How do I get my husband to loose weight??

[minko]

He's 6'3" and 17 stone. He has put on over a stone in the past year through having a stressful job with long hours and not enough exercise but really it's his attitude making him fat. He drinks a lot and eats anything he finds in the fridge!

We had a pub lunch the other day - fish and chips. Then I went out in the evening and had made himself a steak and veg! He thinks steak is 'healthy' so that was OK!

I've done Weightwatchers recently and have fed him low fat dinners but I have no control over what he eats in the day... I know it has to come from him but he doesn't have a clue! More than my own shallowness, he needs to lose weight as he has high blood pressure and already takes beta blockers when stressed...

Any ideas for inspiring him without hurting his delicate feelings...

Lose not loose... sorry!

Not really - it has to come from himself as you know. I am overweight and would not be at all happy if my DH said anything; however now that I have made the decision to lose weight myself I am confident and organised but I am doing it for myself, not for my DH or my Doctor ...

I know you only want to help but apart from providing a sensible, low fat diet at home and not buying the wrong sort of stuff there's not much else you can do - and obviously your DH can buy/eat whatever he wants for himself !

Sorry, can't advise much !

The short answer is that you can't. He has to want to do it himself. My dp drives me mad with what he thinks are healthy choices. He has given up anything 'sugary' in an attempt to lose weight. But will drink squash by the gallon and sees nothing wrong with filling up on far too many carbs, a whole garlic baguette in front of the TV for example. But it's not sugar so it's fine . But it's his hurdle to overcome. Nagging will do no good at all. Try and come at it from a health angle. If he's already got health issues you could try altering both of your diets in an effort to tackle that.

If this was a bloke writing about their wife there'd be a massive stink kicked up right about now.

Not if she had those health issues Ursula. This isn't a 'he's fat and it's disgusting' thread. It's an 'I'm worried, how do I help?' one.

It is a bit of a 'I don't fancy sex' one too I'm afraid...

I am afraid this is one area where you have to wait until he wants to do it himself.

I started a health kick 6 months ago, just with a couple of weekly aerobic classes. DH looked after the kids when I went out and took the piss when I returned unable to breath and bright red in the face.

However 4 months later when I started running/walking (Couch to 5K), he started to run/walk himself. He is even talking about doing a 10K run next year !

Food wise I have started to try and make healthy choices of what to eat, DH is still making lush meals with loads of oil and baking homemade chocolate biscuits !

Then again DH is eating more veg, so maybe he'll start watching his food too. But that is his choice and I would never bother him about it. That said my DH is always sexy at any size.

Could there be other issues in your relationship if you are starting to be unattracted to your DH ?

Oh this is a real problem ! my DH used to diet when he was younger and he's got fatter than ever since he stopped. IMO Most 'diets' are to blame 'cos as soon as you stop them the weight goes on even more.

I've lost 2 stone and am maintaining with Paul Mckenna and DH does sort of know about it but won't really get into it with me (it re educates your attitude to food so no humiliating meetings or weird diet foods or pills) but as O.Ps are saying it has to come from him. It's like if he takes any notice of me then he's doing what mummy wants and 'cos he's an only child he has fought her all his life why should he listen to me!

I would think about the underlying issues rather than just weight. I found myself binge-eating and gaining weight when I was stuck working in a stressful, long-hours job like that. It was making me so incredibly unhappy that there was no way I could focus on taking care of myself with things like healthy eating and exercise, I was just too stressed and exhausted and wanting to do nothing but eat because while I was eating I wasn't thinking or feeling anything else. I didn't care if I got fat or ill, I just wanted to shut everything out.

For me the only thing that worked was quitting my job. A bit of a drastic solution but it was the only way I could feel like myself again, and start caring about anything again.

I agree with others that the motivation has to come from him, this is not something you can do for him, and nagging about it is only going to make things worse.