Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Flip

Original poster

civil vs church wedding

12 replies

learningaswego · 30/01/2013 12:52

Wedding booked for June, have reception sorted at nice hotel. They offer civil ceremonies in a nice room (long link to picture of room at bottom of message) but my only concern about the room is that it might be a bit squashed. Rival is a nearby pretty church.

Boyfriend isn't religious and I am passive. Probably would prefer the content of a civil ceremony but the church is a larger venue that would hold our guests more comfortably (and is much prettier). Also with an army of bridesmaids (5 adult and 3 flower girls -- have lots of siblings) a bigger venue might be grander rather than us all queuing down the aisle.

What would/ have you guys chosen for your weddings? why?

OP posts:

littlemissengaged · 30/01/2013 15:19

were having a civil ceremony as the church id want is a 50 minute drive away from our venue

AKissIsNotAContract · 30/01/2013 15:21

We are having a civil ceremony as neither of us are religious.

Are you prepared to attend church and lie to the priest to get your church wedding?

BabyRoger · 30/01/2013 15:29

We had a civil ceremony as we are not religious and do not attend church.

sooperdooper · 30/01/2013 15:31

If neither of you are religious it won't be as simple as saying, 'I'd like to get married in your pretty church that's big enough to fit my guests in' :)

You'll probably have to attend church for about 6 months minumum, you may have to do a marriage preparation course at the church, they might only agree to marry couples if one or both of you have been christened

We got married in a church, but only because my DH is catholic and it was the only thing he was bothered about in the whole day, they only agreed as he'd been christened though, because I never was

scaevola · 30/01/2013 15:35

You can marry out of parish in CofE at priest's discretion. Usually discretion is exercised towards those with a connexion to the Parish (former residents, wider family connexion). Any of those apply to you, OP? For they are likely to be more persuasive than 'it's pretty and you can fit more people in'c

Also, some parishes insist on a pre-wedding course for religious marriage. Might be worth establishing early on what the norm is for this church, and if you are happy to comply.

MrsHoarder · 30/01/2013 15:46

We had a church wedding, I was passive, DH is religious.

You may have to promise to bring any children of the marriage up in that religion (and agree to have children), attend marriage classes and be an active member of the congregation. Its not just a pretty venue.

MortifiedAdams · 30/01/2013 15:50

We had our ceremony at the Hotel as we are both atheist. What matters more? I think churches are beautiful.but couldn't stand and lie on my wedding day just to have a pretty venue.

TwoCatsAndABabyBump · 30/01/2013 15:53

We had a civil ceremony. I'm not religious, DH classes himself as Christian but never goes to church. I felt it would be hypocritical ofme to declare my love to my DH in front of god when I don't really believe.

2 sets of our friends had church weddings, had to attend Sunday service at least 4 weeks before the ceremonies, speak to the priest etc. neither set have stepped foot in a church since.

KatAndKit · 30/01/2013 16:12

I am also having a civil ceremony. It was hard to find somewhere large enough but we looked around and found a nice country house. We are both non-believers and it would have been very hypocritical to have a religious wedding, especially if it involved playing at being a Christian for months beforehand.

Original poster

learningaswego · 30/01/2013 19:39

superdooper it was that easy, I called up the vicar and asked and he said if you attend for 6 months (every other week or so) then he'd be happy to. I wouldn't be "playing christian" as I am agnostic/christian, I've just had difficulty digesting the problem with women bishops and gay marriage. By describing myself as passive I meant I would be happy at either venue, not that I am a non believer. Dd was christened our local church, this other one was recommended to us by the hotel as it is 2min walk and does many of their weddings - 43 last year (significant income to help them survive no doubt)

My discomfort with church just comes from their definition of marriage being man and woman and hearing my boyfriend make the vows in a god's name which he doesn't believe in... he's said he wouldn't mind on the basis of how lovely the church is, and he feels it would mean a lot to his family.

My discomfort with a civil is our venue has a lovely reception but the room for the civil ceremony might be a bit of a squeeze fitting everyone in...

(Initially we had planned on smaller wedding but I'm sure many of you know how easily things spiral and we have more guests than anticipated)

Hope this clarifies my motives better, but i'm sure the damage was done as soon as I described the church as pretty! Cheers all for replies, I do take them on board and think my boyfriend and I will just have to have some more serious chats and discussions.

OP posts:

Bue · 30/01/2013 22:26

My DH is agnostic probably bordering on atheist and I am Anglican in a 'not very religious but very tied to the culture and tradition' way. We had a church wedding since it was really important to me (and definitely preferred by our mothers!). DH doesn't regret it at all, he was initially pretty against a church wedding but in fact he loved the ceremony. I think we both appreciated the history and the beauty of the vows, readings and hymns. And let's be honest - churches are usually prettier and the aisles are grander

LaminateFlaw · 31/01/2013 22:09

We were initially planning on having a civil ceremony just because of location. It was only when we almost got the point of decision and realised it wouldn't be right for either if us if it wasn't a church wedding.

Due to some sad circumstances we didn't feel we could marry in our parish church. Our priest has agreed to marry us in the church in the next parish but as we don't live in it we still need to attend for six months.

Flip