Theory v practice of feminism

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

I have always thought of myself as a feminist, not a well read or active femanist, though I do intend to read up a bit more, but...

I wear heels to work and dress in quite a female way
I do not always challenge things that are said (WHen I asked my project manager what he wanted me to NOT do because of an extra task, he said "your a girl, you can multitask", lots of "traditional" ex prison-officer types around and the accompanying views)

To be fair in my relationship with DH we are really a partnership and that is what we show to the children, he does all the ironing, most of the hoovering and cooking during the week, and most of the drop off/pick up of children. I also earn more than him (no idea if relevent)

I guess what I am asking is do you compromise on what may be your ideals as a feminist? Or am I just a shit pretend feminist

i reckon everybody has their own bit of feminism that makes most sense to them and not everybody keeps their eye on the ball in all areas of their life all the time.

i am not into feminine beauty 'ideals' and i am fresh faced, and flat shoed... and at work i am mainly surrounded by similar women and little obvious sexism. But i am also a massive tomboy and hang out with men all the time due to the sports i'm into and i'm rubbish at being 'sisterly' and in women-only spaces and have fewer women friends than male...

i think most of us fall short of our ideals somewhere..

Interesting. I guess in the most important (to me) part of my life to live up to feminist ideals, which is my relationship, I am doing OK

we are none of acting in a vacuum - we are in patriarchy, and there are compromises that a woman may have to make to keep body and soul together in a system that hates and would destroy her

this is a huge grey area, which sees some women conforming to heteronormative beauty ideals so as not to stick out/attract random abuse, others to be silent when rape myths are spouted, right over to the other end of the continuum where some women act as handmaidens to the patriarchy

there are definite repercussions to the practice of feminism, and maybe each woman can only do what she feels able to/safe enough to

i am reluctant to critique individual women and their choices, but quite happy to critique practices iyswim

Compromise - that is exactly the word I should have put in the title I was looking for

I remember a really interesting thread a while back about cognative dissonance. A term which I hadn't come across until then and which basically is about how you reconcile your beliefs with your daily life. (Link to the wikidefinition here). I can't remember the thread title for the life of me, but will have a wee search and see if I can find it.

To answer your question: I compromise all the bloody time and get angry/frustrated about it. In fact I am MNetting at the minute after (yet another) argument with my DP about "my feminist radicalism" ruining something.

And thus I am 100% with Chibi. My life could be criticised to death from a feminist point of view (with somethings found laudable and others highly worthy of censure). I thus would try not to criticise someone else's life; but would be ready to talk with them about it and listen to their complaints and/or offer advice.

I'm not sure that this is actually the one I was thinking of, but it is interesting reading (if you skip the derailment attempts by the resident wouldbe trolls):

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1041644-Let-s-talk-about-cognitive-dissonance?pg=3

Chibi,you are so right! I am trying to be a 'stealth Feminist' to bring down the system from within and I need the information I lack from the Feminist I ntelijentsia like you to help me. Strength in Sisterhood!