Pils telling ds off for crying etc 'like a girl'

[susannahmoodie]

Ds is 3.5. We went to pils' house at weekend and when he got a bit overexcited and was shrieking they told him off for shrieking 'like a girl' and then later when he cried about something they again said something about crying 'like a girl'

It really got to me actually. I don't see why the term girl should be used as an insult, I don't see why expressing emotion should be seen as a bad thing (although we are trying to curb the shrieking).

Pil are quite sexist generally- they have 3 ds and congratulated me on having 2 ds, seem to think that boys are 'better', v trad gender roles, disapprove of me working ft, etc etc.

I really want to say something to them but I'd sound like I wanker wouldn't I?

No you wouldn't.

I am not sure what to suggest TBH, but their attitude is completely unacceptable. What does your DH say when they do this?

I'd just have made some comment at the time about - girls being great and he was shrieking like an offer excited 3.5 yr old!
I had something similar with my dad when my mum let ds play with the dustpan and brush - ds was loving it 18 month old helping but dad made some comment about boys shouldn't play at cleaning. I just made a remark about well in our house 'boys do cleaning too'

I know what I think sounds more wankerish, tbh

I nearly left my ex H over this he said it twice to ds and the second time to told him with 100% seriousness that I would leave him if he said it again. I think he knew I meant it too.

Personally i would say "yes you do and you sound like and a boy too, or a cat, or how about roaring like a lion ds?" Just so ds doesn't realise how negative it is.

Then I would tell them to pack it in and that this was totally unacceptable to say that to him.

I wouldn't like this at all.

You can either mention it or jump on it every time and correct them I suppose.

Just remembered about that always advert....maybe I should email them a link

Only 3, 5 years old! I thought he was perhaps 17. How do you cry like a girl at that age? Anyway, boys cry like boys at all ages so no you're not the one who sounds like a wanker here.

If it happens again, I'd probably gather DS for a hug and say loudly, 'Granny and Grandpa are being silly, aren't they, everyone knows that boys AND girls have a cry sometime'.

But I'm a bit PA.

You wouldn't sound like a wanker at all, you'd sound like someone bringing up their boy to have equal respect for girls.

I'd say something, OP. It isn't on, and you are right to be concerned about it.

I don't allow anyone to use negative gendered language around my DDs, or discuss appearance in a negative way (talking about being fat and going on diets etc). I would ask them very directly why they are using your gender as an insult, and make it plain that further contact with their grand-child requires that they don't do it again.

Honestly yes they will think you are the one with the problem if you pull them up on this. Doesn't mean it doesn't need nipping in the bud. Make sure you are crystal clear that it is the phrase they are using rather than the discipline itself, as they could well roll their eyes and make it all about you thinking its fine for him to be screaming (deliberately misunderstanding to make them feel less in the wrong).

OMG! Are you me?

We have exactly the same issues! DH has 2 brothers and PIL are very set on how boys should behave etc. I feel your pain!

Forget about your PILs, they are a lost cause. You should focus on your DS and ensure he doesn't pick up the negative stereotype. My PILs say similar but milder things (along the lines of "that's a boy thing/that's a girl thing") and I just say "there are no such thing as boy things and girl things DS, the only things girls don't have is a willy." MIL has cottoned on and is saying it a lot less, FIL just sulks but he's an idiot anyway so it doesn't really matter.

In your case I'd say "Isn't granny silly, why would she say you're shrieking/crying like a girl? You're a boy, and boys cry and shriek don't they? Silly granny!"

i would be interested to know why your MIL thinks so little of her own sex she uses being like a girl as an insult.

On another note re callindana's comment that the only thing girls don't have is a willy….not having a willy (a comment we all frequently hear about boy/girl differences) also lends itself to boys having something girls don't have, an implication that girls are lacking. Yet we don't hear the comments about boys not having a uterus (probably because it's hidden). But I would like to do away with this 'penis envy' schtick. How about a bit of uterus envy for a change?

My Dad does this. I remember him saying it to DB growing up, and he said it to DS2 when he visited the other week. I stayed quiet, but I won't next time.

I have a DD, but even if I didn't the inference that girls are inferior pisses me off.