Getting married and TTC

[DulcetMoans]

I got engaged recently but we were already trying to conceive. If we have been successful this month the it would be an April baby but we were looking at getting married in July. This would be our first child so I am not sure what to expect from a 3mnth old baby, do you think it is crazy to have a wedding with a 3mnth old? Or does it sound possible?

If we don't catch it this month we will possibly have a break from TTC to allow the wedding to take place in July but it's still up in the air!

I guess it depends what kind of wedding you envisage. Some would say you were barking, others that it's perfectly possible.

I'm wrangling over when to start TTC with our May 2013 wedding in mind. It would be brilliant to announce the pregnancy at the wedding at 13 weeks or so, but then I think about the 50 bottles of NZ sauvignon blanc I've got stored in the garage for our wedding and I'm at the thought of not being able to drink any!! not to mention all the unpasturised cheese

Congratulations on your engagement, you must be delighted! We thought about ttc when we got engaged as I had been told it'd be very difficult if not impossible to get preggers but we decided to hold off till after the wedding. Since I got pregnant after 2.5 weeks of trying, I'm bloody glad we did.

Our wee lad at 3 months old was very portable and probably could have managed at a wedding provided there was a grandparent on hand to put them down for naps when they needed it. And how cute they would be all dressed up.

That said, my figure was much better on my wedding day than it was when ds was 3 months old, I got to enjoy champagne, didn't have to worry about breastfeeding or baby throw up in a wedding dress and had a baby free, very romantic honeymoon (our last holiday before I got pregnant). When I was heavily pregnant I was shattered all the time and would have really struggled to organise a wedding and/or be a bride. Especially with crazy hormones running around all over the place. I went to a friend's reception 2.5 weeks before ds arrived and that was more than enough.

My advice would be, if you are not already pregnant (and congrats for that too if you are, babies rock), wait till your wedding night!

Ashvis, thanks for your post, you may single handedly just have changed the course of my life with that!!

Thanks both! Great to have other opinions. I think if we are not pregnant this month (find out next week probably) then I will hold off. I am worried about the figure as much as anything. I've lost a lot of weight recently so would like to benefit from that on my wedding day if I can!

Thanks again!

Vivi, what a sweetie, you've made my day! And Dulcet, as much as I wish I was back to my pre preggy weight (and I almost am), I think of my saggy mummy tummy as a badge of honour. It was slightly depressing when my gran told me she was back to 8 stone by the time all 6 of her babies were 2 months old(!) but it is inspirational too.

Besides, holding the baby over your belly in pictures could hide a multitude of sins and good undies, well fitted bra, support tights as well as the right wedding dress will all help too. Any time I think of complaining about my weight, I remember that my ds is the most fantastic wee person and he is definitely worth a few extra pounds. I have no doubts you'd feel the same way, and as long as my husband still thinks I'm attractive it's all good

Good luck to you both x

Hi Dulcit, congratulations on your engagement - exciting times! We were in a similar situation. We got engaged in Jan last year and decided it would be August this year for the wedding, thinking we'd get pregnant within a month or two. As ever, it took longer than planned and we will be getting married in a couple of weeks with our beautiful baby daughter being nearly 4 months old. Yes, it is most definitely possible, personally I wouldn't have had it any other way! This being said, the month we got pregnant was the last go we would have had before we'd put things on pause. Personally I could not have coped with a baby under 3 months at my wedding. Especially since ours is overseas with 40 people.

Good things:

1. I'm far more chilled about the wedding now I have a baby. Weird, but it's sort of put things in perspective.
2. I love my figure far more now than pre-pregnancy! (I was lucky to lose all the baby weight quickly and also have lovely boobs now too!)
3. It will be a wonderful family celebration to have our baby there
4. Having a baby at the wedding for me is far better than being pregnant at our wedding. Better figure, can eat and drink whatever.
5. 3 months old don't move when you put them down, and there will be plenty of people to hand them over to cuddle them!

Bad things:

1. I had to have the entire wedding stuff planned by month 6 or 7 of pregnancy. At that point, the baby took over and she's been taking up all my time since!
2. I don't party quite so hard and even with an on site babysitter all night, I know I am the only one who can best settle her and will have one ear on the baby monitor all night.
3. We're taking our baby on honeymoon because I'm EBF (but I'm actually looking forward to it and couldn't imagine her not being with us, which makes this a good thing!)
4. Epic pumping required to stock up for when I want to drink more than usual. The odd glass and BF fine, but not for the amount I want to knock back. (Formula is always an option for a couple of feeds though, even if you EBF the rest of the time)
5. Being a new mum is still massively unpredictable, and whilst you will probably be totally fine, if you have a hard time and it's all too much - it's a big risk if you regret doing it all at once and don't enjoy your wedding because you are consumed by stress and tiredness.
6. You may find it very hard to leave your baby overnight at this point - be prepared for that!!

Also bear in mind it would be quite possible to be 2 weeks late to deliver, or having a trickier birth than you expect. Which takes things awfully close to your wedding. But I also get than when you are TTC it's exciting and you don't want to forgo any opportunity to try! Can your wedding be a month or two later just to give you another couple of months of trying? Good luck and let us know how you get on!!

Thank you so much katie. That is so helpful and lovely to read. You sound so happy! I think I have decided to have a TTC break if I am not successful this month (find out this week hopefully!) until the new year. We are keen to have the wedding on our anniversary and it won't be on a weekend for a few years if not next year. I don't mind being a pregnant bride, I prefer a fizzy drink to an alcoholic one anyway, so we will start again in the new year. Your description of your wedding with your baby does sound so nice though! I bet you are so excited now it is so close!

Pleasure Fingers crossed for your BFP this month!! x

I was fairly pregnant when I got married last year and coped fine but was v tired and needed a little power nap. It would have been fine with a tiddler though as we had a v small and relaxed wedding( BBQ on Brighton beach.....) I went to a close friends wedding and her 3 month old son was there, he was no trouble at all and was passed around for the day, enjoying lots of cuddles. My daughter, however, screamed all afternoon . Good luck!

omg i am currently struggling to make a decision on this one. i was pregnant when dp proposed so we figured we'd wait a couple of yrs so the little one could walk as a flower girl/page boy, give us time to save etc. unfortunatly we lost the baby so i went full steam ahead booked the venue for 25th may 2013 and have my dress. we became pregnant again wouldve been due in jan i was slightly worried about having a very young baby there but figured it would all work out fine (we lost that one too). i think as long as theres no danger of giving birth on the day its fine really. im currently trying to decide when to ttc again. Bearing in mind its all booked and dress is sorted apart from the fittings obvs. if i fall pregnant now its all dangerously close to the wedding day.
do i want to be a pregnant bride? how preg and i willing to be? what about my dress?
we got pregnant very quickly both times. so although i know it could take a bit longer this time i also have to bear in mind it could happen first cycle!!
waiting until after the wedding just seems like such a long time away

That's a bit of a roller coaster story cartoon! It is the waiting that is the massive downside. Waiting until the wedding, even yours in May, just feels like life on hold. Did you reach a conclusion? We decided to keep going this month and next month as we are doing the cb trial and moved wedding date to Sept instead of Aug. if not successful in these two cycles then will hold off until next year and accept being a pregnant bride. How pregnant is the question though, like you said! I thought I could take a photo of me in whatever dress I choose before getting to pregnant to use on the day and say 'this is what I would have looked like!' lol. I dunno though, baby is our priority but don't want to ruin a wedding!

I read a lovely story in one of my trashy womens weekly magazines about a couple that had their baby six weeks before their wedding date. After the ceremony and exchange of rings the vicar announced 'And now for the christening!'.

They hadn't told anyone they planned to do both ceremonies at the same time so it was a lovely surprise for GPs. Since reading it I seriously considering putting DS's christening back to do the same thing at our wedding! However, he'd be two, so not quite so cute... Ah well.

Ah pombear thats lovely. What a good idea.
dulcet i think im going to Start trying in November. I do worry about Not looking as hops in my dress but a baby is definatly more important to us. Love the idea of taking a Photo of urself in the dress to Show how u wouldve looked, i may do that myself! Haha.
Besides we could always renew our vows or something in a few years

Good Not hops!

Sounds good to me cartoonface. You could get a life size cut out of the photo too to stand next to and have a picture taken. haha. No idea if that is even possible. Hopefully though you will be pregnant and happy so you won't mind anyway.

I am about to book my date now but having to choose between August and September. Its only the TTC that is making it hard really. I wish I could just know when I will get pregnant! We will be having a pause for sure, its just when the pause is.

its so nice to speak to someone who understands! its so exciting wedding planning. but throw ttc in there too and it gets complicated and stressful. life is so inconvient at times.
ps i think sept is lovely for a wedding!

haha. Booked it today, but went for August. Partly work related reasons. Anyway, I have a wedding date. Yay! Now just to make a baby which is proving to be much more difficult...!

Ooo exciting! Well the wedding plans might help take your mind off TTC for a bit!

Hey OP congratulations on the engagement, I would say don't stress or think about it too much, there are some things in life you have absolutely no control over- conceiving is one of them!

If not being PG on your wedding day is important to you, then hold off on TTC...then again, how old are you, can you put things off another year or so?
I personally don't want to TTC until we're married- not even engaged yet tho!- my OH has vaguely agreed to think about a 2014 wedding, however, I am already 34 so time isn't exactly on my side.

I don't want to get married while pregnant or with a small baby, purely from a practical point of view and imaging how extra stressful it would be.
Having said that, I'm probably not really in a position to choose or leave it all too late!

Just thought I'd update as we had our beautiful wedding 2 weeks ago, with our 4 month old in tow. We were away for a week in a French chateau with 40 friends and family and it couldn't have been better having her there! There were babies as young as 2 months too, and with so many pairs of hands and grandparents wanting to cuddle and settle to sleep all the babies, it could not have been easier!

The hardest thing was missing 2 feeds 'from source' as the boobs were almost bursting out of the wedding dress by midnight! And I did almost feel like the wet nurse, I barely saw our daughter for the hours of entertaining she was doing ;)

If your ideal wedding is pretty relaxed then I can't think of a nicer way to do it! Hope it's all going well, OP?

My DS was 10 weeks old at my wedding - I was ebf but fed him alllllll morning (literally through hair and make up) then stopped at the very last minute - he was asleep all through the ceremony, woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed for some lovely photos then I fed him for a bit whilst other photos were taken - he slept through the meal and speeches.

We had a break between the daytime and evening bits and I took him to our suite and again fed him for a good few hours then handed him to my mum with a big carton of ready made formula and a pack of disposable bottles - he was perfect all evening - my mum loved it as it meant she got a chance to feed him! She had him for the night and in the morning I fed him all through breakfast with our families.

It was great but if the truth be told, I wish he wasn't there - we could have had exactly the same wedding before he came along- but we made the most of it! although my hen night was crap! A meal and then home all within an hour so I could get back to feeding DS

see the hen night was something i hadnt even thought of until my friend pointed it out, im over going out getting too drunk but it is my hen night after all!!!
my major concern is the dress then the other thing is if i am pregnant i will be taking meds because i have very high natural killer cells so could be not at my best shall we say. im 27 but dont want to wait till after the wedding. im going to make myself delay as much as poss though and try to wait till jan.
how are you dulcet?

Aw, thanks for the update katie, sounds like you had a great day. Your day sounds lovely to me, a relaxed family day.

Sounds like you coped through it chunkymonkey, did you plan to have DS so close to the wedding or was it a happy surprise? I hadn't thought of the hen do either, would probably mean none of the active stuff I might want to do like paintballing or quadbiking!

I am good thank you cartoon, I am on my last month of TTC before waiting until Jan to avoid the wedding. Last month was not successful so maybe its just not meant to happen yet. So I was so naive to think it would happen quickly!

No, to be honest we had planned to get married this year - but my nan was very ill and I wanted her to be there - so we brought it forward and with costs and school holidays (most family work in schools) it ended up 10 weeks after birth.

I think the hen do only really occurred to me because my friends wanted to make it huge and exciting but I was breast feeding and had a 7 week old baby - I was a mess ha ha