Lost my way with my diet.

[Ella31]

Feeling a bit low today. Background. My twin babies died in the NICU nearly 3 years ago. I had an emergancy cat 1 csection. One baby died and the second died in the NICU 3 days later. It's been extremely painful. 15 months later another csection - my third baby was born and a year later my fourth. So in 2.5 years a lot happened. With all that grief and joy, weight piled on. 240 - after my last baby in April. I dropped to 230 in June. Since June I've dropped to 195 as of 2 weeks ago. We had a chaotic 2 weeks just gone and bad food choices on my part. I've gone up to 199 again and I've a bridesmaid fitting on the weekend and I just feel so awful. The other ladies are very fit and I'm just dreading it. I've gone back to the gym this weekend and eating clean but feel quite low. Thanks for reading

How awful for you. I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious babies 😢
Have you had any bereavement counselling? Not surprising you were emotionally eating after what you’ve been through.
Be kind to yourself. A wedding is a joyful occasion, enjoy yourself, don’t beat yourself up. Do what you know works and that feels good and healthy.

Sorry OP I completely missed you had your 3rd and 4th babies! Your body has been through such a lot but now might be time you can focus on yourself for a bit.

So sorry to hear of the loss of your twins. You have been on a rollercoaster of emotions.
4lb weight gain after what you describe as 2 chaotic weeks is nothing to worry about. It’ll come off. Please acknowledge your success in getting to 195lb! An incredible achievement.

I'm so sorry for your losses. Be kind to yourself, the important thing is that you have endured this horrendous time, it doesn't matter how you did it - if food was a comfort, it was a necessary thing, not something to feel guilty for.

It's great that you've been able to start going to the gym and eating cleanly again. Try to enjoy the fitting, I'm sure you will look lovely. A professional fitter will make sure the dress falls in a flattering way and fits you well, it's in their interest to have you looking your very best and give you a good experience while the dress is made. If your weight goes down before the wedding, now you're back on track with your eating and exercise, you can easily get the dress taken in - you have nothing to worry about.

Thanks so much. I am in bereavement counselling, it's been a journey. We were supposed to be on hols the last 2 weeks as well but our dog became very ill, had to cancel, so its been just stress and bad food choices

You are so kind, thank you

Thanks so much. I think I got used to it going down so much, the gain made me feel like such a failure

It really has been a lot tbh. I feel I've lost a lot of myself to whats happened. Thanks so much for the replies