You say foofoo...I say vagina...

[UnknownGnome]

This may have been done before but it's something I find interesting. It's kind of a thread about a thread, but, more specifically, about a particular way of thinking.

I'm talking about the need to have a cutesy, acceptable word for female genitalia. I've seen the question asked here on MN many times by different people, so it's clear that how we refer to female genitals is a real concern for people these days.

Vagina, vulva and labia seem to cause so much offence that they need to be replaced with minnie, flower, tuppence. Why is it, though? Why is referring to the vagina seen as so shocking to some? Is it a feminist issue? Are we still bringing girls up to feel ashamed of their genitals?

Boys get, in the main, willy or winky. Even penis seems to be accepted in a way that vagina isn't. There is never a thread entitled 'what do you call your son's privates?' because there's no need for it.

I don't intend to point the finger at the person who wrote the thread. The problem isn't with asking the question. The problem is that the question needs to be asked in the first place. What do you think?

I live in Spain. We'll be calling DS's penis 'peepee' like everyone else, ditto for little girls. It seems to be a British/American (maybe?) problem.
I hate the cutesy nicknames, too. But I also think 'willy' is too cutesy for boys, just call it your penis.
I think it might be the clinical sound of vulva, labia, vagina that put people off. My DDad once told me, in a park, 'stop touching your fanny', I can't imagine him saying, 'don't touch your vulva' !
Perhaps it's a generational thing? My parents gave us cutesy names, as did their parents, and granparents' parents etc.

Or perhaps it's a way of keeping childhood innocent? To some people, anyway.

I'm not making any sense, am I? I think my short answer should read, 'I don't know!'

I just call it a vagina. I'm aware that it includes vulva and labia and the older DC know each part but for the younger ones its a vagina.

When I was young it was called a fanny.

One of the things that bugs me about these kind of threads is that someone always says "we don't give other body parts cutesy nicknames, why should we do it for girls genitalia?"
We do give other body parts nicknames though, both for kids and in general - tummy, belly, bottom, bum, boobies, tootsies (and for that matter collarbone and shoulderblade rather than clavicle and scapula...) - do the little girls who say vagina or vulva also say they have abdominal pain or do they have tummy ache? And if they have tummy ache why is it more acceptable to use a nickname for the abdomen than for the genitalia?
The reasoning that adults outside the family will know what they mean if they use anatomically correct terms is fair enough if you actuall use the anatomically correct terms - uncle billy put his finger in my vagina may mean that uncle billy put sudocrem on her vulva when changing her nappy in the case of a child who calls the whole area a vagina whereas the fully anatomically correct version is far more significant.

I agree, these threads are just there to ridicule others. I say arsehole, or bum hole even to another adult.. sure if I am speaking about piles to a doctor I may say anus. I'd never say my gludious maximus is sore from my bike, I'd say my bum is sore. yy to belly ache, etc.

I suppose it's not the words in themselves that are used that bother me. I use 'bits' myself with my dd most of the time. I think it's mainly the negative reactions to the proper terms that bothers me. I couldn't use the words 'vagina' and 'vulva' without cringing until relatively recently so I've deliberately tried to introduce the words to my dcs while they're still young in the hope that they become normal to them.

my children will learn the proper names for things as they get old enough to pronounce them, but as a family we'll probably still use fanjo and willy.

When I was little it was a Mary. Now it's a foof. My cousin calls it a toot. I too hate the word tummy, cannot bring myself to use it. It's always been a stomach or belly.

I haven't labelled it as 'vulva/vagina', not because the word is shocking or offensive, but because it is not used informally in common parlance.

We've gone for 'fanny' as its universally understood yet informal.

you also can't ignore the fact that vagina and penis are sexual organs and that for parents it does sometimes feel too grown up a word to use about a child. even if it's not a rational feeling.

actually this is a feminist issue. my predictive text just made me save the word vagina. it wasn't saved there already! penis was but it still defaulted to Orbison?

My dd has a 'jyna' basically vagina without the 'va'

ds has a penis/willy/tinky.

Right, in no way did i intend to ridicule anyone. I genuinely find it interesting that some people find the words vagina and vulva etc difficult or embarrassing to say, more so than penis or anus.

I guess it's not a topic as worthy of discussion as I'd thought.

Isn't the current thread already discussing the issue? not sure why you've started another!

I don't think many people do find vagina or vulva difficult or embarrassing to say though.

It's about the formality of the words.

I think it is because you were talking about usage with children. I think it is a feminist issue that adults feel the word is hard to say. or that adverts don't use proper words etc. I think it's about the context. I'd not be slightly embarrassed to say vagina about a medical issue. to anyone. I'd more likely say fanny in a jokey way though.

I think that vagina and penis are quite medical. That's why people use willy and a random choice of word like foofoo.

It's just the same as people using poo or turd instead of faeces or stools. And wee instead of urine. Most of us are not doctors and use more conversational words.

I didn't think the thread in aibu was the appropriate place to discuss it. The op simply wanted to know the names that other people use. It raised another issue which I thought was worthy of discussion.

I suppose I wondered whether the problem with adults using the words stems from the cutesy names we're given as children.

sally. As someone who does argue exactly that, that's actually not quite how it is from my point of view. We don't give other parts of our bodies cutsie fluffy names out of some need to avoid using the medical terms. We don't all have unique or family names for them. We don't decide as parents what we are going to bring our children up to call them. We don't avoid, consciously decide to avoid the names. That approach is unique to the genitals and therefore sets them apart from other parts of the body. There is a difference in attitude and I don't think anyone can pretend otherwise.

tum, tummy, belly etc may not be the medical word, but they are the words that are just commonly used, they come as standard. They are interchangeable. The same person may swap between them or just stick to one. Everyone knows what they mean. Importantly, you don't sit down with your partner and say "ok, what are we going to teach our children to call their abdomen? A booboo or a huggiewoo? In my family, it was always the Pit, shall we do that?"

We don't see threads asking what do you call your child's scapula, we call it a foofoo but my next door neighbour calls it a minnie. What do you call yours?

There is also no feeling that the words must be used in place of the medical terms because the medical terms are somehow wrong or too direct, or a bit dirty or too adult or something.

There is no embarrassment about the words. No feeling that they really can't be mentioned in polite company. no other body part has people sit down and debate and decide how or indeed if it should ever be referred to.

So it is different. Whether it's right or wrong, well, we'll all argue about that until the cows come home and I don't think anyone has or will ever change anyone else's mind on it but it is different.

It comes with an embarrassment that no other body part comes with. And I think there's no need for that. They are just the reproductive parts.

And the parts you wee through.

Which I have always felt to be a small design flaw. but never mind.

The only reason there's so much debate and argument about it is because of our attitude towards sex and reproduction. If we were matter of fact about that, we'd be matter of fact about genitals. But we've all got so many hang ups about it all that it really does affect how we feel about our genitals.

But I don't think that there is a problem with adults saying the words- do you have any examples?

holy CRAP I waffle on!

Don't bother wading through that if you don't want to. It's not that great anyway.

Your argument is full of assumptions.

You are assuming that adults don't want to say the words, and assuming that their unwillingness to use the medical terms causes them to use a different word, and assuming that this must be due to embarrassment.

I can't see any evidence for any of that.

The thread abo the naming of female parts comes up pretty regularly.

What is missing from the lexicon is a parallel term for girls that is equivalent to "willie" (general use, not anatomical/Latinate).

Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any real contenders emerging from ordinary use. So I suppose I lament the double standards about talking about male/female body parts that have led to the absence of an adequate female terminology, but still hope that there will one day be unexceptional terms that are genuinely on a par with willie/penis - balls/testicles.

The problem for me is that there is an alternative word for "penis", it's "willy". Which sounds fine IMO and is pretty much universally recognised.

There's no universal equivalent for vulva / vagina. And also I've noticed adults even get confused, telling their DDs to call their vulva their vagina!

Is 'fanny' not universally recognised?

Tethers: ok it's an example from the US, but here's one