People are weird

[chelle792]

I might be seeing this a little black and white but I really don't understand people.

I am just over 11st and 5ft 4. Not huge but could really do with losing a stone.

If I mention to friends that I want to lose a few pounds the response is always 'Don't be silly, you're tiny, there's nothing of you '

I'm not big but most definitely not tiny. My body suits me when I'm around 10st.

Is it a politeness thing? I never say things like 'oh I'm fat....' for blind reassurance I am only saying that I want to lose pounds.

Not sure if I've even explained myself. Is it societies perception on what a body should be? I dunno...

I get that all the time.

I'm 5 foot 8 and 11.7 stone. I used to be 10, felt great, really confident with my body.

Following a nasty break up and my mum dying I gained two stone and am now gradually losing this.

If it ever comes up everyone feels the need to lecture me and it drives me nuts - I'm not fat by any means but I'm bigger than I feel comfortable with plus half my clothes don't fit!

I think there are several things in play. First of all, the image that your friends/family hold of you in their minds: they think of you as a small person so if you say you want to lose weight, it surprises them. Second, I think politeness does come in to play. Nobody really wants someone to say 'oh yeah, you could stand to lose a few pounds', so they may think that they're saying what you want to hear. Thirdly, you may carry what you see as your excess weight extremely well, you may dress in the most flattering way possible, and probably not many of them see you naked, so they genuinely don't see that you could benefit from losing weight.

Ultimately, of course, it doesn't matter what they think: only what you think.

I'm in a different but not unrelated position that I've lost a bit of weight this year, and people are telling me not to lose any more/too much. I look in the mirror and still see quite a chunky person and know that, like you, I'd be better about a stone lighter.

Good luck.

Speaking from my own perspective, I feel that when people say they need to lose weight then they are implying that they feel negative about themselves. I don't want people to feel negative about themselves, so I try to say something positive that will make them feel happier. I can see how it would be annoying in this context and come across like I'm questioning your judgement though.

What would be a preferable response, for you?

Well what is the correct response?

'Yeah you're right you're looking a bit chubby!'

No one is going to agree with you, so they're being polite.

It is a politeness thing! I have lost 20kg and even when I was borderline obese people said this.

Yes people were saying it to me right up to 17st.

When I told friends I wanted (needed) to lose weight I wasn't really looking for opinions to be honest. So the correct response for me would have been 'oh ok, cool' or similar.

Politeness? I feel really socially inept right now.

If someone said they wanted to lose a little I'd probably ask what their plan was or what target they had.

I find mindless reassurance confusing. But then I guess I don't feel bad about my body. I'm a size 12 and people always say I look lighter than I am (DH was shocked when he found out my weight). But I still have back fat, muffin top, etc. It's definitely there.

Equally when I dropped to ten stone I was told to put weight on because I looked to skinny.

I'm only ranting, sorry.

Your response is fine too - some of us get very anxious about saying the wrong thing (and project our own body insecurities onto the other party) while you are clearly more confident about this sort of conversation (and your body)!

Don't worry about it. Good luck with your diet/exercise plan

You're right. People are definitely weird when it comes to weight.

Illness and medication has meant that over the past few years, my weight has fluctuated between 50 and 70kgs (I'm 5ft 1") and people make all sorts of comments at both ends of the spectrum.

Yes people are weird. I am in the process of losing quite a lot of weight (will be 50lb when I have finished) and I am getting lots of almost accusatory questions about what I am doing and whether I am ill. For the record I am doing mfp and keeping to 1200 per day. Hardly revolutionary!

The whole thing just gives me a headache!

I guess my feeling is that no matter the size of a person's body, if they want to change it then it depends on how they feel not how they look. My very skinny friend wants to lose a few pounds. she's pretty skinny! But then who am I to tell her not to lose weight? It's how she feels about herself, not how she actually looks when she's in the mirror.

I'm currently about 14 and a half stone but when I first started losing weight in 2012 I was 16st and got down to just under 13st. I was still medically obese (I'm 5' 4.5) but people were aghast that I wanted to lose another 3st! I had so many lectures and "skinny minnie" comments made, even with a 34GG chest and wearing size 14 jeans.

Now I'd love someone to call me a skinny minnie