wonders if we ve really come that far....

[extrastrongnosugar]

it seems to me from the boards and my own sorry state of a marriage that men still deep inside that "their" females, i e mother and wife, are not real people that one has to respect. or treat with common curtesy in language.

i see it in my husband. since i cant leave anymore ( kids) he has taken to speak to me in commands only!
language for the maid: shut up! (then quickly catches himself and sais: could you please be quiet?
language for me: shut up!

language for the nanny: can you check hertemperature please?
language for me: check her temperature!

i think language is really important, it kind of sais itall, no?

who elsehas experienced this, and could you change it( such a big thing to change!) , or did u just have to go?

You "can't leave any more"?

Yes you can. You always can.

(not enough info here to know if you should, but you definitely can)

I think in general we drop some of the niceties for those we are close to (partners, children). Guess it's just laziness.

Your DH seems to have gone beyond that though - "Shut up!" I'd be telling him where to get off.

isnt that sad if we treat the people closest to us the worst? i thinks it show who you really are, and it seems you really are a jerk that thinks im you slave to boss around if you manage to treat everyone with courtesy but me and your mom.

i think its normal to be a bit more short, but still i would always use " could you" and " would you" ? i mean please and thank you maybe go away, but the deepinternalisation that its not for me to tell you what to do?

trills, of course we all can leave, but i have the feeling that if there werent two little bubs attached to me, hed still be wining and dining me instead ....

Sounds like your DH has no respect for you. Pull him up on his appalling manners. And of course you can leave.

You won't be able to change your DH, you can only change your reaction to him.

Have you asked him why he speaks to you like that, OP?

He sounds very rude in general. Who tells anyone to shut up?

It seems to be a real lack of respect if he is able to address others with some degree of manners but talks to you in such a dismissive way. Have you spoken to him about it? Asked him why he thinks its acceptable to talk to you in that way? And you can leave, it can seem impossible with children but there are options.