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Original poster

Bridesmaids - do I need them?

22 replies

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 20/01/2017 16:22

Hi mums... and everyone else.
So I got engaged Christmas eve... Woohoo 😊 after nearly 10 years together. We have 2 kids.
My trouble is bridesmaids...
So I went to college a couple years back where I met 2 girls (50 & 21) who I'd call my friends.
However once I told them I got engaged they were excited for me and friend 1 has invited herself to be bridesmaid. She invited both of them really. I've said to her usually you'd wait to be asked but she's adamant.
Anyway I just left it as I'm not even sure what I'm doing yet. Fiance doesn't really want a groomsman as his longest mate kinda let him down on something big recently.
Anyway... so I was thinking we'llhave 1 each then at most not 2.
Then I got the idea of having none at all ... is that possible???
That way he won't have to ask anyone he doesn't actually want and I won't have to decide which one to ask.

Another thing is our child has had pretty big surgery recently and I got 0 support from my friends. Got a message after I reminded them and then moved onto other things. I get everyone has their own lives and problems but after I got devastating news off the surgeon I wanted to tell them in a group chat for support and nobody replied. 😑
A day later friend 1 replied sorry And that was all.
I feel hurt and let down.

Maybe I'm overreacting? ?? I didn't get much sleep since said surgery...

Anyway... it has made me realize that my best friend is actually my hubby 2 be who has been my rock.

While friend 1 & 2 are great for good times but obviously not so great for the bad.

What would you do?

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 20/01/2017 16:23

Of course it's possible! You don't need them at all.

BerylStreep · 20/01/2017 16:25

We didn't have bridesmaids or batsman / groomsman.

2 friends acted as our witnesses. It was a church wedding.

Sorry that you have realised your friends aren't as supportive as you hoped.

ImperialBlether · 20/01/2017 16:25

Of course you don't need them and it's very presumptuous of your friend to assume she'd be chosen anyway.

crombanna · 20/01/2017 16:27

Registry office and didn't have them. Really don't see the point.

mistermagpie · 20/01/2017 16:30

I didn't have any at my second wedding, having had them at my first. To be honest, they are supposed to help you but they just turned out to more hassle and expense. We did have an 'aisle' because we got married outside but i just walked down on my own and it was lovely.

LotsoNumbers · 20/01/2017 16:31

I was my sisters bridesmaid and the things I did on the day could have been done by a good friend without me wearing a pretty dress (unzipped her for a breather, found somewhere to put the veil, herded various family members arohnd). If they're not true friends and you'd regret having those two then don't have them

Yankeedoodledickhead · 20/01/2017 16:31

You don't need them. I had them and they didn't do anything to help us, which I assume is the idea of them. I did it all myself including organising the hen do because they were both 'too busy'.

JellyWitch · 20/01/2017 16:33

No need at all. When we married we had a best woman (mainly as a point of contact for any issues on the day - she didn't do a speech) and no bridesmaids.

Beyond the legal requirements you can do what you like.

PebbleInTheMoonlight · 20/01/2017 16:46

We didn't have adult bridesmaids. Our two girls chose elaborate (and totally not my style) matching dresses with tonnes of tuille and sparkly bits and we chose a witness each.

No maid of honour, no best man. Just us promising we'd love each other forever (or at least try really hard to do so!)

It suited us perfectly and no one batted an eyelid at the lack of pomp and fuss.

I'd decline your friend's 'kind' offer and insist only family will have central roles in your family day.

Original poster

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 20/01/2017 16:48

Thank you!
I know they'd be really helpful especially friend 1 she likes to take over!
She's already talking about throwing a great hen night for me.
So I do feel bad not asking her.
But then I think it's cheeky to invite yourself ... then when none of them were there for me when I needed them I knew they're not actually real friends.
Friend 1 always says my door is always open ... which it is in fairness but she's only ever been to mine once!
Anyway I think we might do without bridesmaids and groomsmen altogether. Seen as it's allowed. We won't do the church part and we're thinking of getting married in our local surf club cause that's how we met... in australia but still a surf club 😂
If not it's going to be a backyard job. It's going to be a small wedding.
So... the witnesses is there any laws on who they need to be ?
Thank you. Im actually excited not having any 😊
The pictures will be just us our 2 kids and parents which I like.
As it's not looking like I'd want them in my wedding album forever after 😂

OP posts:

LotsoNumbers · 21/01/2017 10:20

She can still help organise you a hen do she doesn't have to be a bridesmaid for that. She probably won't though out of principle but it's your wedding and they should respect your wishes!

kel12345 · 21/01/2017 10:25

You don't have to have them no. We didn't have a big wedding with loads of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Dh's closest friend was his best man and my closest friend was my bridesmaid - they were also our witnesses. Worked much better for us.

kel12345 · 21/01/2017 10:26

WanderingNotLost · 21/01/2017 22:43

I've got 5 bridesmaids. To me it's not just about them helping you, it's a way of acknowledging that they're important women in your life. I asked the 5 friends who have been there for me when I needed them. One is organising my hen do and I know it's important to her to make it a good one (I've been as unfussy about it as possible- I'm determined not to be a bridezilla) on the day they'll be wrangling my mother helping me with my dress, keeping me tidy for pics etc, getting people on the dance floor. In terms of dresses I've picked the colour and length but said they can have whichever style they feel happiest in.

gallicgirl · 21/01/2017 22:52

I didn't have any bridesmaids but walked down the aisle with my daughter.

We had a very small wedding away from the area we live in so friends understood they weren't invited. I did have a hen party locally but to be honest, it was just a good excuse for a night out with friends.

The only thing I would advise, is have someone you trust around on the day to help you get ready. I had my mum.

kel12345 · 21/01/2017 23:03

Sorry not sure why it posted twice

AllBellyandBoobs · 21/01/2017 23:13

I didn't have any. Asked my SIL to help me do my dress up and asked friends and brother to be witnesses.

umberellaonesie · 21/01/2017 23:16

Having been a bridesmaid for someone who shouldn't have had any. ( the girls she would have chosen couldn't do it as pregnant. Just had a baby etc etc) unless you have a gut feeling of someone you really want by your side on the day don't have any.
I have never felt so used in my life it was a horrible experience just being the bridesmaid for show.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 21/01/2017 23:23

We had quite a small wedding (less than 40 guests)

I asked one of my oldest friends to be my best woman (bridesmaid didn't really seem to fit her). She didn't have a big froofy frock, and IIRC wore wooden flip-flops as we couldn't find any suitable shoes.

She helped me get ready, came with me in the car to the wedding venue and signed the register. There was no aisle to walk down, we just walked into the room together.

10 yrs later she asked me to return the favour (I think the technical name is Maid of Honour). It was lovely!

Original poster

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 22/01/2017 09:16

You see I'm not from here and travelled a lot. So don't have many local close friends.
I would like to ask a friend from my childhood who lives abroad. She was there when me and h2b met.
But she's abroad.. couldn't help much beforehand ... which I don't mind.
But I can't really do that seen as friend 1 thinks she's my number 1 choice. Probably cause she's my local friend and wouldn't know much of my friends before coming here. Obviously I don't see them much. So it's really tough. I'm not sure what to do here.

OP posts:

eurochick · 22/01/2017 09:26

We didn't have bridesmaids or a best man. We did ask our closest friends to be witnesses and asked one to propose a toast to the bride and groom after dinner as there would be no speeches so they had a role in the day.

Pineapplemilkshake · 22/01/2017 16:22

I'm not having any - I don't see the need and I doubt my friends/sisters would thank me for making them traipse around all day in identical clothes! Instead we are having 2 flower girls, both are nieces. DP is having 4 best men, but that's another story!

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