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Original poster

Having a Wedding after children?

23 replies

Engjellushe · 04/02/2020 15:12

Hi! Im 32 live with my partner/finance 35, nearly 8year and we have 3children together. We pushed our wedding plans because of finishing degrees, starting a new job and the children came(twins 2,5 now and and 1 year old).
Now we(I do more) talking again about having a wedding maybe next year.
My husband is not so much into it, if it was for him he wouldn't have a Wedding. "It is nonsense!"
I love to have a wedding, and now more that I can have my children next to me. Celebrating my family!
Now people are starting talking, that is ridiculous and that no one will come. That I shouldn't think about it because my time has past...

So what do you think about it. I am with mixed feelings right now.

OP posts:
OverthinkingThis · 04/02/2020 15:14

Now people are starting talking, that is ridiculous and that no one will come. That I shouldn't think about it because my time has past

Whoever they are, be sure not to invite them! They are ridiculous, plenty of people get married after kids. Have the wedding you want and celebrate your family Smile

LangLiveThePenis · 04/02/2020 15:17

I'd recommend it to anyone with or planning children. Anyone saying your time has passed is a dick and of course your true friends would love to celebrate.

If you want a smaller do, you could have a registry office with a beautiful dress and a meal at a local restaurant and a party after the honeymoon.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/02/2020 15:18

Huh? Who’s said no one will come?

Do you want to be married, to have a weddingy wedding or both? Is your partner saying marriage or a wedding is nonsense? Marriage isn’t nonsense at all. It’s a serious level contract that protects the lower earner and the children. If that’s you then marriage is well worth it. If your partner is happy to marry but doesn’t want the fuss and expense, you could spend very little and just do the paperwork at your local registry office, if you live in England, I’m not sure on the legalities elsewhere. Your children could be part of that and you’d need two adult witnesses. If you want a big dress and party then that’s something you and your partner need to discuss.

ddraigygoch · 04/02/2020 16:06

Why the hell would nobody come?! Who said that to you? That person is not a friend!

Of course people will come.
I had DS at our wedding. He was 17 months. And I was pregnant with DD1.

Part of me now wishes we'd waited a little longer to actually include all of our children. Having DS there was absolutely amazing. He was wonderful and his happiness made my day.

Now seeing DD1 she would've loved it even more.

Have you day. Make it as special as you want and indulge yourself. It only happens once....🤞

FlowerArranger · 04/02/2020 16:09

Sorry, but do you want to get married...

Or do you want a big, expensive party - aka known as a wedding?

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 04/02/2020 16:16

@flowerarranger
Exactly, two different things entirely. Op you need to decide on your priorities.

Helini · 04/02/2020 16:17

I married DH before I got pregnant but wish so much we had waited and got married with my DS present. We have beautiful wedding photos but they are missing the true love if my life (DS) in them.

Liskee · 04/02/2020 16:23

We did pretty much exactly what @LangLiveThePenis suggests, just didn't have a honeymoon!

We were together 5 years, had kids and a mortgage when we got married. Just was the icing on the cake for me tbh. So glad we did it

theswordthatdangles · 04/02/2020 16:31

We had two children and did the registry office marriage with close friends and family, quick 'tea and cakes after. It was about being married rather than a huge shindig though so work out why you want to be married and do that. If it's just for a big party, it is way cheaper to just celebrate your next big birthday.

ddraigygoch · 04/02/2020 17:05

I absolutely wanted to marry my DH. No doubt.

But also without a shadow of a doubt I wanted a massive piss up with all my friends and family that I would remember for the rest of my life.
They got smashed I was pregnant.

So I ate all the food and sweets I'd ordered.

You can want both things.

mrsbrightside1308 · 05/02/2020 10:16

I got married 2 weeks ago to my partner of 15 years.our 12 year old had an active role, dealing with the rings etc.made our day for him to fully enjoy the celebrations with us.

Campurp · 05/02/2020 23:55

Of course you should do it!

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 06/02/2020 17:34

Do it! The children will love it.
More to the point being married feels “different”. It does. You only live once. Aside from the money ( and that can be as much or as little as you want after the registers fees) what gave you got to lose?

Mariagatzs12 · 06/02/2020 17:47

I more or less see where your partner is coming from. I find marriages after children a bit pointless (but a) I'm old fashioned b) the higher earner/more assets of the two). I see children, a mortgage etc just as big a commitment as marriage.

I like big weddings, I've never had one, but now I find it silly to have one because I did things in the wrong order (IMO). Maybe your partner is of the same opinion?

That being said, surely you can compromise?

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/02/2020 17:51

Honestly I agree with your DP. Get married sure, but there is no need for a large wedding. Save the money and take your kids somewhere nice after the registry.

Mariagatzs12 · 06/02/2020 17:52

I more or less see where your partner is coming from. I find marriages after children a bit pointless (but a) I'm old fashioned b) the higher earner/more assets of the two). I see children, a mortgage etc just as big a commitment as marriage.

I like big weddings, I've never had one, but now I find it silly to have one because I did things in the wrong order (IMO). Maybe your partner is of the same opinion?

That being said, surely you can compromise?

Mariagatzs12 · 06/02/2020 17:52

I more or less see where your partner is coming from. I find marriages after children a bit pointless (but a) I'm old fashioned b) the higher earner/more assets of the two). I see children, a mortgage etc just as big a commitment as marriage.

I like big weddings, I've never had one, but now I find it silly to have one because I did things in the wrong order (IMO). Maybe your partner is of the same opinion?

That being said, surely you can compromise?

Mariagatzs12 · 06/02/2020 17:53

I more or less see where your partner is coming from. I find marriages after children a bit pointless (but a) I'm old fashioned b) the higher earner/more assets of the two). I see children, a mortgage etc just as big a commitment as marriage.

I like big weddings, I've never had one, but now I find it silly to have one because I did things in the wrong order (IMO). Maybe your partner is of the same opinion?

That being said, surely you can compromise?

Mariagatzs12 · 06/02/2020 17:54

I more or less see where your partner is coming from. I find marriages after children a bit pointless (but a) I'm old fashioned b) the higher earner/more assets of the two). I see children, a mortgage etc just as big a commitment as marriage.

I like big weddings, I've never had one, but now I find it silly to have one because I did things in the wrong order (IMO). Maybe your partner is of the same opinion?

That being said, surely you can compromise?

Tombakersscarf · 06/02/2020 18:00

There is never any "need" for a large wedding, but lots of people want one... I had a (fairly) small wedding with a child at 40 - it was great. Only one I'll ever have Smile

Reginabambina · 06/02/2020 18:07

Is there some kind of wider context here?

GrumpyHoonMain · 06/02/2020 18:07

Honestly I agree with your DP. Get married sure, but there is no need for a large wedding. Save the money and take your kids somewhere nice after the registry.

Reginabambina · 06/02/2020 18:07

Is there some kind of wider context here?

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