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Original poster

Regretted your bridesmaid choices?

19 replies

CuppaSarah · 16/08/2013 17:27

Hello, DP and I have just decided to get married, so I'm totally new to this board. I'm not sure if this has been asked a million times before or not so please bare with me.

We're having a small wedding, meaning I can't choose as many of my friends/family to be bridesmaids as I had wanted. So I was wondering if to help me out, you could tell me if you had any regrets in who you chose?

That way I can hopefully get rid of some of my guilt in telling my good friends they can't be bridesmaids.

OP posts:

Kahlua4me · 16/08/2013 17:29

I had my lifelong best friend. We have been friends since we were 4 and it had never occurred to me to have any one else.
A few other really close friends had other "roles" all very relaxed though. No bridezilla here!

BettyandDon · 16/08/2013 17:32

I had none. It was a nightmare doing everything myself to be honest and I wouldn't recommend it.

Go for someone reliable who will not let you down or cancel things.

purpleroses · 16/08/2013 17:35

I've asked my DD and my two soon-to-be DSDs. So no adult bridesmaids at all. But I've asked my DSis to do some of the behind the scenes stuff like helping me choose a dress, etc. I've not asked my niece, as 4 would seem a bit much, but have discussed this with DSis, who thinks she'll be fine about it as she doesn't much like being the centre of attention. Wondering if there's anything little I could get her to wear to make up. Hoping it all works OK - like you we've only just got engaged so afraid I'm too soon to tell you whether I'll end up with any regrets.

I don't really have any adult friends who I think are desperate to be bridesmaids though.

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 16/08/2013 17:35

I'm thinking of just having my DSis and my SIL. Can't go wrong with family, they're stuck with you. SIL is pretty laid back and DSis is very stylish and frugal, so we should be alright.

I have 3 friends I would really like to ask though. I have one I have been friends with since I was 7. One who has been a big part in my life the last few years. One who is an invaluable pillar of support.

I really can't ask for just one of them without asking the others. I'm wracked with guilt, so I figured I'd just stick to family.

OP posts:

purpleroses · 16/08/2013 17:36

Betty - can I ask you what things you needed more help with?

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 16/08/2013 17:37

I forgot to add, I'm the only one in my friendship group that will be getting married probably in at least the next 5 years. So there's quite a bit of pressure in that sense.

OP posts:

YoniBottsBumgina · 16/08/2013 17:42

I want just my sister and cousin, and then my half-sister as a flower girl/junior bridesmaid.

Friend muscled in and demanded to be made maid of honour and I didn't really care so said okay, whatever. But TBH I don't really want a maid of honour and was happy to keep it to family because I don't really have a "best friend". Also, DP reckons that his nieces will really want to be bridesmaids also, which takes the total up to six Seems ridiculous to me.

We are now thinking of eloping and having a party later which would be a huge sigh of relief for me to avoid the whole walking down the aisle scenario altogether, but I feel a bit guilty about that idea since my little sister is apparently obsessed with the idea of weddings and will be really excited at the idea of being a junior bridesmaid. I've already asked her and everything. :( So feel torn now.

tumbletumble · 16/08/2013 17:44

If I were you I'd have the three friends. Nothing wrong with 3 bridesmaids. Your sister and SIL can have other roles in the service (doing a reading? Witnessing you signing the register?).

I guess my reasoning would be that your sister and SIL will always be in your life, but friends may drift away and this kind of thing helps to cement a friendship.

My best friend emigrated to Australia 8 years ago. It's possible we'd have lost touch by now, but being each other's bridesmaids confirmed how important we are to each other and we both make a big effort to stay in touch.

PaperPomPom · 16/08/2013 17:54

I had my best friend and another friend. One was great, one kind of pointless in a functional way.

My sister didn't want to be one so she did all the other things - reading, hen organising, helped me with setting up and was my super organised person in the know on the day.

LondonInHighHeeledBoots · 18/08/2013 11:01

I went a bit mental and wound up with 8. I wish I had a sister, then I would have had much less! I went for 4 cousins (the youngest per family) a second cousin who's mum was fantastic when I was little, 2 Brest friends and my SIL. I wish now I'd left out the friends, they wouldn't have been that offended, especially if the others were family, and my life would have been much easier and cheaper over the last 2 years, one in particular is a pain in the bum about wedding stuff.

ask your fronds to do readings? still involved but not bridesmaids. you could even give them corsages? but that might be a little bit 'second class bridesmaids'!

congratulations on your engagement.

LondonInHighHeeledBoots · 18/08/2013 11:02

*best friends, not breast friends. teach me not to check!

BreasticlesNTesticles · 18/08/2013 11:04

I only had family children as couldn't pick between my friends.

I did get them special corsages though, and asked two of them to do readings, and 1 of them organised the hen do - she offered.

HappyAsASandboy · 18/08/2013 11:14

I didn't have any bridesmaids, and wedding have a best man either :) It was just the two of us, with all of our friends and family in support.

I found it kept things simpler. We didn't have other people to dress (just did men's suits for DH and the two fathers) and I bought my dress with my mum.

I didn't find that I needed bridesmaids to help. For the things I wanted help with, I asked my friends and family. My sister did a reading, my SIL made the cake, my friend did a reading, two other friends chose lots of music, two BIL were ushers to help seat people, both families mucked in the day before to set up marquee etc. I don't think people need a role in the bridal party to be willing to help with a wedding.

Ask whoever you want to ask. If you later drift apart from them does it matter? When you look back at your wedding pictures you'll be surrounded by people who meant something to you at the time. IMO it doesn't matter if those people are not lifelong friends, as you are bound to make and lose many friendships over the course of your life :)

madme · 19/08/2013 00:01

How many guests are you having? Maybe you can get away with having 5 BMs? It sounds like you are inviting friends perhaps it's not a tiny wedding?

I had four BMs. It was an easy choice for me - my three best friends and DH's sister.

From a logical point of view, and having been a BM a few times and gotten married myself, the biggest things they do is organise the hen do and get ready with you on the morning. During the actual wedding, it's really just carrying your lipstick and maybe helping put your train up. So from a practical perspective, you probably only need one BM. I think people have so many these days as it's an honour to be asked, rather than that they are necessary. The costs can also really add up so that is another thing to think about. Sorry to be a bit pessimistic!

momb · 21/08/2013 22:35

All my bridesmaids/giver-awayers are my daughters/stepdaughters, who are lovely, will wear their dresses, get me down the aisle and look fab, but they are no help to bounce ideas off and come up with mad/genius ideas on the party front. hence I have a Best Woman: she won't have a special dress (maybe a corsage), but is my go-to girl for squeezing (even in my mid-forties) and chatting about wedding stuff so I don't bore the whole world. Honestly, she should have been a wedding coordinator she is so into it!
I suppose what I (and Betty) are saying is that it is good to have someone to share the process with. My impression though is that just because someone is BM doesn't mean they want the whole support/pre-wedding role, so either pick none or be prepared to accept that many BMs won't want to engage on your wedding as much as you do.

momb · 21/08/2013 22:39

That was 'SQUEEING'. I don't squeeze her much!!

Tommy · 21/08/2013 22:45

I had my niece and my god-daughter. They were both 6 and all they had to do was look pretty.
My sister walked me down the aisle and was not a bridesmaid but pretty much did what an adult bridesmaid would have done.
I think adult bridesmaids in matching dresses all look a bit TBH

aufaniae · 30/09/2013 01:17

Why can't you ask all of them, I don't understand?

KalevalaForMePlease · 30/09/2013 01:35

I'd go with your sister, and sil. The more people you have, the more people you have to please. Like a pp said, maybe ask them to do things during the day, like a reading or something, to keep them involved. Congratulations, and have a wonderful day!

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