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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Should I force DD to be fashionable?

55 replies

fuzzpig · 26/03/2013 18:34

Recently had a comment from another mum at a birthday party (thankfully NOT in earshot of DD) saying that she was wearing a ridiculous outfit because it didn't 'go'.

Perfectly pedestrian clothes BTW, just clashing bright/pastel colours and a long sleeved top under a dress. That's the sort of thing she likes to wear. She doesn't choose what clothes I buy - I get pretty normal supermarket children's clothes - but she chooses what to wear each day.

Apparently I should be inisting that she wears coordinating clothes all the time so she doesn't look silly.

She is FIVE, by the way. She shouldn't have to worry about this, right?! Or am I being naive and setting her up for a lifetime of social problems by not choosing her clothes? Confused

OP posts:
scarlettsmummy2 · 26/03/2013 18:39

I don't think you need to make her be fashionable, but I am not sure I would trust my four year old to wear whatever she wants all the time!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/03/2013 18:40

Oh dear God, of course she shouldn't have to worry about this yet.

There is a little girl who goes to a music group I take DS2 to. These children are between 18 and 30 months old. This girl always has a bow in her hair, and a really fashionable outfit to co-ordinate with her Mum. Proper grown up clothes, muted colours and no stretch or elastic to be seen. It is such a shame :(

Smudging · 26/03/2013 18:41

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StickEmUp · 26/03/2013 18:41

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Freddiemisagreatshag · 26/03/2013 18:42

The woman is a loon.

Turquoiseblue · 26/03/2013 18:43

hmm have a similar here too. I dont think you should be dictating to them what to wear always, and fwiw I would let dd off to a party wearing her choice of emsemble (within reason - I did draw the line at her togs and swim fins to go visiting her nana last week - but that was more because of the cold outside and in her nans house !
If it s clean fits and seasonally (ie weather and cold ) appropraite then I wouldnt do too much about it really.

stargirl1701 · 26/03/2013 18:43

A mum at a group I go to commented how 'differently' I dress DD. She followed that up with how she wants her DD to look fashionable now she's getting older. They are 6 months old!

I tried not to snort Grin

brettgirl2 · 26/03/2013 18:47

I have a clashing 4 year old. Tbh I let her choose her own clothes from the supermarket, it kills an hour.

Life's easier, one less thing to argue about imo and she looks cute.

I think in a similar situation I might have laughed and appeared like I thought she was joking. Are you sure she wasnt?

turkeyboots · 26/03/2013 18:47

DD was like your at 5. A year of school and "fashion" is now an issue. Clothes have to be from same shops as friends, and she copies what the girls in Years 3 and 4 wear.

So avoid all this while you still can!

Whyriskit · 26/03/2013 18:52

An aquaintance of mine has a 4 year old DD who is a typical 4 year old. The mum is very stylish and the little girl is always dressed in designer gear and looks dreadfully restricted.
FWIW I generally let DS1 choose what he wears. DS2, being 2, is a little more contrary, and needs some guidance to avoid wearing wellies in summer etc.
Your DD is developing her own sense of self, and that is fine.

colditz · 26/03/2013 18:53


I love you

sjupes · 26/03/2013 19:03

My dd is 8 and dresses magnificently - things match but not the way they are meant to i.e on someone elses child the clothes would hang wrong or be weird looking but dd just has that look Confused to last years christmas party she wore leapoard print wellys, red tights, a grey stripey jumper dress, beige furry gilet with a hairband with a massive butterfly on it - it sounds awful but god she looked incredible and also happy :)

She turned to me last week and said ''mum, the other girls in class like one direction but i don't want to, i like my own stuff i don't need to be just like them eh?'' My wee heart burst with pride!!

Don't conform as long as your dd is happy :)

kim147 · 26/03/2013 19:06

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madamginger · 26/03/2013 19:18

I buy all 6 year old dds clothes, but its up to her to pick what she wants to wear. Today she wore a party dress with a pair of jeans under and pink boots.
We went to an easter egg hunt in the park and she was the best dressed one there Wink

defineme · 26/03/2013 19:18

I think obviously your dd is fine to wear what she likes.

On the other hand I never chose what I wore as a child, had very few clothes and Mum just put out what was weather appropriate and I didn't give a stuff.

I think children choosing what to wear is a relatively new thing and reflects that they just have lots of clothes because clothes are cheaper and more readily available than they used to be. It doesn't particularly suggest free spirit to me.

However, I'm not interested in fashion, but I really hate clashing colours-sets my teeth on edge.I do talk about colour a lot with the kids when we're painting and drawing. If dd or ds asks me 'does this go' about stuff they're wearing I'm truthful and it's up to them if they change it..I insist on a change if they are wearing something inappropriate for the activity or the weather.

fuzzpig · 26/03/2013 19:32

Thanks for all the replies :)

Smudging :o

I do have some limits BTW, eg appropriate for weather and not her best dress for running in mud. Her clothes don't have holes in, her hair is neat (well as neat as I can get it, it's flyaway!) and that's good enough for me.

I expect I will let her choose what I buy soon, it's really more due to time/practicality that I just choose stuff as and when.

Sjupes, that is fab :)

Good point about having more choice nowadays. I had hardly anything - DD certainly isn't drowning in clothes (their room is tiny so very little storage!) but does have more than me.

OP posts:
UptoapointLordCopper · 26/03/2013 20:17

I thought it was going to be about a teenage child! FIVE, ffs. Shock Wear what you can play in!

DSs' trousers all have holes and patches and holes in patches. That's fashion. Grin I told them some people buy jeans with holes in and they look Shock and Hmm.

Iggly · 26/03/2013 20:25

My dd is 15 months and there is a pressure to dress her fashionably in some circles Hmm

I dress her in bright sometimes garish colours (hot pink cords with rainbow top anyone!) whereas a lot of girls her age are all in greys/creams etc.

fuzzpig · 26/03/2013 20:27

Indeed! Apart from a couple of nice dresses/skirts, her clothes are basically leggings and t-shirts! Practical and comfy for all the running, climbing, scooting etc she certainly doesn't get her energy from me

I did wonder idly if she would say that about a boy in similarly 'odd' clothes, but there weren't any boys there.

In general though, looking in clothes shops, it does seem that only boys are supposed to dress practically Hmm

OP posts:
specialsubject · 26/03/2013 21:22

tell the other woman that you are bringing up your daughter to think that fashion is for fools.

and let her make the most of the time in life when you can wear pinafores, bunches, loud colours and still look good!

doyouwantfrieswiththat · 26/03/2013 21:34

fashionable? Have you seen the style hunter section of Grazia lately? The look de jour is somewhere between bag lady & strongly medicated.

ds2 likes to choose his own clothes and he likes them bright which makes him easier to spot, ds1 is just starting to show a need to stay under the radar. Occasionally people comment on ds2's clothes, especially the fairy dresses, he's 5 and is just starting to care.

But tbf we're talking more of fitting into a group here aren't we and for that purpose it's less about 'fashion' it's more about conforming.

doyouwantfrieswiththat · 26/03/2013 21:38

Incidentally I saw a young (9ish?) boy wearing a t-shirt saying ' my girlfriend is a super model' which I thought was deeply naff, my judgement was also influenced by the fact that he didn't want ds2 on his 'team' and kicked up a fuss.


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VerySmallSqueak · 26/03/2013 21:45

I'm loving encouraging a sense of their own style in my DD's.

If they want to be fashionable that'll be of their doing - not mine.

But it won't be through flicking through masses of glossy magazines at home or by watching loads of celeb crap.

hwjm1945 · 26/03/2013 21:49

Woman sounds lime an idiot.let them make their own
Decisions.within reason and in accordance with weatheretc

SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2013 21:50

At any age kids should wear what they want as long as it's appropriate for the weather and whatever they are doing. Once they get to school age then maybe the occasional bit of guidance for eg wedding, funeral, great auntie's 80th birthday or whatever, but other than that FFS it's unimportant.

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