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Original poster

Wedding nanny

13 replies

Horsingaround · 20/02/2017 10:16

Hi this is the first time I have posted on mumsnet so apologies if I have posted in wrong bit! I am after a little bit of advice we have been invited to sis in law wedding which is quite far away so staying over night with hubby and 2 kids (2 and 9) which is all fine. Yesterday mil was round for lunch and told me sil has a nanny/ crèche in another room for the kids throughout evening do!!!And they not eating with us for reception etc the older 1 that's fine apart from he will prob complain as it's for babies (pre teen attitude lol) but my youngest is really funny with people he doesn't know and is not yet in nursery and will scream !!! So no fun for him or me and something I do not feel happy doin. I said to hubby last nite y don't u go with older 1 and he is not happy bout that he is not overly close to sis( plus she doesn't have kids so trying to explain she really would understand and I don't want to upset her or mil) we hardly ever speak and I will feel bad as it will look like I am being horrible not goin also his cousin and his wife are goin which we very gd friends with and we have all booked same hotel and I have rsvpd that we are coming 🙈 Help any suggestion plz sorry for the essay

OP posts:
xStefx · 20/02/2017 10:18

My cousin had one of them at her wedding, arranged by her mum. It isn't as bad as it sounds don't worry, its just usually a room next to the main reception room with toys and colouring books and other stuff. The kids had the choice to come and go in and out of the main reception room whenever they wanted to and im sure yours will probably be pretty similar. weddings can be boring for kids, she is trying to do something to ensure they aren't bored and that you adults can have a good time probably.

namechangedtoday15 · 20/02/2017 10:22

We had this - we asked relative to organise nanny / babysitter earlier in the day (i.e. morning of the wedding) and spent a couple of hours with her and children beforehand, so DC were more comfortable with her and vice versa. She was only really there for babysitting, but in your case, I'd just keep nipping in and out - you and your DH taking turns. No-one will notice if you slip out of the reception for 10 minutes every now and again, it's a better way of doing it than just saying no.

Somerville · 20/02/2017 10:23

How long until the wedding? If it is quite soon or they've confirmed final numbers for catering and you pull out it could cause bad feeling.

I had a creche set up for my wedding recently. We really wanted people to bring their children, if they wanted to, as mine were coming, but we also wanted them to be able to enjoy themselves and to make things easy. That didn't mean that children weren't welcome to join in for the evening events - loads were on the dance floor and it was fun. But those he wanted to play with toys/watch a DVD/have a sleep, could do so.

Even if your SIL is planning that children have to stay in the creche (and I've never heard of that), then how is she going to stop you having yours with you?! She can hardly go round in her wedding dress forcible removing children from their parents! So if I were you I'd go with an open mind, and if your kids don't fancy the creche then don't put them in there.

Original poster
Horsingaround · 20/02/2017 10:34

I do think it's a great idea I could do with a break it's jus youngest won't even let me leave him without screaming with people he even knows very clingy it does drive me a little mad at times but I know it's jus phase and will grow out so he will either be sitting on my lap it's a small wedding apparently or I will be outside with him so now not really looking forward to it. Sil is really not a kid person so I don't even know how many other kids will be there 😢

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 20/02/2017 10:35

I'd see warn SIL about maybe needing a highchair or extra seat just in case but just sea how it goes. It might be that your 2 year old is fine, it might be that after you've gone they are fine even if they don't seem to be when you leave. Just play it by ear

Original poster
Horsingaround · 20/02/2017 10:39

I don't want to not go as I have rsvpd and understand that's rude etc I jus know wot sil is like 🤦‍♂️

OP posts:
xStefx · 20/02/2017 11:02

Stop worrying, they wont expect you to leave a screaming child with someone else. The room is booked for the "parents convenience" I imagine. They wont be prising the child from your arms. I think its a great idea.

Ohyesiam · 20/02/2017 11:26

Nobody would expect you to Leave a screaming kid in another room. You can make it as relaxed as u want to, with your youngest on your lap, and your older one finding other kids to hang out with. Of your sil didn't want kids at her wedding, she would have out that on the invite. She just wants to provide a space for bored kids.
So relax, no one will enforce anything. Go and enjoy it. Flowers

Ohyesiam · 20/02/2017 11:27

Sorry about the gps typosBlush

Ohyesiam · 20/02/2017 11:28

I give up...

geordiedench · 20/02/2017 11:30

We did this. Not nannies, just two lovely teenage girls with some bubbles, balloons, colouring stuff, and a 12 year boy who was semi-pro with magic tricks. They set up in a corner of the main hall, and children could just go over and hang out with them if they wanted to. It meant parents got a break and the children didn't get too bored. It worked really well.

JoMalones · 20/02/2017 11:33

I did this. Had a general guide that over 5s ate separately, had ofsted registered nannies and a magician. They also ate a cheaper more child friendly meal! The under 1s stayed with parents but in the end the two 3/4yr olds chose the children's room as it was more fun and with their siblings. I did explain this all before though to each family to make sure they were happy. Speak to your SIL about what would happen if DC was upset

sonyaya · 20/02/2017 20:18

Just check with her that leaving the kids with the crèche is optional and that children are welcome in the main reception. I know sooooo many couples who have organised crèches to keep children out of the reception because they want an adults only wedding but want to help with childcare. It might be just for convenience as PP says.

If it's the former then yes you will be expected to leave your screaming child or stay with them to stop them screaming. If the point is they don't want children in the reception it's rude not to respect that. The beide might not forcibly remove but she will be understandably upset because then other guests will get their children out of the crèche too.

So basically if the crèche is optional - great. If not, I wouldn't go. If they won't allow kids in the reception and you have childcare issues then they cannot complain. It will cause less angst than you keeping your child with you if it's meant to be adults only.

Your children are her nephews/nieces so I would hope she would be flexible but it's better to check in advance than there be an issue on the day.

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