Please help, constantly failing.

[motherblubber]

I'm losing the same 10lbs over and over. I start a diet/healthy eating/bloody fad weight loss crap/calorie counting and it's great for two weeks or so, and then I'm right back to binging, takeaways and sugary 'treats.'

I know how it works, less in, move more etc. But I CANNOT STICK TO IT. It's always because I can't control myself at a family gathering or event, so I'll treat it as a 'cheat' and spiral from there.

I need to lose at least three stone (I've never been big before, but would starve myself in my youth to drop a few pounds) my physical and mental health is now suffering, I'm desperate. Any advice is welcome, but has anyone who struggles with not-eating-all-the-shit found a plan or the motivation to stick to it?

(Recently tried and failed at keto, also have limited funds and a young toddler, live very rural, nearest gym is a 40min drive)

Yes! Go look at Team RH Fitness on Facebook. Omg, life changing! I don’t want to say much more because I couldn’t say it as well as they do, but I’ve got about 10st to lose and for the first time in my life believe I can. Probably whilst eating chocolate every day.

(Added bonus points for it being cheap as chips to join.)

(I should add I’ve lost 2st already, I’m not just imagining that I could lose weight with Team RH.)

@womanhuman have you found it easy to stick to? I tried Joe Wicks (cheekily had a friend email me their plan) to see if that could help, but I barely could do the workouts and unfortunately, the second I feel disheartened, I think 'what's the point' and go pig out.

I have found it ludicrously easy to stick to.

The only required exercise is walking and they have seated alternatives if you can’t manage that. Of course there’s options to do more if you want.

I have tried everything (sw, ww, meal replacements, cal counting, sticking fingers in ears pretending I didn’t know I was fat, fat camp (seriously) and I could stick at nothing. I really feel like I could do this forever, because it’s not hard, or weird, or anything. It’s just eating normal food.

I’m just really cross I didn’t know about it years ago.

Do you drink alcohol? I think even small amounts drive cravings for days, so maybe stopping completely can reduce the cravings.
Alan Carr Easy way to control food? I’ve used the cigarette and alcohol ones and they were great! It’s the cravings that are key. Exercise is good for you generally, but is not a significant factor in weight loss.

Another recommendation for Team RH here - it is life-changing! I've lost 3 stone in just under a year so it's not fast but it is sustainable, simple to do (once you get your head round it) and you just eat normal food in reasonable quantities and you can have a treat each day which is great

No alcohol, I don't really like to drink, as my DH does, and with a toddler around I think one of us should always be completely sober. My main issues are chocolate, (I'll eat a share bag of buttons a night) pizza, pasta, fatty takeaways. But overall it's portion control. DH can eat anything and everything and remain pretty lean, but eating the same as him has put me here. (Plus an indulgent pregnancy, and not doing much since having DD) I just worry I'll spend the money (even Team RH is pricey for us if I don't commit) and fail again.

Does Team RH give you enough info to have a decent meal plan? I found Joe wicks too strict with the specific carb-meal times and everything sweet had protein powder in (not a fan) keto made me feel gross and breakout even trying to stick with more whole food than the butter and bacon. My mum swears by slimming world, but she loses all the weight, then puts it back on over a few months and starts again, there doesn't seem to be that consistency I'm looking for.

My mum swears by slimming world, but she loses all the weight, then puts it back on over a few months and starts again, there doesn't seem to be that consistency I'm looking for.

The only consistency is a diet you can follow for life. Been there and bought the T-shirt with diets and sick of the lose then gain yo-yo. I am now just doing three meals a day, trying not to snack and making sure most meals contain about 50% veg. If I eat more one day I am telling myself it doesn't matter to avoid throwing in the towel which happens with most 'diet plans'.

The weight lose is slow but it's going the right way which is all that matters. I am hoping by not following any diet plan it will mean there will be no stopping it and going back to old habits.

I know it sounds extreme but if it's being able to buy treats for yourself that's the problem, ask your OH to support you by withdrawing all finances from you. Have him take your purse/bank cards/change jar/any access to money that you have and keep it from you, for a month or 2 at least. He can pay for fuel and a (healthy!) weekly shop, and anything else you need. Agree to stop buying takeaways at all for the foreseeable too. Work out the money you're saving each week on not buying naughty treats and have your OH move it into a separate savings account that can be for something really special you want long term - a holiday maybe or a new car, or whatever motivates you most.

How old are your children?

Yes, Team RH gives you all the information you need in a simple, easy to understand way assuming you won't get offended by swearing.

They give you your daily calorie allowance based on your weight and you can join a FB group for your calorie club do you get lots of support/tips on what to eat/hacks etc.

It is £15 to join with a £5 monthly fee after that - cheaper than Slimming World .

I struggled with diets many years ago because I could never stick to them for more than a couple of weeks. Eventually just decided to not cut anything out at all, just have small portions of everything. Also, never ever completely finish a meal, always leave a couple of mouthfuls on the plate. This is a slower method but you never feel you are cheating because everything is allowed. Over about a year and a half I lost 3 1/2 stone which I have never put back on after 20 years. I also found that over that time my eating habits changed and lots of sweet food became a thing of the past. Best thing about it is its FREE.

1 child, 18months. Unfortunately, my DH buys the treats, not me. He'll pop to the shop on the way home from work, (I'm currently a SAHM) I've asked him to stop, but there's still always sweet things in the house for him (which I find myself gravitating towards during weak moments)

I'm in this cycle of always 'about to start' and I think that's why I binge so much in a sort of last meal type mentality. Promising I'll be good/healthy/on track tomorrow.

I would love to know the answer.

I would probably go for a once a week takeaway treat, and replace the sugary treats with fruit, and use more warming spices in cooking to stimulate senses and reduce sugar cravings.

I know exactly what you mean about the last binge before another diet, which is ridiculous as on the one hand I'm telling myself it's ok as tomorrow I'll get on track whilst really knowing I won't.

I've also got about three stone to lose, I've managed it after each of my children turned one but currently my third is 20 months and I've not made any headway this time around.

No advice just sympathising, I feel like it's a mental block I just need to get over, I know once I see the scales going in the right direction it will spur me on but I've got to make a start!

assuming you won't get offended by swearing

I was assuming if op was okay on mn, she’d be okay with RH 😀

Oh dear, that is hard! I'm in a similar situation except it's my mum who buys the treats - for me! I wish she wouldn't, have asked her not to, she admits I'm several stone overweight but still she'll buy packets and packets of cake and biscuits and fill the treat cupboard despite having no interest in the things herself. I have no self control so I eat them and hate myself. If they weren't in the house it would be so much easier.

Could you ask your OH to just eat the sweet stuff when he's out and about/at work etc? Maybe he could just keep some sweet stuff in his car for when he's really craving it, maybe locked in his glove compartment or whatever, or at least somewhere secret in the house. Having it in plain view is just mean!

Are you active? I know it's hard with a toddler as life is exhausting enough anyway, but you could kill 2 birds with one stone by making 'exercise time' 'playing together time', so you'll be bonding and focusing on your little one while you 'work out', instead of trying to go for a jog alone at the end of the day when you're too tired to want to move from the sofa. For example, going swimming with your little one, playing at being sharks or whatever so you're having fun together while getting you moving. Or going for a power walk with your munchkin in a smart trike so you can be talking about everything you see/telling stories etc both enjoying yourselves while you're getting fit. A living room disco is always fun, with flashing Christmas lights draped around, the curtains drawn and the music on loud - even tiny tots love a good dance and it's a really good workout!

I started keto July last year and I’ve lost 3stone 11lbs so far. 1 more stone to lose then I’ll maintain. I also exercise 2 hours a day. It’s done wonders for my shape and It keeps me occupied and away from snacks. Do you exercise?

What are you willing to give up, and not willing to give up?

You need to decide this, and then plan your diet around it.

Also : your DH is sabotaging your health by bringing home junk food that he knows you can't resist. This is not fair of him. He needs to stop.

DH thinks that he shouldn't suffer (not have is treats/foods) because I can't control myself.
Part of me understands, but mostly I just wonder what his thoughts would be on a recognised addiction, like alcohol.

But I would also like him to get healthy, he doesn't gain much, but he still eats all that shit, plus enjoys a drink, no exercise and previously smoked for twenty years (hasn't for about five.)

Anyway, I've dug our my Fitbit and started working out a basic meal plan to prep for the coming week, looked at some online workouts (blogilates looks like a good beginners calendar...?) and looked up the closest swimming pool for a morning session before DH leaves for work.

We have a wedding coming up in April, then a family gathering end of May and a big birthday party at end of June. Thinking of trying to break down my overall goal of being 3 stone lighter (just weighed myself this morning, it's nearly a 4 stone goal) and toning up into smaller chunks, maybe getting rid of food rewards a.k.a cheat meals, and finding something nice to wear as a incentive, or other personal treats (I need a massage! ) and maybe saving up the 'treat' money like someone suggested.

I think if I could just get past the two week mark, I'll have a look at potentially investing in a plan like team RH.

Also never offended by swearing, just trying to police my own with little ears around (which is really hard when you're super unfit and try a HIIT workout )

The 'easy' way to do it, is not get involved with some stupid, faddy diet. The biggest driving force is you though. Your willpower is key to it all. It's not a diet, its a total lifestyle change & will just become the new normal, otherwise it will just come back

Break it down. Work out how many calories a day you can eat with a TDEE calculator. Plug the numbers into MyFitnessPal & aim for a 40% protein, 30% carbs & 30% fats balance. This means you can still eat a balanced range of most things. Be religious, everything you put into your mouth goes into MFP. All you need to focus on is hitting, or coming in under your daily goal, the weight loss will ebb & flow over time, but it will happen.

Cut out the sugar, but phase it out over time, cut out the processed carbs, eat lots of veg, and good protein & it will happen. Cut all the crap and diet industry rubbish away, and weight loss is as simple as putting less calories in to your mouth than you burn each day. The rest is just driven around making money out of you doing that.

Do a meal plan a week in advance, with your shopping list, and when you go to the supermarket, the only things you buy, are the only things you need.

If your partner wants to support you & if he's buying crap to eat, he can eat it at work for the 8 hours he's there every day. If you stick to it, it will happen. It really is that simple.