Wedding day- benefit of hindsight?

[BetteDavis01]

I'm getting married this summer and I'm fretting about everything! I have only been to about three weddings in my entire life and I feel a bit out if my depth really as I'm organising it all myself.

I s'pose I'm looking for advice & tips on how to enjoy my day and to get the most our of it. I'm worrying about the photographer messing up and my car arriving late.

Sorry if my post is a bit jumbled but I'm just looking for wisdom and your benefit of hindsight. Thank you.

Don't over complicate things, take time to look around you and take it all in on the day - it all happens fast (or seems like it) make sure best man & bridesmaids are on the ball for any minor hiccups and leave it all in their capable hands.
Relax and enjoy your day (and this lead up to it) it will all be fine. At the end of the day as long as you end up married to the person you love the rest of it doesn't really matter anyway does it?

In hindsight I wish I'd told the photographer more what I wanted. Also I remember oddly missing DH that day as once the service was over and we were back at the venue he went his way to talk to guests as did I. So I would say try and build in if you can 1/2 hour (after everyone has had some food!) just you and your new DH.

Worry about the stuff you have control over, don't waste energy and nerves on stuff you can do nothing about, such as cars being late, rain, MIL's choice of hat .
I am getting hitched in 7 days (yay for me), and be as prepared as you can be for the rest.
I have been lucky (stealth boast) as my DP has been heavily involved and organised an awful lot of it leaving me to sort bridesmaids and me and not a lot else.
Personally, we made the guests attending our focus. We believe in being good hosts and that doesn't mean going bonkers, it just means showing consideration for their needs (ensuring baby change and bottle warming facilities are available, or that the music isn't too loud and bonkers at the early part for the oldies, choosing a venue where drinks prices are not exorbitant ). Of course, it could still turn out terrible, but we know we have done out best.

Okay, best things I think we did:

Free bar
Lovely food
After party
After-after party ;-)
Spend a fortune on tea lights and less on flowers
Good photographer
Forgot favours - have never met any guest of ours who noticed

Things I think we did less well:

We didn't invite older children as we didn't know any except cousin's kids we hadn't met. We did have babies etc. Now think we should have been "more the merrier".

Didn't invite a couple of lovely new friends due to cost. Wish now we had as they are still friends!

Wish we had got canapés during photos as well as main meal and bacon sandwiches. Everyone got very drunk!!!

Thanks for the messages, very helpful x

Ex wedding coordinator here

Stop. Take a moment in the day, perhaps a few minutes after you walk down the aisle. Just stop. Take a moment, smell the air, look around, hold his hand and try and crystallise it all in your mind. Remember. The problem is that the sun rises and sets and its all over. So enjoy every moment

I've had two weddings which were both sit-down meals - with hindsight I would have a buffet as it's much more relaxed and allows people to spend as much time as they like with people they like.

I would definitely have considered a bring-and-share/bring a plate buffet - the food would be nicer and it's just generally a lovely thing to do.

I married in a register office both times for various reasons but at the time the latest appointments I could get on a Saturday were 11.30am or thereabouts. With hindsight I would either have gone for a religious wedding or a civil wedding at a venue much later in the day - a lot more civilised for people travelling to get there.

However, I'm glad I didn't go for a barbecue or hog roast as you are then stressing about the weather, and I'm glad I never had a child-free wedding though I bet some of my guests wish I had. I'm also glad I spent a lot of time working out the flow of events so that guests were never stranded anywhere without somewhere to sit down/get a drink for more than five or ten minutes.

What I'd change (wasn't on MN when we got married)

• not ask for cash as a wedding present
• invite children (although this was a budgetary constraint I feel sad about it now)
• have less formal photos done and more natural 'reportage' style

I learnt that none of it really matters. As long as you and your husband to be are there the rest can go to hell. And this is from a bridezilla who was so stressed in the build I'm surprised my h2b didn't flee.

However, on the day itself I didn't care that the photographer was very very very late or that the flowers hadn't turned up (they had arrived and were sitting in a huge box in my room but I was too zen to notice!). I just wanted to get married.

Even the wee fire started by a tea light made me laugh and I quickly got over fact that due to a tiny cut on my ring finger and the 30° heat I couldn't actually get my wedding ring on cos it had swollen so in my photos my ring is on my little finger!

Just remember to enjoy your wedding (limit your alcohol intake so you can remember it all).

Congratulations!

Oh yes, in particular I would not throw such a heavy bouquet that I hit a guest painfully on the head. Either have a very light bouquet or a very 'ladylike' throw [still cringe at the memory years later].

Don't get any flowers in a pretty vase in the preparation room (where the bride gets ready). Waste of money.
Honestly, my only regret.

Remember, if anything goes wrong its not the wedding that's important, it's the marriage.

Don't be bullied into inviting great aunt Edna's next door neighbour, just surround yourself with the people you want to celebrate with.

If you can, grab half an hour with your new DH, we did on our wedding day and it was lovely after all the stress to just take a breath together and have a hug.

I got married last week.

Best things -

• children dancing.
• splashing out on a great photographer
• traditional meal (pate/roast/cheesecake) well presented but not pretentious
• No favours
• No gifts
• typing up a schedule and contacts list and giving a copy to photographer, venue, MOH. Left them to keep everything on track, I didn't have to worry about any of the detail on the day.
• concentrating on loving my new husband and having a good time.

What would I change? Nothing.

Write down every single step for the day. It will show up gaps.

We had loads of dc of guests at our wedding as its a family event and they are family! Plus I quite liked all the children dancing and having fun in party dresses etc:)

Get someone to wander round and ask people to say something and have it filmed. Make sure someone on the day is the organiser, not you. A good friend or relative who knows everyone and will help with getting people sitting down etc. and getting rid of drunks:)

We sat at a table with our best friends and let the pils have their own table and mine. Then seated everyone so they knew people- at weddings family like to reconnect, not make small talk with strangers.

Smile all the time. There will always be a camera trained on you:)

We had a great photographer.. we had a practice photo session 6 weeks before wedding... gave us chance to be comfortable with photographer, and for him to know which photos we liked, and which we didnt. Really glad we did that .

Do what you want... and don't do what you dont want to... DH was dreading the first dance all the way through the day. If I had known how much he was dreading it , I wouldnt have had a first dance.. it is the only thing I would have changed.