Should I pay for transport/accommodation?

[ParsleyCake]

I live in central Scotland and my wedding will be in Wiltshire. My two best friends seem affronted that I won't be paying for all the guests hotel rooms and providing transport from Scotland. I looked into booking a coach, which comes to £2000 and suggested asking for guests to contribute £50 if they wanted to use it instead of public transport (which costs about £120 for a train ticket I think ) or driving (father in law estimates £150 cost petrol wise). They still seemed unhappy.

My mum says that it's not normal to expect the bride and groom to pay for these things. Who's right?

We are on a tight budget as we have just had a baby but have our heart set on our venue but if people expect us to pay thousands for transport and accommodation I honestly would prefer not to invite guests and just elope. I haven't said this to my friends though. What should I do?

Depends. If all your friends and family are in central Scotland and you're choosing Wiltshire just because you fancy it, I'd expect you to pay. If you have connections and a good reason to have it in Wiltshire, I'd not expect to pay. But I'd also accept that a lot of friends and family would be able to afford to go. Depends how much you want them there.

We paid for transport to and from our venue but not accommodation.

I think your expecting your guests to go a heck of a long way for a wedding.

I think people will travel if they understand why you're having the wedding where you are. If someone's family is there or one of you grew up there, for example. If you've just found a venue that you love, then you either accept not many people will make such a long journey, or help fund some of it.

You're obviously entitled to hold your wedding where you like, but if you can't afford to pay for your friends to get there and they can't afford to attend, it might not be worth it?

I have just returned from a wedding in Cornwall, the guests, bridal party, bride and groom all live a minimum of 5 1/2 hour drive away.
We paid for our own transport and accommodation and I didn't think at any point that this should be provided for us, didn't even cross my mind! We knew where the wedding was when we accepted and felt that it was worth the expense to be there for a good friend on her wedding day.
It was our choice to accept and if we could not have afforded it we would have had to say no. in the end we managed to make it into a mini break with a wedding in the middle!
However, as Anchor states...if lots of people who you would like to have there are unable to attend because of money you might want to rethink location if it is important to you to have them there.

If you can't afford it you can't afford it. Similarly, though, you should expect that a lot of people cannot go to a wedding so far away.

If the venue is what's most important to you, then I'd elope as you suggested.

If you can't afford it, chances are your guests can't afford it either. It's not usual for the bride and groom to pay for travel or accommodation for guests, but where the wedding is a long way for most people to travel it's a big ask for every guest to shell out lots of extra time and money to attend your wedding just because you like a particular venue.

It's courteous to figure out some travel and accommodation options for your guests to suit various budgets. They might be better off flying to Bristol from Glasgow (or wherever you are) and travelling onwards from there.

Depends on why you're getting married in Wiltshire and how much you want your guests there.

I've just looked and EasyJet fly between Glasgow and Bristol for less than £30 each way...? There are probably some cheap hotels near the airport too. Or if you're the other end of Wilshire, Flybe go from Glasgow to Southampton from about £40 each way.

I think the thing with the coach is that unless you fill it, you'll still be out of pocket.

'I've just looked and EasyJet fly between Glasgow and Bristol for less than £30 each way...? '

DD2 and I travelled this flight back in April. It was still, with tax and ad-ones (seats together), about £60-odd return. And then, if the wedding is not in Bristol (is that not Somerset?), there are transport costs outside of that plus accommodation. That could easily cost a couple several hundred pounds. A lot of people don't have that kind of money to spend on a wedding.

Your mum is right you've invited them somewhere they either decide to go or they don't. They sound incredibly rude.