Not treating parents the same at the wedding?!

[CantPlanThisWedding]

We're starting to discuss arrangements for our upcoming wedding and who will participate in what, it's causing quite a bit of stress and wondering if anyone had some input!

Dp's mother has made it clear from the get go she does not like me, will tell anyone who asks the same, has told DP to leave, said some truly unforgivable(in my opinion) things to DP and generally been hard work,. We've been no contact for several years(Dp's choice, not mine) until recently. Back in contact now but very little and contact is only with DP. Obviously she will be invited, but i feel that should be her only involvement.

My Mum & Dp's step-mum signing the register, My dad walking me down the isle and Dp's dad is involved in various other things. Siblings doing readings/being bridesmaids ect.

Is it unfair to not give her anything to do? To be honest shes been so truly vile to me and more importantly to her own son for so many years I can't see why she would deserve anything else.

I'm willing to accept if i am being blind sighted by the past though so just looking for some input!

Why are you inviting her?

I don't understand why you are inviting her if she has been that vile. Has she apologised for how she has been? If not then she shouldn't be coming. If she is still invited then no yanbu to exclude her from the 'family' side of the wedding - she doesn't get to help out & she certainly doesn't get near the top table. Personally I would be worried she would kick off & make a scene on the day so I wouldn't let her near

unfortunately DP has decided he would like to try and rectify their relationship. I'm fine with whatever he feels like he needs to do but I can't see past it all and treat her like we are our other parents who have been loving/supportive.

I just wouldn’t invite her.

Would she want to attend? Does your DP want her there?

Oh and no, There won't be an apology from her at any point. She believes this is all mine and DP's fault anyway.

I am glad it seems i'm not the only one who wouldn't involve her.

I think she should consider herself lucky to be invited. However I would consider sitting her with a close friend who could ‘mind’ her and make sure she doesn’t talk about you.

She does want to go, and wants to be treated as every else is, she wants us all to forget everything and accept it.
DP wants her there and if she kicks off we've forewarned certain people to keep an eye on her and remove her if it looks like its going that way.

To be honest she's the sly kind of awful. The kind that cries and has a breakdown when things don't go her way and blame everything on other people. The kind that play's the victim to get herself out of situations so I'd be more worried she will start crying in the corner about how we've left her out and we're awful people.

Thank you though for somewhat justifying to me that its not wrong to keep her at arms length for the actual day!

I get where your DP is coming from but I would seriously worry about the day itself, can you do as others have suggested and sit her with someone trusted who can head off any trouble before it arrives? I would also be prepared for some nasty comments about the day/dress etc etc etc. What does the rest of the family think to her coming?

I can sit her with DP's brother i suppose, he is probably best suited to keeping her on her best behavior. That's actually a really good idea.

Luckily i'm quite thick skinned and don't actually care what she says/does. Its actually DP who i'm worried about as he's really hoping things will be different this time! I think that is the reason he's stressing about keeping her happy and her not kicking off over being uninvolved.