Best responses for being asked for pronouns in person

[Seraphinite]

I’m going to a residential training course (not UK) and I suspect they will ask us for pronouns when we introduce ourselves on day one. (I’ve been to something with this organization before and have seen it)

What are some good responses I can give? Is saying ‘I prefer not to say’ best?

I don’t want to draw attention to it, be adversarial or open up discussion, I just don’t want to answer.

(For avoidance of doubt, I don’t buy in to gender ideology so that’s why I don’t want to answer. To me, stating my pronouns indicates I think it’s an ok question to ask in the first place )

Ask what a pronoun is, then keep asking more convoluted questions about it, and say you have never been very good at languages.

Although I would actually just go with they and them just to annoy people because they don’t want to have to make an effort to remember the pronouns of menopausal women.

Still in love with wombstress as a pronoun though.

"Looking at me what do you think my pronouns are?"

"I don't own any pronouns"

"The ones normally used when referring to person of my sex"

"Pronouns are what other people use when talking about me not to me and I don't believe in policing the speech of other people"

I go to a lot of hobby things where it's normal to ask people to introduce themselves with their pronouns. I just introduce myslf without. If I'm ever pushed I plan on saying in a syrupy voice; "Oh thanks but I'm not really comfortable sharing my pronouns, you can just call my Billy.

@UhtredRagnarson

You could always answer with “it’s extremely transphobic to insist on someone identifying their pronouns.”

This !

@OnlyTheLangOfTheTitberg that’s exactly right - a neutral response without caving is what I’m after.

'I don't have any'

'Are you trying to say I look like a man?'

'If you are talking to me use my name, if you are talking about me use whatever you want; I'm not there to hear it'

I'm also with the poster who said words to the effect of, 'I call myself I, and you can call me you or Seraphinite' maybe along with a slightly puzzled look - but a brisk 'second person singular' has a great ring to it!

My plan is to say "oh it's fine thanks, whatever you feel most comfortable with" .

(In the tone of someone turning down an offer of help)

I've not yet had to do it, but I hope that it would present the refusal as a nice generous thing rather than being confrontational.

"Are you trying to say I look like a man?"

Ooh, I think I'll go for that if I'm ever asked danadas .

"I'll pass, thanks."

I read interesting articles, by more than one transsexual who regularly flummoxed people by giving that answer. (They did not like the compulsory and performative pronoun rounds at all. For a number of reasons, not least of which was that if they insisted on a pronoun round, it was like a public announcement that you didn't pass. And making it a group performance was worse than one or two people calling you by the pronoun that corresponded to your sex.)

I wouldn't be drawn into justifying myself or any sort of debate. Just a "no, thanks". If anyone ever insisted (or pissed me off enough), my long answer would be something like "I grew up in a totalitarian state without freedom of speech. I don't ever want to live like that again, it's miserable. So, thanks for asking but I would never deny you the right to choose your own words."

If I felt combative, I might add that I expect them to respect my right to choose my own words, too.

I prefer one and oneself. If you wish to speak to me by name, I choose to be called ‘your majesty’

😁

“I am yet to decide, and don’t want to be pressed. Thank you”.

'I am a narcissist. Please always refer to me by my proper name.'

'oh. I thought I passed sad face '

'I don't believe in compelled speech, you may use whatever you like.'

'don't ever, EVER, talk about me behind my back.'

But if ever I am asked I will say:

'I don't want to talk about my gender identity in public. Thanks.'

Don't know if I'd do this, but I'd be very tempted to say slowly 'My what? My pro..nouns? I don't really understand what you mean?' in a slightly baffled way (as though you'd just stepped off the plane from say 2015 and had not the faintest idea what they meant)?

Then have fun watching them try to explain what they mean by preferred pronouns, looking slightly baffled and concerned.

Eventually, a little light laugh and a 'No! I still don't really get it! My name is X! Will that do?'

Everyone else will be cringing too much by this point hopefully to continue with the whole performative shitshow.

Rather than second person, singular, I prefer 'nominative case, singular' (I) or 'vocative case, singular '(you) if you want to go along that line. Most people will have never studied Latin so won't have the fuck idea what you are saying but probably wouldn't challenge it.

I'd answer she/her at the time but then I'd corner the trainer when they're alone to share my very trans inclusive concerns about how if there were people in the group not comfortable with their chosen gender you'd effectively out them....

I have several times used "are you asking me to out myself, here and now? On your order? Nice way you have of being an "ally"!" in an incredulous, offended and outraged tone. It has always caused panic, profuse apologies and backtracking at a speed never before seen, with no further mention of pronouns.

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff

You could also just say "second person singular, thanks!" with a breezy smile and leave them to admit they don't actually understand how pronouns work......

This is a great idea. I'd like to use this, or perhaps I'd say 'first person singular' as those are my pronouns. I know there's no chance in hell I'd ever say "she/her" or any equivalent.

Where, this and mine.

Oh do you mean personal pronouns? Well they are personal and I don't want to share thank you.

Or one a friend went with, "dude".

@rabbitwoman
'I don't believe in compelled speech, you may use whatever you like.'
That's the bunny! (sorry)
I don't see how anyone can object, or rather, make a complaint that would be upheld, about that.

Couple of thoughts (woken by toddler!)
Just asking them why they need them, and musing it must be difficult for them to remember them all, and how would they know if they'd got them wrong seeing as you normally wouldn't be present when they use them (bore them...)
My DH who's a never apologise, never explain kind of person would probably shut it down with "nah, you're alright"
Or you could say "I didn't know this was still a thing. Feels very 2018" and/or mention the Yogyakarta principles

Or (warming to a theme!) you could ask them if they also need your age, sex, disability, race, maternity status etc and ask what this personal information will be used for. Mutter about GDPR

@McDuffy

Or (warming to a theme!) you could ask them if they also need your age, sex, disability, race, maternity status etc and ask what this personal information will be used for. Mutter about GDPR

Actually ignore this, gender ID isn't covered by the EA2010 so isn't comparing like-with-like

Since it is actually against the Yogyakarta principles to ask for them, I would say something along the lines of in solidarity with those not ready to reveal theirs, I don’t either. Please refer to me however you like when I am not there, as I shan’t know and shan’t mind.

With a straight face, tell them it's Shkle / Shkler