Best responses for being asked for pronouns in person

[Seraphinite]

I’m going to a residential training course (not UK) and I suspect they will ask us for pronouns when we introduce ourselves on day one. (I’ve been to something with this organization before and have seen it)

What are some good responses I can give? Is saying ‘I prefer not to say’ best?

I don’t want to draw attention to it, be adversarial or open up discussion, I just don’t want to answer.

(For avoidance of doubt, I don’t buy in to gender ideology so that’s why I don’t want to answer. To me, stating my pronouns indicates I think it’s an ok question to ask in the first place )

@xxyzz

Don't know if I'd do this, but I'd be very tempted to say slowly 'My what? My pro..nouns? I don't really understand what you mean?' in a slightly baffled way (as though you'd just stepped off the plane from say 2015 and had not the faintest idea what they meant)?

Then have fun watching them try to explain what they mean by preferred pronouns, looking slightly baffled and concerned.

Eventually, a little light laugh and a 'No! I still don't really get it! My name is X! Will that do?'

Everyone else will be cringing too much by this point hopefully to continue with the whole performative shitshow.

Oh, I'd love to do this if given the opportunity. I bet the majority of people haven't thought very deeply about it at all: they've just been told it's the right and kind thing to do.

And can we please put an end to the fallacy that third person pronouns are only used when the person isn't present? There are lots of instances where they are used when you're present, especially in group situations.

Agreed. It's a tiresome argument and not the reason I don't want to state pronouns.

Saying she/her is too easy and lets the asker off the hook. Be a pain in the arse like they’re being. Tell them you’re a post-gender individualist and pronouns are counter to your individuality so you don’t use them, you insist they use your full name at all times.

I’ve only been asked this once and I answered “What an odd question. Is it a game - can you explain it?” The facilitator was a bit put out, giggled, talked about inclusion and feeling comfortable. The next person said “I think we’re all feeling uncomfortable now. I don’t understand it either” and just said their name and company and job and no one else after that mentioned pronouns.

I noticed she dropped the she/her from her LinkedIn profile after that. I think it’s the unthinking adoption of this that has to be challenged.

It’s become more widespread so feigned ignorance might not work now.

I have never misgendered anyone in my life, including trans people

The whole point is that you wouldn't know if you'd misgendered anyone unless you had specifically asked what their gender is first. Gender is an invisible feeling. That's the whole problem with it and why it shouldn't override sex in specific situations!

"I don't care what pronouns you use, but my adjectives are 'mighty' and 'glorious'. Please use them or you'll trigger me".

I'd be itching to say She/Ra

But probably not the best idea

"Me, me, me"

Or "Emphasising that I'm female hasn't really worked well for me given all the sexism in the workplace"

My pronouns are...irrelevant.

Me: Hi, I'm dudsville.

Course leader: and your pronouns?

Me: I just came here today to learn x and don't wish things to get more personal than that.

So basically I'm saying I'm here to focus on the task, not on me in a more personal way, including my politics.

Female ones

Or no thanks

I’m yet to experience this

I only answer to "your highness".

I wouldn’t say anything that implied I had pronouns because even statements like “I’d prefer not to say” are admitting adherence to the ideology of gender.

I’d just omit that bit and state my name. If I was pushed, I’d simply say “No, thanks”. They’re hardly going to insist you say something, are they?

Or you could feign ignorance and say “Capricorn”, or feign excited enthusiasm and get out a wodge of A4 paper, explain your pronouns vary and that you’ve helpfully prepared an information sheet for everyone about what precise pronoun is to be used when and how to pronounce them all.

But personally I’d just ignore it.

Puzzled expression and ‘do you plan to talk about me in the third person in my presence?’ (Group work notwithstanding as pp has pointed out).

Or...’pronouns? Sorry we don’t have those on my home planet.’

"No thankyou."

What I would actually do is ignore that bit of the intro and if pressed do a fake tinkly laugh and say ‘it’s up to you / I don’t mind’.
What I’d like to do is, if pushed, act all surprised ‘can’t you tell’ or ‘I don’t think people have pronouns - tinkly laugh - some have adjectives though’.

I would introduce myself as xxx and then add wife and mother (don't know if that is the same aa you op) if someone is stupid enough to them ask for pronouns I would say she of course

I would say, ‘I use sex based pronouns’ and follow it up by asking ‘is anyone unsure of my sex?’
Can’t stand all the gender bollocks.

"Surprise me"

I would say, ‘I use sex based pronouns'

I like this response too.

Was going to say exactly this - second person singular is “you”

I think that's the point the poster is making - if someone asks you face-to-face what your pronouns are, the poster is suggesting 'you' because that's how you'd address someone in a face-to-face conversation.

@Its90minutestonight

"Surprise me"

Haha at this. This would make me / people laugh don’t think I could go through with it

I’m with op is just want an out and not indulge it without becoming a point of interest

What are pronouns? And why would somebody ask what they are?

I don't understand 😕

"Why do you need to know?"

When I was growing up "she was the cat's mother".