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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

anyone else been ditched by friends for having Gender critical views?

213 replies

JetCityWoman · 28/10/2017 23:07

Long time user new account

just that really? I've been quite vocal of the importance of biology and a lot of my female friends have basically told me to fuck off. were talking 5+ year friendships all gone because I refuse to accept men can be women.

anyone else navigating this weird state of being?

OP posts:
lolaflores · 29/10/2017 18:03

albadross your comment reflects my position yet seems to be lost on some people though it seems like the obvious. Its a point I just cannot get my head round. Thinking oneself a woman does not make up for actual experience of growing up female, living your developmental years as female and all the fun that goes with that. I mean, would some one give me the male equivalent of having your first period? I have tried and cannot find anything that comes close.

motmot · 29/10/2017 19:47

I have an old friend on Facebook who is very pro trans and would freak out if she knew I was gender critical. She's a midwife. An actual midwife, supposed champion and advocate of women. It's depressing.

ArcheryAnnie · 29/10/2017 19:50

I got denounced on social media by a longtime friend over Stefonknee The Pervert (and I hadn't even called him Stefonknee The Pervert by then!). She set her TRA friends on me and I got a very tedious bunch of "TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN!!!!" and other TRA messages from total strangers. I was seriously pissed off and told her never to contact me again. It really quite upset me, and in a way still does. I don't even think she's a bad person, just a rather weak one, but the idea she could set the attack dogs on me and then pretend it wasn't a big deal wasn't something I could put up with.

Original poster
JetCityWoman · 29/10/2017 20:35

bathroom issue has been led by the religious right and no one wants to be part of that club.

this is just the tip of the iceberg though. I want to be able to choose and actual female dr because a male dr assaulted me.

I want to know that if I get arrested a female with search me.

I want to know that when I'm in hospital bleeding heavily from my god damn womb again there will be a female in the room who understands and will make sure I am not assaulted again.

I have all the rage over this atm. Rage at the enablers of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
JetCityWoman · 29/10/2017 20:36

ArcheryAnnie one of the women who ditched me set her husband and kids on me by spamming my FB wall with pro trans articles. All of them. Even the bullshit lady brain ones.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 29/10/2017 20:49

Oh I upset everybody. Sad Those idiots who think humans can change sex by changing what they wear and radfem friends by supporting the idea that there are likely to be innate differences bw male and female brains. Its a hard life, being a biologist.

Original poster
JetCityWoman · 29/10/2017 20:58

BarbarianMum I've started asking TRAs when research papers in human metamorphosis will be published. so far, tumbleweed.

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 29/10/2017 21:04

I have had Facebook arguments with 2 in particular. One of them has been totally normal and nice in person but the other has been cold and weird with me when I've seen her.
Frankly I couldn't give a fuck now. When I first started posting publicly I was very worried but now - meh. I've found lots of allies through public posting who have spoken to me directly so losing a couple of friends isn't the end of the world.

wrappedupinmyselflikeaspool · 29/10/2017 21:41

I’ve had some strange conversations but not as far as I know been dumped yet, apart from a Woman I barely knew who turned her back on me and wouldn’t speak to me again after I said I thought there were sometimes good reasons to have single sex spaces for women. This was at a leftist radical type social event.

Strange conversations with friends include several who have phds which I find very worrying. Examples are ‘ well this is how all the young people think, this is the way it’s going’ and ‘so what about women who have had hysterectomies or women who are menopausal are they not women then?” And ‘but haven’t you heard about x who talks about how sometimes he feels like a woman and sometimes like a man?”

I have managed to peak one woman who was already teetering though. So that’s one more for the team.

wrappedupinmyselflikeaspool · 29/10/2017 21:50

Want to add that my DH who is v GC has had to leave behind practically all of his previous left wing alliances on Facebook etc. and also in real life, because the trans thing is so prioritized and so much at the front of all the virtue signaling that takes place in those circles. He just can’t bear it. It’s so sad because his whole social circle is collapsing.

Too many people who consider themselves leftist progressives have ditched shared economic wealth as a priority for a series of virtue signaling ticks. A sort of surface of ‘look at me, aren’t I a good person” instead of actually having some integrity. I despair

hipsterfun · 29/10/2017 21:56

I’m not a scientist (beyond A Level and some undergrad stuff), Barbarian, but I’m inclined to agree. It seems unlikely that the different hardware wouldn’t be running at least slightly different software. I’m comfortable with that in theory, though naturally concerned about the potential abuse of science to support dubious ideologies.

BarbarianMum · 29/10/2017 22:03

Oh yes, and its a short (and erroneous imo) path from different to better/worse or rational/emotional or science/arts or Venus/Mars and all that nonsense which makes it really hard to discuss.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 29/10/2017 22:07

Just wondering... how old all you folk are who are having all these arguments with your family & friends?

Firenight · 29/10/2017 22:14

I’ve lost two online communities - one that was very important to me a over it. I saw the way they shredded and cast out someone for questioning and it was horrible. I am sad to say I didn’t join the argument because quite clearly minds were angry and closed, so i just walked. I’ve kept a few friendships from there but lost the network.

busyboysmum · 29/10/2017 22:15

I'm 47. Apparently it was a hot topic at the pub last night how mad I have gone with all my feminist stuff. My dh assures me once he'd explained everyone was onside.

ArcheryAnnie · 29/10/2017 22:15

I'm menopausal, Smiling. Which obviously means I am an old witch and a second waver (sadly I'm not, a bit too young) and with any luck I will die soon. Or so say some edgy lib fem types.

BarbarianMum · 29/10/2017 22:26
  1. Friends range from mid 30s to mid 50s.
DJBaggySmalls · 29/10/2017 23:22

One of my male GNC friends just wanted reassurance that I hadnt turned into a homophobe. Several right on male friends have privately messaged my to say they agree but wont say anything publicly, the cowards. I think I've got off lightly.
I'm late middle aged, the DC's are young adults, They've just missed the social contagion; they dont think men can become women. They dont think full bodied men should be put in womens prisons or hospital wards. I think it helps that one of them is gay, they supported him when he came out.

Ttbb · 29/10/2017 23:31

This is why most of my friends these days are proper right wingers. They may not agree with you on a particular issue but so long as your respect their right to their own opinion they will respect yours.

RosemaryHoight · 30/10/2017 00:04

My dd disagrees with me, but agree to disagree. My dh is on board. My dad was surprised, I think this is a thing, when you're known for being liberal/left wing/progressive, but when I explained my concerns tony dad he understood, he had just never considered it from a woman's point of view.

Exactly.

QOFE · 30/10/2017 06:23

I'm mid thirties as is my DP.

My DD is 14 and fairly sensible on the matter. She has friends who are non-binary and she is absolutely respectful of their pronouns etc (to the point of defending them when anyone takes the piss) but she agrees that men cannot actually become women and sees the value of sex segregation in certain situations.

I think being gender critical is actually pretty common but a) the majority of people don't know wtf is going on until someone tells them and b) a LOT of people don't dare to be open about it because no matter how carefully you choose your words the repercussions can be foul Sad

Cooroo · 30/10/2017 06:46

I’m 58. Yesterday my daughter said ‘mum you do sound a tiny bit transphobic’. She has good friends who are trans and I rather wish I did to help my understanding. I mentioned TRAs with weird views on lesbians and she just thought they were idiots and out of her experience. She thinks maybe I’ve been reading too much stuff online!

Ploppie4 · 30/10/2017 06:54

I’m a leftie. Always have been. the closer I look into this the unhappier I am with the laws changing.

SelmaAndJubjub · 30/10/2017 07:03

I am not out as GC on Facebook because I have so many close gay friends, and I know that it would be interpreted as anti-LBGT: ironic as one of my main concerns about the TRA movement is that it is homophobic. Social media is different from having a conversation with someone, where you can gauge their own views and correct any misunderstandings as you go along.

HornyTortoise · 30/10/2017 07:12

Just wondering... how old all you folk are who are having all these arguments with your family & friends?

  1. My friends are about my age. My brother is 20 and currently at uni and he is a 'TERF' absolutely. He reckons near everyone he speaks to feels the same but darent speak out as they don't want to be known as transphobic...this gives me hope that not as many young people as we think swallow this shit. Just...fear of being branded transphobic is ruling all at the minute. Transactivists did very well ith that one didn't they. Made it so only allies could speak up.