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Original poster

tiny wedding, awkward family

15 replies

yougotafastcar · 08/09/2014 11:51

So i posted the other day asking for advice on my lovely wedding day in 2016. But now I've realised it is completely stupid to spend all that money (well try and save it) when we cant afford to send dc1 to nursery (which he really needs) we have dc2 due in march so will need to buy baby things and I can't drive so will be a struggle to do things with them both.

I feel sad because I really want to marry dp. I dont care how, I would happily have a winter wedding with just our parents, however the problem is our awkward family situation. DPs mum and dad dont get on and neither do mine. I dont want a really awkward intimate meal after the ceremony with everyone only talking to us and I dont want the DCs to have to "choose" a grandparent either.

What do we do?!

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/09/2014 11:52

Just pick a witness each and go to the Registry Office.

Thats what my folks did. I was five, and they just wanted an intimate occasion.

Whereisegg · 08/09/2014 11:54

If you honestly believe that these people can't put aside their differences for a few hours, then you pick a couple of friends each to be your witnesses.
Or maybe a little wedding abroad would be affordable this far ahead?

Original poster
yougotafastcar · 08/09/2014 11:57

I think they could put it aside so they wont argue but they just wont talk to each other instead! I'm a only child and would feel sad for my dad if he never got to walk me down the aisle. Was thinking maybe we have the ceremony but nothing afterwards? Just feels like a bit of a anti climax.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 08/09/2014 11:57

If they can't suck it up and be polite for one meal, I'd do random (well, MN as is traditional) witnesses, and a really lovely meal for you and dh after.

Original poster
yougotafastcar · 08/09/2014 11:58

Did consider a wedding abroad but then they'd have to put up with each other even longer then a day Grin

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/09/2014 12:00

Ceremony with both parents, have them take the dcs for the night after it and you and dh find a lovely restaurant with rooms for your wedding night

Original poster
yougotafastcar · 08/09/2014 12:10

That sounds better!

OP posts:
Whereisegg · 08/09/2014 12:48

I wasn't suggesting your family came to the wedding abroad Grin

Original poster
yougotafastcar · 08/09/2014 13:05

Haha that sounds even better! As tempting as it is, I think my mum and dad would be gutted Sad

OP posts:
kaykayblue · 08/09/2014 13:43

I think it is a real shame not to have parents are the ceremony unless there are really strong underlying problems in the relationship.

In this instance, I would suggest that you invite your family to the ceremony, and have that as a family only affair.

For the reception, you could organise an evening out in a bar/restaurant with friends.

You could couch it in terms of sending out an e-mail to your friends, rather than a formal invitation, and saying that instead of gifts or cards, you would prefer for people to just cover the cost of their meal and drinks, and spend a nice evening with you.

if you wanted to, you could whack a bit of money behind the bar for people in your group - you would need to speak to the bar to see if there was a way of doing this

That way, if you want your parents to come they will have other people to speak with, or alternatively, they could leave you to it and head home, having been included in the ceremony.

Original poster
yougotafastcar · 08/09/2014 14:08

That does sound a good idea, but we dont actually have any friends!

OP posts:
Whereisegg · 08/09/2014 16:12

MN'ers would fill you a venue Grin

ArrivedAtPanicStation · 08/09/2014 20:04

Hi OP, We're having a Christmas wedding and much the same as you, my mum and dad don't get on, haven't spoken in 7 years, I fear my DF would use it as an excuse to see DM who he clearly isn't over.

We were originally going to sneak off and do it but DPs mum just would be so upset, so we're allowing just the mums and our DDs to come.

We've been dwelling on it since we got engaged last year, and it's just the only way that we really want to do it.

I told my dad last week and he didn't seem to care at all, so much so that it's like it's not even happening.

DP is telling his parents on the 11th, when he sees them.

Just do what is right for you, it is YOUR day.

(I know how stressful it is with a broken family + wedding though)

Original poster
yougotafastcar · 09/09/2014 10:19

Egg Grin

thanks arrived, so glad someone else understands! Told my mum yesterday that we are cancelling the big wedding, she is worried its not what I want but is happy whatever. I just want to marry DP I'm so excited about that!

We have decided we might do parents and step parents, grandparents and brothers sisters. Few more then I wanted but it would make it easier actually and DP wants his brother and sister there. Someone is still taking the kids for us to have a weekend away though!

OP posts:
ArrivedAtPanicStation · 11/09/2014 21:11

How you getting on with your planning OP?

DP has been to tell his parents tonight, his dad was brilliant. Said it was a good idea not to spend a fortune on it, whatever makes us happy etc.

His mum however isn't happy. She's saying she can't make the date. (it's 3 MONTHS ahead. And it's just 1 day)

I'm feelings cross that we've even involved them. wish we had snuck off with a couple of random for witnesses!

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