(Lowering the tone) Erotic read adivice please.

[bumbums]

Hi, After a major dry spell in the bedroom department I'd like a book to stir the fires! Nothing modern or smutty. I've never read Lady Chatterly's Lover, would that be somewhere to start? Any suggestions welcome.

50 Shades of Grey. Not the best storyline bug plenty of "kinky fuckery".

Sorry, I only do contemporary filth. Historical settings make me cringe.

Hmmmm any other suggestions???

Please?

Fanny Hill - it's originally historic, as it was written in 1748. It's actually got a good plot too. I think Lady Chatterley is turgid beyond belief and all that John Thomas stuff is deeply unerotic as far as I'm concerned.

Lady Chatterly... hmm. I read it because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about (being banned etc) and alternated between disgust and laughter!

I'm tempted to read a biography on D H Lawrence - judging by his writing, his views on women appear to be fucked up beyond belief.

Fanny Hill sounds promising mimble. Will check it out.

Hmmm just read the first page of Fanny Hill. Seemed rather wordy and maybe hard work?

Fanny Hill is great, stick with it. Lots and lots of fruity sex, worked a treat for us :o

You can still get 85%+ of Fifty Shades for NOTHING on the internet, as Master of the Universe... Google for it, with snowqueens icedragon (author's pseudonym). It's been taken down from the big fanfic sites, but you should find it on the 3rd google page or so. Everything is the same except the soi disant 50 Shades has Christian and Ana instead of Edward and Bella. Meier is crazy not to sue. Someone ran it through turnitin, the plagiarism spotter, and 50 Shades IS Master of the Universe. (Ever get the feeling you've been ripped off?) I suppose you could do some kind of word substitution - Control H - Bella is now Ana, Isabella is now Anastasia. Fastest way ever to earn 10 million.

That said, Master is NOT that well-written... Clunkity clunk. If you liked those scenes in Twilight where every detail of Bella's cooking was expounded, you will adore MU or 50 Shades.

You might like Forever Amber - it's not erotica, but it's a great read, and historical, and people have sex in it lots and it's nice and long so it lasts a while

Hee hee hee, oh yes I second Forever Amber - a readable Fanny Hill and a really fun romp. Must see if it's on Kindle...