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Original poster

Save the dates

21 replies

mintich · 16/05/2018 13:56

Two questions
When do you think save the dates should be sent?
Also my DP's mother thinks we should send email save the dates? I'm not sure of that just seems a bit crappy? I've always been sent proper cards but maybe I'm too old fashioned!

OP posts:

FreeMantle · 16/05/2018 16:25

How far in advance are you sending them and for how many?

The problem is if you send them to say 80 guests and book a venue later you still have no idea how many of them will actually want to come.
Booking the venue and sending proper invites with good nine months or so on them gives you at least a vague idea of numbers with at least 6 months wriggle room.

gingerbreadbiscuits · 16/05/2018 16:27

Save the dates are a newish concept. We sent proper ones but if you need to cut back on spending the this would be a good place.

Original poster

mintich · 16/05/2018 17:26

The wedding is in April. Venue is booked but we need to cut down our list from 160 to 120 so would be good to know who is coming. Money isn't an issue really so would only send email save the dates if that was the done thing now!

OP posts:

BossWitch · 16/05/2018 17:30

I'd send proper paper ones. As you need to cut 40 people I would be tempted to leave it a bit later so there's more chance of people already being booked!

FreeMantle · 16/05/2018 17:40

People don't RSVP to Save the Dates. That's an invite!

And if you give the a years notice chances are they'll find a way to come.
Send invites to 130 with a few blank ones in case a lot can't make it. Then you can do a second batch if needed. You need to cut people not tell them about it!

FilledSoda · 16/05/2018 17:43

Save the Date won't give you the info you need , you need numbers .
Just send the invitations asap.There

Tailfeather · 16/05/2018 17:49

We sent ours well over a year in advance - but you don't usually ask for an rsvp. We just sent them to the people we really wanted to come and then sent invitations 2 months beforehand expecting some others not to be able to make it! (In reality only 2 couple ms said no as their babies were due around the same date as the wedding).

Original poster

mintich · 16/05/2018 17:56

I was just hoping people would mention if they already had something booked. But I suppose people might wait for the invite to do that.
My family think it's too far in advance to send them now, but I've already had people ask when it is so they can make sure they are free and book the day before off etc

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 16/05/2018 17:58

No one will reply to a save the date. We didn’t bother with them. Just send an invitation. If you’re close enough to them that they’re coming to your wedding, surely you can just mention the date?

Tailfeather · 16/05/2018 17:59

It's definitely not too early. I've already got holidays booked for next Easter.

I also think ones through the post are a bit nicer plus they're probably more likely t take notice of them and keep the date free!

Colonelpopcorn · 16/05/2018 18:03

I didn’t bother with save the dates.

HMC2000 · 16/05/2018 18:41

You should only send Save the Dates to people you will definitely be inviting. They don't require an rsvp, and are a statement of your intent to invite the recipient. They may decline the invitation when they get it, but you can't withdraw it in between times. There was a long ranty thread on here by someone who had received a Save the Date, arranged holiday and turned down other invitations, only to not receive a wedding invitation after all.

KitanaKay · 16/05/2018 18:46

Please cut your list to 120 before sending anything to anyone - I know several people who have had 100% acceptance rates.

I recommend orally telling those you’re most keen to have there he date instead of anything official, because otherwise it can cause offence when people realise they didn’t get a save the date and feel like a tier 2 guest

Scribblegirl · 16/05/2018 18:51

We sent them in December for our July wedding as it’s peak holiday season - one part of the family were booking their holiday for that day and luckily were in time to move it!

We were going to do email to save cash although in the end I fell in love with a pattern I saw online so we sprang for the real deal. I wouldn’t think email was tacky though.

Original poster

mintich · 16/05/2018 19:31

I would only send 120 save the dates but was hoping if people couldn't come then they would say, and I could then move on to the other list. Although sounds like people may wait for the invite to say something!

OP posts:

FilledSoda · 16/05/2018 19:35

No one replies to a save the date, it wouldn't even occur to me to do so

SheepyFun · 16/05/2018 19:38

We sent a save the date email very early so that people would at least know when we getting married when they booked holidays etc. We didn't expect replies (and didn't get many). For practical reasons, we only sent the invitations out with about 8 weeks to go, which would have been far too little notice for many of those who came (some from other continents) , but was enough notice for us to give numbers to the venue. People did respond to the invitations (as requested)

MaggieFS · 17/05/2018 20:39

I think with this much notice, most people would be able to make the date. As pp have said, a save the date won't give you the answers you want, there's no obligation to reply to one, and you can't expect people to reply without giving them full details.

Separately, I think emailing them is fine to friends/ younger generation. I did this, but printed and posted them to aunts, uncles etc.

MaggieFS · 17/05/2018 20:41

Meant to add, so I don't think you'll get 40 who can't make it. You're going to have to make some tough decisions or pick a bigger venue. We invited 102 at seven months notice. Six were abroad so we never really expected them, and only a further two declined. Two more from abroad did come, we were touched and amazed.

meditrina · 17/05/2018 20:49

If you want to be traditional, you dn't senf STDs, you just tell people the next time you are talking to them (face to face or telephone) of writing to them (letter or email).

If you want to be modern, and spend even more on wedding stationery, then you get cards and send then only to the people whose absence would really matter to you. 120 is far too many! Any time after you've set the date is fine. But no, one does not respond to an STD card.

It is not a tool for managing the invitation list, it's simply priority warning for those who matter most to you.

Doobigetta · 17/05/2018 20:57

We did emails about 9 months before, and we put something on about "if you know for definite you won't be able to come, it would really help with our planning if you could let us know". No-one did, though, and we did get a fairly high decline rate in the end, mainly from family we weren't that close to and were unable or unwilling to come without children. What the save the dates did do though, was what we wanted- give the people we really wanted to come lots of time to organise childcare.
I agree with others, better to send fewer save the dates and more invitations than drop people after they've had a save the date.

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