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Original poster

*fake vows*

25 replies

wonderingsoul · 10/03/2017 18:52

I was wondering if you could help give your veiws on a idea, would you judge/think it odd or nice kind of thing.

Me and df are on a vert strict budget... cheap as possable....

Getting married at our local refistary office with people there would cost 500 alone ... never mind the reception. But if its just me him and two witnises its 80 pounds... which is a massive difference.

So our plan was to hire a nice hall that has a stage.. get married offically just us a few days before then get married in the hall with a family friend to re do the vows then have the reception there to so no transportinh ethier.

Our marriage would still be legal but would be a lot cheaper and i think itd be nice to have some one close to us marry us.

Would you think it odd.. would you tell every one your plans before hand or explain when they get there...

OP posts:
Smidge001 · 10/03/2017 18:59

We did it - but didn't tell anyone as we wanted them to think it was the real ceremony. We paid the registrar an amount to do the second set of vows which were effectively renewal vows. The wording was exactly the same, except she said she couldn't do the bit asking if anyone knew of any legal impediment.
The book we signed had to be a renewal book too, but she said she'd keep the title hidden from the photographer/anyone close by.

We both felt the ceremony in front of friends and family was the real thing, even though we'd legally got married a month earlier!

hazelnutlatte · 10/03/2017 19:02

My brother did this, as he and his wife got legally married abroad (no ceremony, just filled in paperwork). Most of the guests had no idea! My friend is a registrar and did a pretend ceremony as a favour.

Original poster
wonderingsoul · 10/03/2017 19:05

Also when do you count your weddimg day.. from when you sign the papers or from the fake vows day?

OP posts:
Trills · 10/03/2017 19:06

If you are saying them and meaning them then you have "really" made a promise so they are not fake.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/03/2017 19:08

People do this all the time, some times they are having a ceremony abroad, sometimes they want a religious ceremony. Go for it and have a wonderful time.

BTW, where are you getting married? The nationally set statutory wedding fee is £46 plus £4 for your certificate, how come you are getting overcharged?

www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships/weddings-and-civil-partnership-ceremonies

P1nkSparkles · 10/03/2017 19:08

Some venues do this so that you can use pretty rooms etc that aren't licensed & any proper outdoor weddings in the U.K. definitely do it....

I'd say go for it.

Original poster
wonderingsoul · 10/03/2017 19:08

Noo i know that.. maybe fake is the wrong word... i just mean there not the legal vows.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 10/03/2017 19:09

Had you never watched "don't tell the bride"? This is entirely normal.

Original poster
wonderingsoul · 10/03/2017 19:10

Suffolk... its 46 each if we do it on our own or have i read that wrong?

Or 500 for upto 60 people

OP posts:
SmallBee · 10/03/2017 19:10

I've been to three weddings like this, the ' fake' service was every bit as brilliant as a normal wedding with the added bonus of it being entirely personalised to the couple. Two of the couples just did the registrar bit first thing on the same day and one did it the day before.
Go for it!

PerspicaciaTick · 10/03/2017 19:11

Also, you don't have to make any vows during your legal ceremony, just your declaratory words (I am legally free to marry) and contracting words (I take you to be my husband/wife). Everything else is optional, so you could save all your personal, meaningful vows and ring exchange for your friends and family.

Ethelswith · 10/03/2017 19:13

I've been to a wedding like this too. The couple had a legal ceremony within the permitted time limits for a visa. Then their 'real' wedding (in church, so officially a blessing) for all their family and friends, and that is the one from which they mark their anniversaries.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/03/2017 19:14

It should be £46 (plus £4) to do your statutory ceremony in total - your local authority has to provide this service although they are allowed to decide where and when they offer statutory ceremonies. You will also have to pay £35 each (£70) to give your notice of marriage - but you pay that whether you are having the £50 wedding or a £50k wedding.

SillyBub · 10/03/2017 19:14

I know plenty of people who've done this. They all celebrate their wedding anniversary on the date that they had the big do, not the legal ceremony date.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/03/2017 19:16

It sounds like the £500 would be for a larger venue with space for more guests. Is this for a registry office/community room? Does it include the room hire and the registrars or is this the fee payable to the registrars for travelling to an approved venue where you pay more for the venue on top.

Original poster
wonderingsoul · 10/03/2017 19:21

The 500 is at the same registary office.. its just a old fasioned room that can hold 60 guest sitting.

Just us and two witness would be at the same place. So wed be paying just for thw room and guests

The venue we want to do it the blessing and reception would be 600 pounds but it includeds tables chairs and would have room to dance.

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 10/03/2017 20:05

Blimey - not impressed with Suffolk. I'd be tempted to get married across the border in Essex - at least you get a nice, dedicated room with no office equipment in it even if you are only spending £50. The community venue in Saffron Walden would cost you £164 if you get married on a weekday and you could have quite a few guests too.

FairytaleOfSkegness · 10/03/2017 21:01

We are doing this! Getting married in a registry office on our anniversary and then two weeks later having a big outdoor ceremony and party that we are inviting everyone too

Personally we will be counting the first one as our anniversary but only because it happens to be the day we met Smile I think it's up to you which one (if not both) you choose to celebrate

Smidge001 · 11/03/2017 10:14

We consider the big do our wedding anniversary, even though the legal one was earlier. As a previous poster mentioned, the legal one was basic, just the legal declarations, whereas the proper do in front of family and friends had our vows as well. That's the one that felt real

isupposeitsverynice · 11/03/2017 10:16

Yes one of my parents did this when they remarried - the held the wedding in a location that was very sentimental to the bride but not licensed. Only a couple of people knew they'd already done the legalities beforehand. The "pretend" service was still very nice (although the marriage barely lasted five minutes but never mind that!)

MiddleClassProblem · 11/03/2017 10:21

I've been to a couple weddings with a blessing rather than the legal bit. A friend officiating, my dad did one too, personal vows rather than the legal ones. Both had readings but they were very different ceremonies. One a hand fasting in a circle and the other more like a registry ceremony.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/03/2017 10:23

Actually I've also been to a religious blessing abroad too. Forgot about that one.

None of them pretended it was the legal bit but in away they were more genuine as they said their own vows etc.

WrittenandGrown · 12/03/2017 10:25

Sounds lovely. Go for it! I really don't think your friends and family will care, they are there to celebrate your love either way.

WhereHaveTheyGone · 12/03/2017 10:30

Sounds perfect. The registry office bit as well if you want you can turn up in jeans/t-shirt, say no vows/readings/rings so all that is saved for the wedding part

WhereHaveTheyGone · 12/03/2017 10:30

and I've been to a wedding where they did that and the non legal one felt absolutely like their wedding, to them and all their guests

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