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Original poster

Wedding guest dilemma

20 replies

victoria8314 · 20/03/2016 17:33

I've been invited on a very expensive and lavish hen party abroad for what I thought was one of my close friends. The costs are spiralling and all in it looks to be costing about 700 pp. I agreed to go and have been budgeting, and to be honest declining other social events so I can afford it.Had my invite through and was shocked to see it's an evening reception invite only. I'll will be the only person on the hen party who is not invited to the day do. At first I assumed it was a mistake but I'm quite sure it isn't. Pretty gutted that B2B didn't even give me a heads up. What are people's thoughts on this I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:
VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 20/03/2016 17:36

Are you asking whether to pull out of the hen party, the wedding or both?
Personally I wouldn't go to a hen costing £700 unless I had the money easily to spare. If the wedding is also going to cost £££ I'd choose the wedding or neither tbh. No shame in declining an evening do invite if it's costing ££, it's different if it's your local town.

Vix2222 · 20/03/2016 17:39

Asking about the hen, to be honest it's it money I have spare and I'm really cost cutting to go as I feel bad that I haven't properly seen B2B enough recently due to some health issues with my husband so I really wanted to make the effort. The costs have spiralled too, the wedding isn't local either so that would need to be an overnight stay.

SmallBee · 20/03/2016 17:40

If the hen do hasn't been booked yet then to be honest I'd pull out of it. £700 is an awful lot of money and if you go abroad you have to accept that not everyone can afford it.

DoreenLethal · 20/03/2016 17:43

Yeah, not so close then eh? So I'd be keeping my money in all honesty. Including staying at home for the evening event.

Vix2222 · 20/03/2016 17:44

Unfortunately I've already paid the non refundable bits, I'm just now wondering if I should save the money I was going to spend for the remaining bits and spending money and just cut my losses on the money paid. I'm pretty hurt that she couldn't speak to me about the situation and I'm really not looking forward to being the only person there not considered close enough to be a guest.

Sparkletastic · 20/03/2016 17:48

I would decline hen and wedding

eddielizzard · 20/03/2016 17:50

i wouldn't go to either. i think this evening only invitation stuff is awful.

Sunshine87 · 20/03/2016 17:53

Just ask her? Say the money you were paying towards the hen and having to travel down to stay over isn't worth attending an evening do and quite sad she didnt see you as an important enough friend to share in the full celebrations not just part.

StealthPolarBear · 20/03/2016 17:55

Are you sure it's not an oversight

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/03/2016 17:55

I'd consider evening invite as a knock down, and pull out of hen do.

Must be gutting, I'm sorry op.

Sunshine87 · 20/03/2016 17:55

I don't think people should have evening dos when they choose a venue far away that people require accomdation for it should be an all day thing.

Vix2222 · 20/03/2016 18:01

Thanks all I do appreciate the advice. I don't think it is an oversight either unfortunately. I do need to speak to her I'm just dreading it. To be honest thought maybe I was overreacting with feeling hurt but I'm going to have to bite the bullet and speak to her.

ClearEyesFullHeartsCantLose · 20/03/2016 18:17

I'd personally decline both. No way would I be spending £700 and paying for a night in a hotel for an evening invite.

We had evening-only guests when we got married 15 years ago but it was fairly common then where we live. Everyone was invited to the service (as that's the most important bit anyway - and actually the part of the day I enjoyed the most) and some came, some didn't. A lot of the evening guests were people like my DH's colleagues from work - not close friends but kind of the done thing to invite to at least part of the day. No-way would we have ever invited someone to only the evening if they weren't local though. No chance!

I think she's being pretty cheeky actually and it would make me rethink the friendship a bit. I wonder if she planned the hen and invited you before she had drawn up the guest list and has now had to downsize. Even so however, in my opinion hen/stag invitees are your closest of the closest friends so it is pretty weird to then only get an evening invite!

Decline, decline, decline!!!

Fluffy24 · 20/03/2016 18:25

I'd not go to either I think - in my book 'friends' go for the day, ,'acquaintances' go just to the evening...

Vix2222 · 20/03/2016 18:25

TBH I think I was originally an all day guest. I've had some family matters this year and also a DH on the brink of being unemployed so money was going on bills and not social events which I think has had something to do with it, I could be wrong but I know how she operates. You live and learn.

lovefairylights · 20/03/2016 18:44

I'd probably cut my losses on the money already spent and decline both.
Would send apologies and depending on her reaction - if ok, would still send card and gift, but if she turns on you then would skip that as well.
Doesn't sound like a great friend - you're low on her radar so chances are its already cooling off as a friendship whether or not you turn up to the hen do or wedding.

twentiethcenturybitch · 20/03/2016 19:00

I too agree with cutting your losses. No way I'd be spending 700 on a hen for a friend not close enough to invite me to the day. How much would you lose though?

Saying that I've nothing against evening invites in principle. I think, as a previous poster said, they play a useful role for inviting colleagues & less close friends to join you for a nice party, who you wouldn't otherwise have been able to afford/accommodate.

Leeds2 · 21/03/2016 19:08

I wouldn't go to the hen do, unless it was s something I particularly wanted to do. I also think it is a bit mean of the bride to invite only one hen who is only invited to the evening do.

I would still go to the evening do though, if it was convenient and affordable.

oneowlgirl · 02/05/2016 14:38

Did you get sorted Op? Seems very mean spirited of your friend & id definitely not be going to the hen party.

OTheHugeManatee · 02/05/2016 14:44

Who the fuck does she think she is having a hen event with 'day' and 'evening only' attendees? Especially where the guests have to travel to attend Shock

Tell her to shove it.

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