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Original poster

Father of the bride the only parent recorded

18 replies

MrsCaecilius · 30/08/2016 12:59

I'm just filling out the banns firm for my wedding in December. It's really upset me that the form only records our fathers and makes no reference to our mothers.

My parents divorced when I was two and my farther has lived overseas all my life. He is not coming to the wedding (his choice) so it really irks me that his name is recorders whilst my lovely mum who has been a wonderful parent is airbrushed from history!

Does anyone else feel like that or am I over thinking....

OP posts:

wowbutter · 30/08/2016 13:07

I got married in Scotland, it asked for both parents. So I have no experience of that. But, if you are schooled and upset about how patriarchal and shit the world is sometimes yanbu.

strawberrypenguin · 30/08/2016 13:12

We got round this by having both our mums as our official witnesses so they got recorded too.

Boogers · 30/08/2016 13:17

I absolutely agree. I wasn't in contact with my father at the time we arranged our wedding but I still had to give his occupation for the records, but no mention of my mum, even though she was far senior to my father in terms of job level and always earned more than him when they were married. Gets my goat that in the modern days of wild and wonderful marriage arrangements we still have to refer back to the dad.

Original poster

MrsCaecilius · 30/08/2016 13:25

butter I understood that Scotland were more advanced in this way. If Scotland can embrace female equality then why on earth can't England!

penguin that's a good plan, I will definitely ask my mother to be a witness.

Boogers glad its not just me! I have chosen other significant men in my life (uncle and godfather) to walk me down the aisle and give a speech. But it really annoys me that there is no way round naming my father on these records.

I've mentioned to a couple of people how weird it will be to change my name (personal choice, I know there are strong feelings on the matter) and don't get me started on people saying: "well, you're only leaving your father's name behind".

Am I not a human in my own right??!

OP posts:

MrsHulk · 30/08/2016 13:26

DH didn't name his father on our marriage certificate, and it wasn't an issue. They just left it blank. I suspect it's pretty common as a problem!

MumiTravels · 30/08/2016 13:29

We used both our mums as witnesses

bakeoffcake · 30/08/2016 13:30

YANBU. Iirc this very thing was looked into recently by govt and they decided not to change anything.
My own Dd is getting married next year and she was also angry when she found out my name wouldn't be on the records. Her dad and I are still very much together but the whole thing is just ludicrous. Also we realised the mum doesn't have any part what so ever to play in the church service. So dd has asked if I will be her witness. I'm feel very proud to do that and I'm sure your mum will be too if you ask her. Have a lovely wedding

GreenGoth89 · 30/08/2016 13:33

Is there not a petition going to get this changed?

bakeoffcake · 30/08/2016 13:36

There was one very recently Green but the govt decided not to make any changes.

Original poster

MrsCaecilius · 30/08/2016 13:58

It does seem ridiculous to perpetuate this inequality.

This is a document that goes down in official records. I don't have a problem with my father being on it - he is my father and if I left it blank I would (foolishly) feel as though I were suggesting that I didn't know who my father is... but I am aghast that my mother doesn't get equal billing!

Just feels really wrong.

She will be a witness, which is a nice idea, but I am fuming at the lack of equality.

OP posts:

Fidelia · 30/08/2016 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ratbagcatbag · 30/08/2016 14:21

I left my dads name off on principal.

Fidelia · 30/08/2016 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KickAssAngel · 30/08/2016 14:21

There was a petition about this, but apparently it would be too expensive to change the forms, so Westminster said 'no'.

It's really ridiculous - the mother is the only parent where it can be guaranteed that she is a parent. Makes for more accurate records, but I guess as long as we know which man owns the children, then it's OK.

Original poster

MrsCaecilius · 30/08/2016 14:25

It really does feel ridiculous! I'm happy to have accurate records, so both parents recorded for posterity. Why a man should be deemed more important than a woman is beyond me.

I can see there would be a cost associated with changing things and I'm well aware that we live in an age of austerity. But the fact that Scotland and NI manage it, and that civ marriages record both parents, makes me feel this is an anachronism well overdue for change!!

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 30/08/2016 14:26

Why don't they just have a form with " parent one " and " parent two " ? Then that woudl suit everyone , same or opposite sex couples .

It's not rocket science

KickAssAngel · 30/08/2016 15:25

How do they cope with single sex parents and sperm donors?

DH didn't know the name of his birth father, but had to find out before we could get married.

Kr1stina · 30/08/2016 15:33

Children born after sperm donation have the husband / male partner listed as the father

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