Best responses for being asked for pronouns in person

[Seraphinite]

I’m going to a residential training course (not UK) and I suspect they will ask us for pronouns when we introduce ourselves on day one. (I’ve been to something with this organization before and have seen it)

What are some good responses I can give? Is saying ‘I prefer not to say’ best?

I don’t want to draw attention to it, be adversarial or open up discussion, I just don’t want to answer.

(For avoidance of doubt, I don’t buy in to gender ideology so that’s why I don’t want to answer. To me, stating my pronouns indicates I think it’s an ok question to ask in the first place )

@Talkwhilstyouwalk

Excuse my ignorance but please could someone explain. Is a trans woman a man by sex and a woman by gender or the other way around?

A trans women is someone who is of the male sex but identifies as the gender female

A trans man is someone with female sex but gender identity of male

I’d say, “a third person singular, please, but definitely NOT a plural”, and thus avoid the dreaded singular “they”

Is this really a thing nowadays? I couldn't imagine going up to someone and asking this question. Why isn't "Hi, what's your name?" enough?

@BillyTodd

I go to a lot of hobby things where it's normal to ask people to introduce themselves with their pronouns. I just introduce myslf without. If I'm ever pushed I plan on saying in a syrupy voice; "Oh thanks but I'm not really comfortable sharing my pronouns, you can just call my Billy.

I must either be living under a rock or really old... can't believe this is how people say hello to each other these days.

Yeah it's definitely a thing and becoming more so.

I was thinking about if my workplace decided to make email signatures with pronouns compulsory. I think I would refuse, on the basis that insisting is a trans-excluding policy. There may be people who are questioning their own gender identity, or who do not wish to come out at work just yet, or at all. A compulsory email footer or introduction policy is a surefire way to make those people uncomfortable. Not very woke, is it?

i dont really see the point of this debate to be honest...i mean we all have pronouns and its obvious but if someone is 'woke' enough to ask me then id just say she.

its just grammar and i think theres bigger things to be worried about than that

@DeeKavCoffee, try reading the 'drip drip drip' post upthread.

@DeeKavCoffee

i dont really see the point of this debate to be honest...i mean we all have pronouns and its obvious but if someone is 'woke' enough to ask me then id just say she.

its just grammar and i think theres bigger things to be worried about than that

For the majority of people, being asked their pronouns is essentially asking if they are transgender. You may be fine with this but lots of ppl find it an intrusive and inappropriate question about what may be a private part of their life that might disadvantage them in the workplace.

@DeeKavCoffee

i dont really see the point of this debate to be honest...i mean we all have pronouns and its obvious but if someone is 'woke' enough to ask me then id just say she.

its just grammar and i think theres bigger things to be worried about than that

Sadly it's far from "just grammar"

@YetAnotherSpartacus

I would say, ‘I use sex based pronouns'

I like this response too.

He/She aren't strictly speaking sex-based. They're masculine/feminine, not male/female.

@DeeKavCoffee

i dont really see the point of this debate to be honest...i mean we all have pronouns and its obvious but if someone is 'woke' enough to ask me then id just say she.

its just grammar and i think theres bigger things to be worried about than that

It's not just grammar. It's a proxy for checking your stance on gender woo.

In terms of the law at least, though, is there an argument that trans women could/should be included in legislation regarding women?

Sure. Absolutely. As long as we have evidence that trans women are statistically indistinguishable from female people: that they have the same opportunities, suffer the same limitations, suffer the same level of domestic and sexual violence, are abused and trafficked the same way, commit the same crimes at the same rate, have the same pay gap, take on the same amount of unpaid domestic and caring labour, are underrepresented in seats of economic, cultural and political power to the same degree, suffer the same workplace and social micro (and macro-) aggressions...show me the evidence for that and I'll campaign alongside you. But without that evidence, based simply the ideological assertion that they share an undefinable and undetectable womaness with me that I don't even recognise in myself? No.

Great answer.