How should we challenge sexism and misogyny on Internet forums?

[Vivacia]

I'm talking general interest forums, I don't go looking to take offence.

I have calmly challenged sexist comments only to unleash a backlash of being told I am ugly, stupid, jealous and humourless (but in more aggressive language than that. People say they pity my husband, if I am lucky enough to have one. They say I must be sexually repressed or sexually defective (again, with cruder language).

So what should I do differently?

Researching this, I have come across advice to:

• You're not going to get anywhere with the people attacking you, so address your comments to those lurking and reading - that's where you'll make a difference.

I think that's probably pretty good advice. I think it's what we all tend to do here when the hairy handed attack, to counter their endless boring rubbishy claims about women, feminism et al. It does become incredibly tedious after a while though.

Yes, and it's difficult and tiring to counter their arguments with facts when their "argument" is personal and along the lines of,

"Shit, lighten up, we're just paying her a compliment, she's a Sexy A$$".

"No, it's not a compliment, it's an inappropriate comment to make and you don't know how your colleague or others listening really feel about it".

"It's natural for men to tell a woman she's sexy if she is. You're just pissed because nobody finds you sexy".

"A woman's sexuality is not something bestowed on her by men".

Cross-post with you Buffy.

Thanks for replying, I felt really personally attacked by the last encounter and as a lone voice was starting to feel as though I was the crazy one.

no, you're not crazy - thanks for trying to reason with these loons
change your online persona to male?

I was thinking a similar thought to that Julia.

If it's a general interest thing and I want to talk about a hobby or whatever without being told I'm an ugly bitch etc etc then I think I'd just post as a bloke. Or neutral I suppose.

Having said that I only really post on MN

I know that's a rubbish answer to all of this but if you want to talk about whatever without being "at war" then I don't see any other option.

Clearly though then the arsehole blokes "win" but then they always do don't they and always have.

juliascurr
"change your online persona to male?"

In most cases that won't work, you just get a different insult.

Well she probably won't get called and ugly bitch and threatened with rape so that might well be good enough for the OP

Sorry she hasn't expanded on their comments in detail! I think we can all guess what they are having heard this stuff IRL often enough and read it and so on.

Yeah, you're spot on Seven. It's as much a case of them getting even more misogynistic in their comments directed at me personally, rather than responding to my points about sexism.

I'm not going to post as a man yet. I don't want the Internet to be somewhere women have to hide their sex.

Thing is if you are calling people out on sexism you are going to get away with pretending to be a man / or at least a normal one. Firstly as most blokes don't do that even the nice ones and second the way you do it would not be how a man would do it and I don't know how you'd learn that there are so few examples to copy!

i agree about it being sad to leave the net as place for men but OTOH if a woman is tired of getting abuse when she just wants to talk about general stuff then I wouldn't blame her.

NOT going to get away with

yes, it doesn't solve the prob to pretend to be male; but interesting to see different response

I used to post on a political forum, with a neutral name, everyone assumed I was male. The insults I got, when I got them, were from a place of anger sat what I was saying. Not very nice.

But when i was 'outed' as a woman, wow! the visciousness and the personalisation of the insults were really unsettling. This was when I would admit to being 'an equalist', when under pressure, so not a feminit looking to take offence It certainly turned me towards feminism. Just the difference in tone was shocking, to me.

Seven I have to disagree on that. I read a few forums and seen lots of posts from men shouting down sexist comments. To be fair though that has only been in the last year or so that ive noticed it

How about requoting them then just adding

Thanks for showing me who you really are. Then ignoring any further put downs and just carry on posting what you want to post.

In other words, hold up a mirror then disengage.

I'm going to save this for reading later
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/sep/04/10-comment-comments-feminist-blogposts-responses-sexism-