Best responses for being asked for pronouns in person

[Seraphinite]

I’m going to a residential training course (not UK) and I suspect they will ask us for pronouns when we introduce ourselves on day one. (I’ve been to something with this organization before and have seen it)

What are some good responses I can give? Is saying ‘I prefer not to say’ best?

I don’t want to draw attention to it, be adversarial or open up discussion, I just don’t want to answer.

(For avoidance of doubt, I don’t buy in to gender ideology so that’s why I don’t want to answer. To me, stating my pronouns indicates I think it’s an ok question to ask in the first place )

Someone on here wrote something like - my pronouns are she/her when it comes to biology and equality law but he/him when it comes to payday.

I probably wouldn’t, but I’d be tempted to say she, his and them and then point out that I have a degree in linguistics so I will notice if someone gets it wrong! “She said that his name was GTF and I believe them”

'I prefer to keep that kind of information private, thanks'. Big smile.

‘Surprise me!”

I’d just tell them that gender is a social construct which I don’t agree with and give them a hard stare.

@RedDogsBeg The ones normally used when referring to a person of my sex

Thank you for this.. I really, really like it. It acknowledges normality in language and the centrality of sex but also leaves open the possibility that others might choose otherwise (just not me).

Said neutrally, I don't think it can cause offence.

I will use it - unless I want to stir - in which case 'female, like my oppression' still rocks.

“Pronouns, why?” quizzical look.

These are excellent!

Wouldn't it be third person singular though?

I'm not giving my pronouns. This signals a hostile environment.

I think it is quite regressive to make women stress the fact they are women when it it is irrelevant to my job. Its just like 1960s men feeling they have to know if we are married or not by using Miss or Mrs.

I'm not giving my pronouns and don't agree with forcing people to declare a gender identity.

Are you able to take a cat with you?

I would say
Why do you need to know? And let them explain why you need to tell them.

'You could also just say "second person singular, thanks!" with a breezy smile and leave them to admit they don't actually understand how pronouns work..'

LOVE this I would guess that most of the woke brigade couldn't even have told you what a pronoun was a year ago! It's such fucking nonsense, and I hope it's the latest trendy empty-headed thing that will fizzle out soon enough. Some great suggestions on here

I'm unlikely to be asked, fortunately, but I have at least two responses ready.

1. "Why do you need to know?" If it occurs to my interlocutor to admit that it's a proxy for "gender identity", I don't have one so the question is moot and I needn't answer.
2. "Do people have pronouns? I mean, languages have pronouns, but do individuals possess pronouns?" I could bore on about pronouns in languages with which I am more or less familiar.

I'd need to pick my eyeballs up first, there's only so much rolling they can take!

It

As in 'it likes biscuits with its tea'

"I don't have a preference" is easy to say and implies you understand the issue and have formed an opinion, unlike "I don't mind" or "I don't care" which sound like you don't realise some people take it very seriously. Definitely don't say "It doesn't matter" as it might be interpreted as you brushing off the whole issue, unless you want to get people's backs up.

Although I'm inspired by a PP to say *she and him" and see if anyone remembers to use "him".

And can we please put an end to the fallacy that third person pronouns are only used when the person isn't present? There are lots of instances where they are used when you're present, especially in group situations.

@MyOtherProfile

These are excellent!

Wouldn't it be third person singular though?

Was going to say exactly this - second person singular is “you”.

“I literally don’t care”

@BaronessBomburst

I once read a brilliant answer on here It was along the lines of '"I'm gender-free but please use the pronouns you feel most comfortable using for me. My sex is biologically female so if you want to use she and her, that's fine."

I think this is v smart.

I’m already on the naughty list for asking hard questions, so I’d have to tread carefully but what I’d want to say is: “would you ask me to disclose a disability or my sexuality in a public forum like this? Why are you asking people to disclose their protected trans status in this way? I’ll pass.”

"Obviously when you're talking to me you'll use my name. When you're talking about me, it's really not my business to police your language."

EMAIL
Subject: Political neutrality on x residential training course

Dear Organisation

I would like reassurance that the residential training course will be politically neutral and that the trainer will not order us to state our pronouns, being a tool of political lobby groups with “extreme political stances” and not a benign act. I have never misgendered anyone in my life, including trans people and pronouns don't naturally even come up in normal conversation between people. Forcing this creates a hostile environment for women.

Regards
X

What are your pre-emptive emails?

I'm sure FWRs can massively improve on this...

I've always managed to just get through these ghastly things by omitting the "and my pronouns are..." bit and getting on to the other bit of whatever the introduction ice breaker horror is. No one has ever dared press me and then people have generally followed suit and ignored the pronoun stuff.