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Original poster

Kids at wedding

21 replies

Popsicle434544 · 27/04/2018 20:08

So we done our invite list and if all guests all bring their kids we have 57 .
Is it considered rude to only have immidiate family children and best friends children (our god children) and saying no to all others?

57 is too much and takes us over our numbers for venue.
Dunno what to do

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 27/04/2018 20:11

I think you need to either say no children at all or all children. If I had to leave my child because it was a child free wedding then I arrived and saw other children I’d be upset. Also to invite best friend’s children it then makes it quite obvious who you prefer over other people.
At our wedding a lot of the guests had children but the majority actually left them at home by choice so could enjoy the day with their partners and I often do that for weddings.

Fatted · 27/04/2018 20:14

I think it really needs to be all or none. But you just need to accept some people will probably decline because they can't bring the kids. Surely are children's meals not cheaper at your venue? Ours were.

IHeartMaryLennox · 27/04/2018 20:18

I wanted none. It caused a HUGE fallout and now we 'have' to have toddler nephew and five year old niece as 'THEY ARE FAMILY!!'

I'm pissed of about it. They're not allowed in the ceremony or the champagne but after. I've said they can join the party after that.

AmazingPostVoices · 27/04/2018 20:20

I’m going to disagree. I think it’s fine to just have family/wedding party children.

Most people understand that while you want your nieces and nephews that accommodating everyone’s kids is sometimes difficult.

I’ve gone to several “child free” weddings where there were several little kids without issue.

I’ve also been in the position of having the only two kids at a wedding.

It was all fine and no one batted an eyelid.

AmazingPostVoices · 27/04/2018 20:23

Also to invite best friend’s children it then makes it quite obvious who you prefer over other people.

But everyone knows that already surely? It would be strange if you didn't like your nieces nephews, god children and their parents best!

winterwonderly · 27/04/2018 20:29

I think it's quite normal to just have children of close family and breastfed babies. That's what we did and everyone was happy as far as I know, and I've been to other weddings where they did the same.

Bubbles120 · 27/04/2018 20:37

I'm having my ds, my godson and my friends dc as they will be pageboys and then inviting my 5 nephew's. But I'm not inviting any other children. If I invited everyone's children I'd be adding another 13 people to a already large guest list.

ObiJuanKenobi · 27/04/2018 20:40

We are only having family children at our wedding, no one batted an eye when we sent invites. I'm also bridesmaid at a wedding this summer which is the same, I wasn't offended at all.

Scrabbler3 · 27/04/2018 20:43

Family children and godchildren only is fine. People will understand.

ColdWaterMusic · 27/04/2018 20:46

Most the weddings I've been to have been close family children and tiny babies only. I would include god children in that and wouldn't be in the slightest bit offended if my kids weren't invited.

Mumathon · 28/04/2018 07:27

We’re going to have to do the same, just (close) family children. We put our guest list together and if we invited all our guests’ children as well we’d be looking at 37 out of 70 guests being children. It’s not really the cost, just the whole atmosphere and practicalities.
Our invites haven’t gone out yet but the people we’ve spoken to so far seem happy with it (although of course that might just be to my face) but I do understand if it affects people’s decision whether to come or not.

Hellywelly10 · 28/04/2018 07:34

I think someone will be annoyed. I usually dont take my child to weddings because she gets bored. Not everyone has a good babysitting network.

Elpheba · 28/04/2018 07:36

I think people understand family children, especially if they have a role in the wedding.

(But don't get me started on DSIL who wouldn't invite our DD to her wedding as said it was childfree and babes in arms only and when we got there, the groom's nieces were flower girls... not still bitter at all🙄)

WowLookAtYou · 28/04/2018 07:38

Of course it's not all or none. Most people are sensible enough to realise that wedding numbers are often tight but that nieces/nephews are ring-fenced from a ban on kids.

Original poster

Popsicle434544 · 28/04/2018 10:04

Mostly thinks it's ok then.
Thing is I would love them all, it's not the cost but the size of our venue would mean over numbers and would have to drop a few friends to allow the children of others.
In regards to best friends children, I see them almost every day, I couldn't not have them, although they are not flower girls/page boys they are family to us and also my childrens best friends so company at wedding for them.

I think we will go with it, the no kids for everyone els.
Do I just put mum and dad's names on invites or do i also write no children?
Ty xx

OP posts:

Doobigetta · 29/04/2018 09:07

You have to spell it out or CFs will be disingenuous and pretend they thought kids were included. Have you done save the dates yet? I know a lot of people think they're naff, but this is something you can use them for. We did, and only one person "misunderstood". (Ironically the one who sets a huge amount of importance on her alleged intellectual superiority). This at least gives your guests lots of time to make childcare arrangements. We also put an information sheet in with the proper invitations that again spelled out "we are not able to accommodate children".

You will piss someone off. It's the rule. The sad fact as well is that family are likely to complain, and less close friends are likely to complain. Your best friends, whose kids you'd probably be happy enough to invite, will be lovely and understanding. And you'll feel sad that you have to restrict them to appease people you care far less about.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 03/05/2018 19:34

We had only family children and even then had to draw the line at great nieces and nephews. We also had the children of a family from the other end of the country and their DD was a bridesmaid. Oh and a new born. Couple of friends kicked off but when we explained there would be 37 extra they all backed down graciously.

baxterboi · 04/05/2018 09:28

I ended up messaging a few people and asking about their preference before deciding what to do re: children. I was surprised how many said they'd prefer to be invited on their own without kids so they could relax and make a night of it. then again, my wedding is small (only 40 day guests total and upto 70 total in the evening).

I think we have a total of 8 children which I am happy with.

Poopooweewee · 04/05/2018 12:53

We've said no kids at ours. Children find the day / evening too long and get bored. We have had no one with children say they can't come, they seem v happy to spend some time being adults for the day.

mishfish · 20/05/2018 22:59

I think it’s fine. I’m having flowers girls who are being taken off after the photos (including my youngest ones!) and 3 older children (including my eldest) for the meal (the other two are leaving after the meal) and a relative whose flying over from abroad with her DC as I couldn’t have him fly over and have to go with a nanny for the day

Quodlibet · 21/05/2018 01:25

We've been totally upfront on both our save the date and invitations: if we invited all the children there would be over 60 of them which is two primary school classes!
I think it's fine - lots of people prefer to have an evening away from their kids. As parents ourselves we are being sensitive to the difficulties of finding childcare.
We've said no children other than close family and small children too young to be left - meaning people can make their own call about it as some children are fine overnight with a babysitter from babyhood and others not til they are two or three.
We've checked in personally with all the guests with babies of an age who might struggle and let them know their children are v welcome if they need to bring them.
We'll end up with about 16 kids (including our own two) out of a guest total of 135. We've got a bit of flexibility though as are DIYing a lot of our wedding and have very reasonable caterers who won't charge us £25+ a head for a child's meal.

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