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Original poster

Thank you card for rude couple?

25 replies

peeveddoesntcoverit · 28/04/2014 13:04

I got married three weeks ago and had an amazing day! We've just ordered our thank you cards.
However, we had one couple who quite offended me and I really don't want to send them a card. But it feels rude not to as they're quite close family.
The both RSVPd yes, but only one turned up as the other had been given the chance to work a few hours of overtime and get double-time. They didn't tell us this before the day.
The other person turned up for the ceremony, didn't speak to anyone, and then just left immediately after without saying goodbye.
So they left us with one of our tables at the reception with a big gap in it, and haven't made any attempt to contact us to apologise afterwards. It was a small wedding so their absence was noticeable. Especially as they're close family.
Do I bother sending them a thank you card?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 28/04/2014 13:10

Thank you cards are for folk who came (maybe is also specifically about gifts when you mention the gift).

I'd send them one thanking them for the gift and saying how sorry you were that they couldn't join you for the wedding breakfast.

Original poster

peeveddoesntcoverit · 28/04/2014 13:12

There was no gift. Just a card.

But you're right, they did attend the ceremony and that's the important bit.

OP posts:

Roshbegosh · 28/04/2014 13:12

Were they generous with the gift?

Roshbegosh · 28/04/2014 13:13

Cross post. Don't think I would bother to thank them since they were rude and there was no gift.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 28/04/2014 13:15

I wouldn't send one as there wasn't a gift. I don't mean that to sound grasping, just don't know what you would be thanking them for.

BigW · 28/04/2014 13:16

I would just send the thank you card. I had a similar thing at my wedding, I just sent one saying thank you for your good wishes, sorry you were not able to help us celebrate - or something like that.

Original poster

peeveddoesntcoverit · 28/04/2014 13:16

That's what I thought TheWomanTheyCallJayne. If I was to unleash my inner bridezilla I'd send them one but include an invoice for the food and drink that went to waste. Well, the food, no drink went to waste! ;-)

OP posts:

meditrina · 28/04/2014 13:21

I would only write thank you letters for presents.

There is I need to thank people for coming. Indeed it's the other way round - guests should write thank you letters to the "official" hosts (ie whoever's name the invitation was sent under, possibly bride's parents) who then pass them on to the actual marrying couple (who possibly/probably did all the work of organisation, so the letter needs t be worded to fit that).

Quinteszilla · 28/04/2014 13:23

If they did not bring a present, but opted to work for double pay, I think I would take that as a massive hint of their situation, be the bigger person and send a nice card thanking for the presence and the well wishes.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 28/04/2014 13:29

I agree with Quint.

Close family members, picking double pay over wedding, no gift, and the remaining person leaving before the bar opened - therefore not spending any money?

Big flag there!!

Original poster

peeveddoesntcoverit · 28/04/2014 13:36

You're right, I'll send them one. I appreciate weddings are expensive to attend and I didn't expect a gift at all. If they'd stayed though, they would have realised we'd put on free buses to the reception and back into the city centre, a massive meal and there was loads and loads of free drink around.
For me, it's just a shame I couldn't spend the day with them. And calling/emailing me a day or two before to tell me one couldn't attend wouldn't have cost them anything.

OP posts:

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 28/04/2014 13:38

Perhaps they were embarrassed?
Might have thought that they wouldn't be missed?

Original poster

peeveddoesntcoverit · 28/04/2014 13:42

Not sure what they'd be embarrassed about.
I could understand thinking you'd not be missed in the evening when the dancing and drinking starts, but they both knew it was a sit-down meal with a table plan.
And when my side of the family only had 12 people on it, 2 people is a lot.

But I'll send the card anyway. It's only a card!

OP posts:

PurplePidjin · 28/04/2014 13:50

Thank you cards are for gifts, surely?!

cowsarescary · 28/04/2014 13:53

Se3nd a card thanking them for their 'unique contribution to the day'.

EverythingCounts · 28/04/2014 13:56

Seriously, do people send thank yous for guests just showing up? Surely if you want to thank them for their good wishes, you'd do it verbally, at the time when they, er, give you their good wishes? A wedding thank you is to thank people for their gift, which you presumably won't have known about or opened at the time.

OP I don't think a thank you is remotely necessary for these people. Unless you want to send them a card saying 'sorry you didn't bother to take advantage of the free bar, meal and company' I wouldn't bother.

MrsDeVere · 28/04/2014 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 28/04/2014 14:00

I was just trying to make the OP see that this might not have been about her, or the wedding.

However, if they are close family, likely to see the cards other family members receive, it's only going to exacerbate their feelings about being skint, iyswim. If that's why they went?

Original poster

peeveddoesntcoverit · 28/04/2014 14:00

I've no idea! I've never been married before. I thought thank you cards were for everybody who came and/or bought a gift. But I'm thinking that maybe that isn't the case now...

OP posts:

MerryInthechelseahotel · 28/04/2014 14:03

This? Or is it a bit harsh?

Original poster

peeveddoesntcoverit · 28/04/2014 14:04

OP posts:

iK8 · 28/04/2014 14:11

No gift, no card.

Incidentally my autocorrect would like to write "no gift, no canard"

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 28/04/2014 15:43

That's just quackers iK8

If you send a card as a thank you for a card do they then have to send a car as a thank you for that card...

iK8 · 28/04/2014 21:10

thewoman

MaxDeronto · 24/05/2014 12:49

Its a good idea of giving thank you card to your guests but i can't understand why you give to only rude guests..if you are giving than give it to all it will look good and mannered.

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