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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Toilets at works Xmas do

21 replies

worksdo1 · 10/12/2021 07:24

Please bear with me, I'm a little hungover.

Works Christmas do last night in a very fancy restaurant in a big city centre. The toilets were mixed sex. I didn't know this until I walked in, took a left to the nearest cubicles and walked past a row of urinals with these poor startled men hunkered down at them. Apparently there was another row of cubicles further up that didn't have urinals and this is how it was split. One shared set of sinks and hand dryers.

I work in a male dominated tech type field, but I'm in a role traditionally held by women. Used to dealing with my fair share of casual misogyny. The men were not comfortable with this set up at all. And neither was I.

The cubicles themselves were about 10 feet tall. Sides were fully floor to ceiling and the doors had about a 1cm gap at the bottom and 4cm gap at the top. I can't remember now if the cubicles near the urinals had sanitary bins or not. But all the sinks were in a separate communal area. This set up is against the law isn't it?

I want to take a stand against this. I don't think my workplace would have altered their choice of venue, it's a small company and those who decided to book there had been multiple times before. I can't complain to work though, I have zero influence there and will risk my job.

Obviously the very fancy restaurant know what they're doing and it's not putting people off going. So is there anything at all I can do? I'd have to stay anonymous but we did have around 40 people at our party last night, good even split of men/women with the usual power imbalance of only 1 senior female and 15 or so senior men. I'd really appreciate advice.

OP posts:

Rightsraptor · 10/12/2021 08:07

I don't think it is against the law in a hospitality setting and think laws around this only apply to workplaces and schools. But IANAL and may be wrong, I often am.

But I do think it's great that the men were uncomfortable (not surprisingly). If they have the power in the company, hopefully they'll complain.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 10/12/2021 08:23

It's not against the law, but you could write a more or less anonymous review online. Maybe wait a couple of weeks. I wouldn't want to go anywhere like that.

dolorsit · 10/12/2021 09:11

@Rightsraptor

I don't think it is against the law in a hospitality setting and think laws around this only apply to workplaces and schools. But IANAL and may be wrong, I often am.

But I do think it's great that the men were uncomfortable (not surprisingly). If they have the power in the company, hopefully they'll complain.

Having used mixed sex facilities abroad I saw that British men were very uncomfortable using them. After having made friends with the locals we discovered that they were horrified at women using the mixed sex public toilets. Usually women used unisex facilities in shops and cafes/pubs. In hindsight I realised that the mixed sex facilities were not really designed for women to use.

Childrenofthestones · 10/12/2021 10:10

In surprised that mixed sex toilets have a wall of open urinals. Is this normal in mixed sex facilities.

ArabellaScott · 10/12/2021 10:26

I think it is against building regs, or H&S rules, at least. Recall someone on MN recently wrote to a venue - theatre? - about this and they changed them all back.

Nevertime · 10/12/2021 10:29

It's not usual for unisex toilets to have urinals? We've just converted a toilet to unisex (long difficult story) and removed the urinals as part of the conversion.

TBH I'm not convinced you were in a unisex toilet

SiobhanSharpe · 10/12/2021 10:34

I'm surprised that a big fancy restaurant has unisex toilets.
I've not seen this in the UK (but have in France) and I would definitely complain.
But I no longer work and thus have no job to lose. I realise it's not easy for people who do.
I had afternoon tea in a posh London hotel a few weeks ago and the toilets were wonderful. And all single sex, of course.

IntermittentParps · 10/12/2021 10:56

@SiobhanSharpe

I'm surprised that a big fancy restaurant has unisex toilets. I've not seen this in the UK (but have in France) and I would definitely complain. But I no longer work and thus have no job to lose. I realise it's not easy for people who do. I had afternoon tea in a posh London hotel a few weeks ago and the toilets were wonderful. And all single sex, of course.

Was it Claridges? I went there for afternoon tea for a hen do and the loos were gorgeous. (the whole place was too, obviously, I'm not a loo fetishist/weirdo...)

TheSonjaMorgan · 10/12/2021 11:13

Tell us where it was and I will visit then happy to write a review complaining about the loos. The more they get they may revisit their decision? Worth a try?

SiobhanSharpe · 10/12/2021 11:16

@IntermittentParps No, but I've been there too and totally agree! This was the Rosewood in Holborn, gorgeous 5* hotel.

IntermittentParps · 10/12/2021 11:18

Oooh, looks lovely...

FitAt50 · 10/12/2021 11:33

As a man I totally support you. I have just started working in fancy new office with unisex toilets. I get 'stage fright' at the worst of times, but trying to take a pooh with a lady in the same area is mortifying. Am sure its even worse for the females as men can be rather noisy and unhygienic.

Original poster

worksdo1 · 10/12/2021 17:32

Thanks for all the comments. I think I will look in to if it is against building regs. It's a new restaurant in a new building and has been designed this way.

We spent over £7k with them which isn't exactly relevant, but not the kind of sum I would think places would want to lose if they knew lots of women would actually chose not to go if they knew the toilets were mixed sex.

OP posts:

AliceThorpe · 10/12/2021 17:46

I would certainly write to the venue and express my discomfort.

I understand why it might seem difficult to mention it at work but the person booking the venue probably was not aware and they might just need a nudge to ask the question in future and steer away from anywhere that does not have single sex loos.

RoseyLentil · 10/12/2021 18:13

Ugh.
I work in a heavily male dominated environment and we are currently building a new facility to merge three locations into one. I joined the organisation just over a year ago and one of the first things I did was to put a stop to the unisex/mixed sex showers, loos and changing facilities 😬. We need more women in my field and having mixed sex facilities is not the way to do it 🙄

Rightsraptor · 10/12/2021 18:19

Mixed sex showers, @RoseyLentil? FFS what were these people thinking?

RavingAnnie · 10/12/2021 18:28

@IntermittentParps I tell everyone about the toilets at Claridges! They are amazing, the highlight of my visit!

IntermittentParps · 10/12/2021 18:30

[quote RavingAnnie]@IntermittentParps I tell everyone about the toilets at Claridges! They are amazing, the highlight of my visit![/quote]
Claridges would be thrilled to hear that, I'm sure.

CatsOperatingInGangs · 10/12/2021 18:39

Online anonymous review is the way to go. Other potential customers will see it and make their own decisions about booking for that restaurant. I personally wouldn’t on the basis of the loos alone.

MushroomHunter · 10/12/2021 20:18

Something tells me all new builds are going to be this way?! We recently visited a new facility where all the toilets were unisex. I asked the owner and he told me they had to do them like that for building regs.

Obvs never went back, disgusted by it.

FreeBritnee · 10/12/2021 20:28

Interestingly I was at Peterborough services this evening and was horrified to walk out of the women’s toilets (with my child) and have my eyeline straight into the men’s toilets/cubicles with a man having a piss, door wide open.

Is this going to become the norm? That women and children have to be confronted by a strangers penis whilst trying to use the facilities and there’s no problem with that. I was so shocked I didn’t even complain. It looked like the toilets were being renovated or something but my god, we don’t want to see dicks in the wild.

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