parapet. A friend of mine went down the surrogacy route to have her son. She's a cancer survivor but the chemo left her infertile and doctors advised that she shouldn't try carrying her own child even though she had her eggs frozen before starting treatment. She and her DH were desperate for a child and first looked at adopting, but you can't adopt in the UK if you've had cancer.

In the end, they found a surrogate in the US who'd done it once before already. The surrogate also has 3 kids of her own, and became a surrogate because she couldn't afford the extortionate fees to send her eldest to a private school. She enjoys being pregnant and finds pregnancy easy, and it's highly regulated in the US so safe.

longerevenings · 14/09/2021 23:50

It is abusive to babies to remove them from their mothers except as a last resort.

I have removed dc in this situation, it is a trauma that should only be done if really needed.

Children shouldn't be bought or sold, neither should woman be paid for use of their body parts.

Whattheschitt · 14/09/2021 23:51

@ArtichokeAardvark

I'll put my head above the parapet. A friend of mine went down the surrogacy route to have her son. She's a cancer survivor but the chemo left her infertile and doctors advised that she shouldn't try carrying her own child even though she had her eggs frozen before starting treatment. She and her DH were desperate for a child and first looked at adopting, but you can't adopt in the UK if you've had cancer.

In the end, they found a surrogate in the US who'd done it once before already. The surrogate also has 3 kids of her own, and became a surrogate because she couldn't afford the extortionate fees to send her eldest to a private school. She enjoys being pregnant and finds pregnancy easy, and it's highly regulated in the US so safe.

^ this is exactly why surrogacy works.
EL8888 · 14/09/2021 23:52

No offence but it’s hard to comment when you don’t have severe fertility issues or barriers to having children

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 14/09/2021 23:54

It's appalling and should be made illegal. It's the height of entitlement. Payment might not be technically allowed but there are ways round it and you'd have to be very naive to think it doesn't happen or that it doesn't affect the child.

longerevenings · 14/09/2021 23:55

I had fertility issues as well as working in Child Protection.

I understand the deep desire to have dc, but that doesn't make surrogacy ok.

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